Everyone Sits On The Toilet

Does it seem like lately or maybe it has always been this way that we tend to put certain people on pedestals and keep them there? What is up with that? There a lot of examples of people in our worlds that we hold in such high regard that we have convinced ourselves and often ties convinced them that are a bit superior to us. It seems like it happening so much more lately.
Look at how popular culture celebrates our celebrities now. Often times the trivial things such as Prince William and Kate eating a pizza, and Kim and Kanye shopping at a store make even the world news. We celebrate these stars and hold them to such high regard, yet often times, our public figures let us down, they prove that they are human just like us, yet when we find out we get so bent out of shape. Since I moved out to California, I have encountered a few celebrities here and there and have even worked with a few. Sometimes, I have been apprehensive about approaching them because I do not want to encounter a possible “attitude” that some have been known to possess. It can be intimidating for sure to approach people that you hold in high regard.
Often times if it’s not a celebrity or a public figure, it can be people at work. Often times at your place of employment you get some higher up boss that is coming in for a visit to observe and inspect your department. You are told to make sure on that day to cross your t’s and dot your I’s. You have to be on point, and be ever so productive, or “heads will roll” so to speak. Often times, that higher up person does not even show up or make an appearance and when they do its brief, yet our day is stressed and strained because we anticipate their visit. And while yes, you should be on top of your game at work, sometimes these higher ups are so out of touch with reality and day to day operations, their visit is often resented and unappreciated as if gracing us with your presence is some type of huge honor.
It is very frustrating at times to deal with larger than life personas, you may feel intimidated or frustrated at having to deal with them, but there is something that I remember my favorite singer Chaka Khan saying a long time ago, she said that “Everyone sits on the toilet. And if you can remember that you can’t go far wrong.” Yes that ay give some of you a visual image, but hey why not? It is like when you are afraid to speak in public and someone suggests for you to imagine them naked. That breaks the ice most of the time. It is basically the same principal. We all sit on the toilet. It’s a part of life, even CEOS of companies, even Justin Timberlake, pastors with their fancy entourages, and our bosses and supervisors. They are really no different than us. Maybe they have a bit more money, more power, more prestige but that should never intimidate us because again everyone sits on the toilet.
Its even trickled into some of our churches, some of our leaders in ministry are so high up that we cannot even access them. They have their cliques and assistants and its like getting through secret service just to get to them. None of my pastors have been that way but their have been so many that are like that. It’s a shame. Yes, we should hold our clergy in a high regard, but even our religious leaders sit on the toilet.
So its time to stop putting so many people on that high horse. We do it so much that we become fearful, envious, jealous, and resentful of people who are in higher rankings. Why do we do this? Yes, maybe their ship came in a little earlier than ours has, but does that make them better? Does that give justification for some of their actions, and some of ours? I think humbleness goes a long way in helping some of these leaders and public figures and those close understand that we are all human I mean after all, everyone sits on the toilet.

Random Thoughts Part 2

Here is where My Head Has been since July. Sorry for the delay...




1. Why is it that the Wal-Mart’s in the suburbs are really nice, and you still get great customer service, but the ones in the neighborhood or in the boonies are a ratchet mess (merchandise all over the place, long lines, consistently out of merchandise)?


2. People are really confused about what “turn it up” and “turndownforwhat” means. Example: “We going hard on this rocky road ice cream at Baskin Robbins..” #turndownforwhat.. umm…no.

3. Why do some people get so mad and worked up at fantasy football? It’s called “fantasy” for a reason. Unless you owe money to a bookie or something…. I’m just sayin…

4. When will this Kanye/Kim & Miley Cyrus nonsense be over with? Does anyone else get severely irritated when they see him or her on the television especially on local and world news. Is it a slow news day? I doubt it.

5. Why do people consider sagging your pants artistic? What is artistic about seeing your draws? When will this fad end?

6. Why do people say “no offense but…” then say some really ignorant BS like the “no offense” part makes up for it.

7. When will we get that racism and discrimination are still very much a part of the equation in 2013 going into 2014?

8. There are many things that make you a man. Sleeping with different women each night should never be one of them especially if you are not taking care of the kids that result from it.

9. Why in the world is American Idol still on the air? At this point does anyone even care about the contestants? That horse has been beat. Pull the plug!

10. It seems like Spike Lee is the ultimate Hollywood Hater. Unless his name is attached to it, he finds it offensive, buffoonish, or degrading (Have you seen Girl 6? Summer of Sam?)

11. I tried to get on the Aresenio late night bus...I tried. I went to sleep.

12. I am really glad that I am seeing less and less of the bathroom mirror pics on social media. THANK YOU.

13. Arrogant people really, really annoy me but none more than arrogant men. You make us all look bad. You are not as good as you say you are or you would not have to tell us all the time.

14. You can always tell when somebody’s bark is bigger than his or her bite. Always.

15. In my day my authority figures (parents, teachers, etc) were just that, they were not my friends. There is a level of respect that you have in regard to the people who have authority in your life. I wish I would have called my teachers and parents by their first name, kicked it with them, etc. Times have certainly changed.

16. When you talk about a genuine person who is universally liked behind their back, it will always get back to that person. Busy bodies and two-faced folks always show their poker face.

17. I really, really try to watch the news to stay informed but sometimes its just too much from the ignorant to the depressing to just the WTH?

18. For those that say “Down with the Government!” You should be at least able to tell me who your local city officials are or what the local issues are in your city or neighborhood, otherwise all I am hearing is well....nothing.

19. The Best Man Holiday is one of the best movies that I have seen in a while. A great story about African-American people without having to be about African-American people. This is where our stories should be going. Figure that one out!

20. It annoys me that people hate on Scandal with Kerry Washington. She plays a strong, independent woman with flaws. Isn’t that pretty much all of us? I mean I thought we were all flawed? Its one of the best shows I have seen in a while.

21. I wonder if Aretha Franklin, Dionne Warwick, Patti Labelle, Diana Ross, Chaka Khan, Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, Al Green ever get together and talk about the state of music today. I wonder what they really think of Miley Cyrus and Two Chainz?

22. The same goes for Robert Dinero, Jack, Harrison Ford, James Earl Jones, Sidney Potier, and other legends for the state of Hollywood. How do they feel about Kim K, and all of these other flashes in the pan?

23. The safe and easy route always leads to boredom and misery and then you spread that to others. DREAM BIG.

24. Your blue print may not match other people’s and that’s ok. Quit making people feel bad for not living the life you think they should be living.

25. Is it me or is it too early, too soon and in bad taste to be asking, “What is gonna happen to the next Fast & Furious movie?” That really should be the furthest thing from anyone’s mind. Those actors will still be rich, the producers will still get their cut. There is a void in two people's families that can never be replaced especially during this holiday season. That is always worse. It always amazes me at the level of insensitivity that our culture, particularly our media can project.

26. Everyday that I walk into my new apartment, I still smile. Its been so long. To have my own place again. My own personal hideaway it feels so good.

27. For those that are so impressed and in awe of Lady Gaga's weirdness and out of the box antics. Let's remember she was not the first. Grace Jones and David Bowie truly changed the game back in the day..and they were not even trying to. It was just who they were.

My How We Have Forgotten

“ Can it be it was all so simple then…”?

That was the first line of the hit Barbara Streisand or Gladys Knight song, “Memories (The Way We Were). Think back to being a kid, especially in the summertime. It was a time of playing kickball in the streets, running hide and go seek, listening for the Ice-Cream man, and enjoying all of those goodies that mom, and Grandma would make for us. We loved those days, and sometimes we long for those days as adults. Life was drama free, and exciting. We could not imagine being older adults and having children of our own.
Now we have become adults and with all that is going on the world, we have forgotten some of what it was like to be a child. We have gotten so sensitive as a nation that we have begun to make life much more harder then it needs to be. What memories are we depriving our children of now? For the most part, I have kept silent on the matter because I have no children of my own and felt my input on this subject was somewhat skewed but last week when I found out that certain cities are trying to ban the ice-cream man because it was too loud and causing too much of a disturbance. That is when I had enough. It is bad enough that we have gotten rid of children being allowed to bring in homemade snacks for holidays parties in grade school, it is crazy that we no longer make our children go outside and play, but banning the ice cream truck man? Come on! This is where we should draw the line.
Now I am a full total advocate of healthy eating and I believe that a lot of health issues are formed in our childhoods, but we want to also deprive our children of the snacks we used to eat as children. No longer can a kid have a lollipop, eat a Popsicle, and eat a potato chip without it being made a federal case. I think we have really forgotten what it was like as children. Think back to that simple time. What would our lives have been without a Bomb Pop, Eskimo Pie, or Jell-O Pudding Pop (speaking of which bring those back too)? We have gotten too uptight as adults in some cases. Who would have ever thought that as kids? As I was writing this article I thought of what Adam Sandler’s character in Mr. Deeds said, “You know, if your nine-year olds saw you guys the way you are, you'd get your butts kicked right now! I mean, look what's happened to us!”

We need to grip and not be so uptight about everything. With all that is going on in the world, our children of today need the children of yesterday to really teach them what it is like to be a child before the children of tomorrow have nothing to look forward to.

Marinate on that…
CG2

I'm Already Doing That!

I’m Already Doing That!


Imagine this scenario. You are going through the eye of the storm. You are frustrated, your car broke down, your girlfriend left you, and your family is causing all types of upheaval. You go to your friend or family member for some much-needed advice and you are expecting some life epiphany from them, and you get those three dreaded words, “Hang In There!” Seriously?? That is what I get? Hang in there? That is so profound. Thank you for that because of that my life seems so much better….
Why do I seem so angry about those three little words? Because that is not really offering anything concrete or sustainable that actually just seems really passive and not a real offer of any advice. Now I am not exempt from using these words, there are times when I have been guilty of using or offering up that advice. A friend or loved one sends me a text or post something on social media and I respond back with “Hang in there!” Then I go, “Really Chris? Did you just offer up that lame advice?” My second point is that when someone tells me to “Hang in there.” I want to tell them, “I’m already doing that!” First of all, I am “hanging in there” when I get out of bed each morning and put one foot in front of the other to face the challenges of another day. I am already “hanging in there” when I put my clothes on and go out into that cold, cold world prayed up and ready for whatever challenges face me and I know that there are some. I am “hanging in there” by not totally withdrawing from the world and becoming a hermit. I am “hanging in there” by not going off on someone who went off on me. I am already doing that. What else do you got?
I am not angry, most people’s hearts are in the right place when they offer up that advice but more is needed most of the time when someone is coming to you with a problem. And sometimes, "Hang in there." is all we know how to say because we just do not know what to say. Sometimes, saying "I am clueless as to how to help you, let me just pray for you." Or, "Let me pray for you or get someone that knows about this.." That would be better. I am always inspired by someone who has went through a similar situation and they actually explain how they “hung in there” they do not just say the words. Of course it is no problem to share your advice, share your testimony, then say “Hang in there.” Of course the phrase then has more meat to it.
So the next time somebody comes to you with some advice and they pour their hearts out to you, at least pray for them, mentor them, give them some good advice, but the last thing you want to say is just “Hang in there…” they deserve more than that. Remember your challenges and situations, hang in there is the least we can do especially if we are Children of God. It is how we hang in there that counts.

Just my five cents…

Gimmie Gimmie: Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money!

Who remembers Michael Douglas’s infamous line in Wall Street where he goes “Greed is good.” ? I am sure most hard-core movie buffs remember that line. Often at times art imitates life. No matter how hard we say movies are fantasy escapism, they mirror something in reality. The movie Wall Street dealt with a lot of corporate espionage, the love of the almighty dollar, which of course leads to greed. We often associate that with the 80s, The Me Decade.
Fast forward to some twenty-six years later. Are we still seeing greed? The answer is quite simply yes. Greed is everywhere. We see people in our families that want more and more from us. It is like our children. We take them to store, tell them they can get one toy or one candy, yet they want more. They want a DVD, some new shoes. One thing is never enough. We give loved ones and friends help and money when they need it, yet they always want more. Often times at the end of the day, it is never, never enough.
Businesses are not exempt from being greedy. Today, I found out that a very famous amusement park was raising their prices once again charging hard-working citizens of this country and citizens of other countries who come to visit a mind-boggling $92 in lieu of their already expensive $86. When I found that out earlier, it blew my mind and instantly made me angry. I could not fathom how a company so big on family fun, love of people, and dream creations could be comfortable charging families such an expensive fare. It is hard to consider when you are already paying for parking, paying for the expensive food and merchandise that you have to pay even more in admission (which by the way does not get you anything but just entry into the park). I went to the Internet to see what was behind this rising price increase expecting to see something such as rising expenses, budget constraints, etc. What I found was it was just “market research” that showed that this was a reasonable fare. Seriously?? Reasonable?? If you ask me, it sounds like plain on greed. The company already racks millions upon millions of dollars in sales from admission cost, concessions, merchandise, and parking. Why justify another pay increase when so many are struggling in this economy?
Now I understand parents who say its worth it just to see their kids smiling faces and the joy that it brings to their children. Perhaps if I were a parent I would feel differently. But that should be the very reason that the prices should come down. There are a lot of parents who would love to see their children light up and go to the park. What parent would not want to take their child. My parents took us (of course it was the 80s and everything was considerably cheaper). However there are a lot of parents who simply cannot afford that especially if you have more than two children. A price deduction would be nice.
A few months back I went to a hospital and saw something extremely disturbing. Some hospitals now charge visitors of patients and in some situations potential patients going to the emergency rooms a parking fee. You have got to be kidding me. You are charging people to come see their loved ones? Again, people are struggling in this economy and sometimes even $5 is a lot to come by. I again went to the Internet to research the reasoning and the answer was quite simple, “To generate revenue” which to me equals greed. Hospitals already make huge profits from their patients by nickel and dimeing them on every little thing while they stay there. How can you in good conscious justify charging patients to park. Kudos to those hospitals and medical buildings that have not gave in to this method. There are other obvious ways to generate revenue.
Grocery stores and retail are not exempt from dealing with greed. How many times have you walked into a store and seen lines that mirror the Department of Motor Vehicles on the last day of the month? One store (who shall remain nameless) often times has only four lanes (out of 24) open. The shelves look as if customers just bum rushed the store due to a threat of a natural disaster. Now the merchandise is there ready to have a home just like the Island of Misfit Toys but to no avail, the corporate Santa refuses to pay or hire new elves to stock or check the people out at the store because they do not want to take from their billions of profits. If this is not greed, I challenge you to find me a better example or definition.

Deceptive Advertising & Extra Fees
How many times have you walked into a grocery store and seen a sign in big black bold letters, “FREE”? You get super excited, you go over to the item, then you see at the bottom words in tiny, tiny writing that would require you to have Superman type vision to decipher and make out. You take the item over to the checkout to claim as free then you find out what the verbiage at the bottom says is “When you by two or more at original price.”
Now I love me some bacon, laundry detergent, soda, and chicken as much as the next guy, but what exactly would I be saving by buying two or more of the same item when all I really needed was one in the first place? Other false or misleading advertising includes things like on two-liter soda. Often times, when I walk in to a certain store, I see that that my favorite Ginger Ale, or other soda is on sale for .88 cents. The first time I fell for this, I went to the checkout stand with my bottle of soda and it rang up regular price. I politely corrected the cashier and said that it was on sale. The cashier then tells me that it is only .88 cents when you buy 10. Okay, why would I want to buy $10 worth of soda? Am I preparing for the apocalypse? And even then would I really be worried about consuming ginger ale or cola? How many times do you see some ad on television that advertises some new item that “you simply cannot live without for only $19.95. If you act now, you can get two for $19.95 (but you pay shipping and handling for both items). Do you see how this works? So I really do not get the second item free because I am paying double for the shipping and handling which sometimes cost more then the original item itself.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for increasing revenue and making money. You cannot be a successful business any other way, but when does increasing revenue give way to greed? This economy is tough on everyone and can companies can do their part to help people out. No, this is not an article about wanting “free stuff” or a “handout” but about not giving way to the greed monster. We are all guilty of being greedy at times, but it is nothing to be brag and be comfortable about. The opposite of greed is sharing. Sharing is caring. We can all afford to be a little more generous with our increases. If companies like those big amusement park chains decreased their admission cost by 3 to 10% just imagine how much more their revenue would increase. If certain retail stores hired more employees, the customers would come back to their stores and shop thus increasing the revenue. You have to look at the bigger picture. It goes back to that old adage, “You have to spend money, to make money.” This would seem to fit perfectly here.

Greed is not good. No not at all.

Be Optimistic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpvAil65yJc


"I know the storms and strife crowd up your outlook on life. Just think ahead and you’ll be inspired to reach higher and higher."
-Sounds of Blackness - Optimistic


I have always loved the song "Optimistic" by The Sounds of Blackness. I remember when the song came out in 1991 and I was immediately drawn to it. I first heard it on the way to Dallas and wondered who sung the song. I remember finally watching the video on Video Soul and I was just in awe of this large number of people singing. It was like the first time I saw a mainstream Choir nationally. It resonated with me. I remember always stopping whatever I was doing whenever the video came on. I found myself playing the song whenever I felt the need not knowing then that twenty years later what an impact the song would have on my life. …

Fast forward to the present day. Last night I played the video and when it got to the 4th solo by Sounds of Blackness member Patricia Lacy-Aiken I did not even realize that I had tears flowing down my face. For some reason that verse (see above) always gets me. I think it was because in the video Patricia had a warm and nurturing smile on her face as she was saying “Just think ahead and you’ll be inspired.” Tears were flowing down my face because of everything that I had been through recently with the loss of my Grandmother and Aunt, losing my job, and just feeling pretty low. I was not crying because of the situations, I was crying because I was feeling better. My pain was lifting. I felt like God was giving me a sign that a new season was coming.

I was also crying because I thought back to a few years ago, when I lost another job and someone close to me that night instead of encouraging me basically ridiculed me and made me feel even worse for losing my job, I felt sad until I remembered the song that had gotten me through so many difficult times. For that negativity, I popped up the video and saw a family of encouraging voices telling me, “You will always do your best, if you learn to never say never. You may be down but you’re not out.” I felt like they were also telling me, “Do not listen to that person. You are somebody, you matter, and God has you.” No, I never thought that when I first heard the song twenty years ago that it would still be such a force in my life today. For the last few weeks, I had not been inspired to write anything because of everything I had been through but thankful to God that he brought this song back into my life, it has inspired me once again to keep on moving and keep it pushing. The tears also came from revelation that God put this song in my life twenty-two years ago because he knew what my story was going to be and he knew I would need it. Isn’t it amazing how God works?

Mary J. Blige credits this song as one of the songs that got her through some of her darkest days and over the last few days I have read countless other stories of how the song saved people dealing with depression, struggling with grief, and having thoughts of suicide, it literally saved their lives. I read an interview where Sounds of Blackness bandleader Gary Hines said a woman rushed the stage to give him a note. The note said that the song saved her because she was struggling with the loss of her mother it saved her life.
As the song encouraged me, I want to use it to encourage you today. The video is included. Think of it as a family of people encouraging you and singing, “You can win, as long as you keep your head to sky…”

Music is truly a healer. It touches the soul through levels one can never imagine.

BE OPTIMISTIC!!

Vindication Day!

“The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself” - Eddie Van Halen


Revenge. What comes to mind when you think of that word? Often maybe we think of a plot on Dallas when J.R Ewing played by the late Larry Hagman getting back at Cliff Barnes for some scheme, or maybe even the new television show on ABC called Revenge. But what comes to my mind is something totally different. I often heard the quote that success is the best revenge and often times I really wondered what that meant. How does that really work? Up until a few months ago, I really had no idea how that applied to my life. What I have come to find out is that what it means is that instead of seeking revenge like a jilted lover in a daytime soap opera, there is a much easier way to handle your enemies. After all, what you normally see on these shows is that the revenge plot often backfires and the person seeking revenge usually pays a heavier price than the person they intended it for. At the end of the day, was it really worth it?
Over the past few years, I have suffered a lot of adversity and strife. Some of it was my own doing, some of it was natural like the loss of loved ones, and some of it was at the hands of others. What do you do when you suffer at the hands of others? The answer is quite simple, you do not let them know that you are suffering. First, I think of workplace issues. Over the last few years, there have been some painful and hurtful issues occur at the workplace. There has been some two-facedness, some lies told, and some backbiting. These situations made it hard for me to trust but you have to push forward. At the end of the day, those people who want your job or your position, you have to decide what is the best method to handle these types of situations. You have to give it over to God. When things are done underhanded and sneaky, it always, always gets revealed. And at the end of the day those trying to tare you down, have to watch as God moves you forward, upward, and over that mountain. You gain a new level of success. And you then realize that where you were at was hindering your growth. That is what I am coming to find out. As Oprah would say this would be my "Aha!moment".

“To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.” - Alexander Pope


The last hurtful situation stung a little bit because I felt things could have been handled differently, and I really did not see it coming but I realize now that once again I was getting comfortable and stagnant in this place and it was taking away from what God really had for me. Again, when you get comfortable and God has a new level of favor and a new season coming your way, he takes some things out of your way. Now the people who meant evil for me, God is turning into good and pushing me forward. That is the ultimate revenge. You are not doing anything to harm or hinder those who hindered you, but you are pushing forward and living your life happy, growing and being successful. That is your vindication.

The same holds true for relationships. Everyone who is in your life is not going to be with you for the long haul. Not everyone is mature enough to handle difficult situations and as your situations grow more and more difficult, some of the people in your life will go running. They will talk behind your back, tell you are doing the wrong thing and begin to turn away. That has to happen. It is necessary for your growth and development. In some way or form, those people were also stunting your growth. The same people that push you away or turn away, stop calling or communicating have to sit back and watch as God replenishes those people with authentic relationships. Since I had some people abandon me, God has replenished with even bigger and better relationships.
Those people who left you behind also have to sit back and watch you succeed and move forward even though they were trying to hold you back. That is revenge done the right way. You are not giving them any thought, you wish them well, you move on, you grow, and you succeed. Isn’t it amazing how God works?
So as you suffer adversity at the hands of others, or because of situations caused by other people, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and angry at them because at the end of the day God is using it to advance you in to a brand new season of favor and you know what all the haters can do is sit back and watch.

Happy Vindication Day!

Your time is coming!
CG2

I Love Music!: Music Therapy

Find An Outlet

As I am sitting here right now, I am listening to “Sunshine” by Babyface and am automatically transformed back to the year 1989. I am flooded by so many memories. It is funny how a song can jog a memory or take you back to a different place. Music does that for me. For the past two weeks, I really had not listened to a lot of music because I was mourning the loss of both my Grandmother and Aunt Alleyne, but just the last few days, I slowly got back into listening to my music and began writing again, my two biggest creative releases.
1989 was obviously such a different year than 2013. As I listen to various songs from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I am thinking of pictures, situations, and people from that era. Like every time I hear the songs “Shake” by The Gap Band, “Shining Star” by The Manhattans, “Don’t Stop The Music” by Yarbrough & Peoples, “Double Dutch Bus” by Frankie Smith, I think back to growing up as a small child at 217 N. Park in Bonner Springs which was my Grandmother’s house where my dad and his siblings grew up. I hear the songs “You, Me & He” by Mtume, “Ah, Ah, Ah” by The Jones Girls, “I Didn’t Mean To Turn You On” by Cherelle, the memories from 1984 flood back and I think of my Great-Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and their picnic when my cousin Vincent told me that I was “too young” to listen to that music and I could not fully understand it, little did he know.
It is funny how songs can do that for you. Anything from the 90s takes me back to growing up on Insley Ave, going to the high school dances, walking one street over to Springdale, sleepovers at my cousins’ houses, and going to visit my family in California. Music is such a stress reliever and brings out so many different emotions. Sometimes, I get a little misty eyed when I hear songs from the eras I grew up in. It reminds me of simpler times, and sometimes painfully reminds me of the loved ones who are no longer here. When I hear the music I think that it was before 9/11, before Newtown or Aurora. While the 70s, 80s, and 90s were hardly all peaceful, there was a certain innocence of those decades that you cannot find today. This is why I love old school music so much. No other type of music can spark memories in my mind, reenergize me when I am feeling down or tired, and give me peace of mind. When I want to get the creative juices flowing, I put on some Anita Baker or Stevie Wonder. Nobody inspires me to write like they do.
So as you deal with the day to day hustle and bustle of life, deal with the stress and strain of it all put on a little Natalie Cole sing with reckless abandon “I’ve Got Love On My Mind” or to a little Earth, Wind & Fire telling you to cheer up with “Keep Your Head To The Sky”. There is a reason music is the universal language. It gives comfort and evokes so much emotion and reflection.

Happy Listening!

Family Ties Can't Be Broken

Family Ties Cannot Be Broken


I never thought that two months ago when I went to Kansas City for my grandmother’s Homegoing services that only six weeks later, I would be saying goodbye to her beloved sister and best friend, my dear Aunt Alleyne Wallace. I still cannot believe it. I am still in mourning and still wondering, “Did this really happen?” It is too soon after my Grandmommie passed away, it is too soon after my Aunt Benita passed away. Death has rocked our family hard this last year and a half. Sure it is a natural part of life and it is something we all have to face sooner or later, but it does not make it any easier.
One thing that gives me comfort and I am sure others as well is that my Grandmother is now reunited with her sisters and parents. They are cutting up giving each other a hard time, and they are looking down on us expecting us to carry on their legacies and their love. My grandmother and Aunt Alleyne were not sad people and could not tolerate being around anyone else who was sad and depressed. Sadness was simply not in their vocabularies. They suffered much loss and much pain, yet they never complained and never wanted anyone else to feel sorry for them.
As we continue to live our lives, I feel that there is no better time then the present to cherish the family that lives on to celebrate those who have moved on. While I may not always show it, I am so grateful for my family. We have a family that a lot of people admire and love. There are so many people who wish they could be Bolton’s. When my Grandmother and Aunt Alleyne passed away, there was such an outpouring of love shown to our family and that is truly to be appreciated. That is something that none of us should take lightly. Not everyone gets the kind of love and admiration that these three received. That is the kind of love and kind-heartedness I want to be known for.
The love that my Aunt showed everyone is something I strive for. I may sometimes fall short of that but I love all of my relatives. Each of them adds a little something, something to our family dynamic. There is always a funny story, some little gem that makes my siblings, cousins, and I chuckle. There are so many stories, so many memories. We have to continue to remember that.
In June, we will be attending our bi-annual family reunion in Las Vegas. While yes, this year reunion will be a little heavy on our hearts without Aunt Benita, Grandmommie, and Aunt Alleyne, they would want us to push forward and do the around the world for them. They would want life to go on. That being said, how do you move forward? You just do it one day at time, no matter how difficult it is. To my family, I love you all so much. While our hearts are broken and this is a fragile time for our family right now, lets continue to honor the ones who have gone on before us, by continuing to push forward one day at a time.

See you all in June.

With lots and lots of love,

Chris II aka “Little Chris”

Reality TV: Our Generation's Disco

Think back to the 1970s and disco music. When disco hit it hit big. It came in like an annoying relative who rings your doorbell unannounced. For almost ten years disco was all over the country. There were disco clubs all over the place and every artist worth salt was making disco records. One-hit wonders were a common trend in the 70s. What ever happened to A Taste of Honey, Silver Connection, Andrea True, and Hot Chocolate? Disco was so huge that A Taste of Honey won the Best New Artist category at the Grammy’s beating out such future legendary artist The Cars and Elvis Costello. The telecast also added a Best Disco Category (the category has since been dissolved). Studio 54 was THE hangout of the day where you had to be somebody to get in. Yes, disco was making a huge cultural impact much to the chagrin of Rock and Roll fans, and R&B funk musicians, who sometimes unfairly got grouped into the disco categories. Also hit makers such as Aretha Franklin, James Brown, and Ray Charles careers took a back seat with music fans in favor of disco. Towards the end of the decade, disco became overkill and was getting on the nerves of a lot of people, which lead to an “I Hate Disco” rally/demolition in Comiskey Park in Chicago on July 12, 1979. Add to that the fact that legendary rock artist Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart felt it necessary to keep up with the musical Joneses by making disco tracks and then disco became a huge joke when Ethel Merman recorded a disco album and legendary disc jockey Rick Dees made a parody of the music genre by recording “Disco Duck”. By the early 80s, disco was out; rock and hip-hop was in. A lot of the one hit wonders star power from the 70s had faded. Nobody can argue the cultural impact that disco had, but it is safe to say that is was overkill after a certain point.
Now fast forward to some thirty years later, there is a new type of disco craze. It has been sweeping the nation for twenty years. It is a horse that keeps on running and running and that my friends are called reality television. Nowadays, you can turn to any channel on your television set and you will find some type of reality show on. My mind flashes back to 1992, when MTV made television history by producing the groundbreaking television show The Real World. At the time, I thought the concept was genius. You had several people from all walks of like, from different backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations picked to live in house and have their lives taped. What a great concepts. Then Survivor came and introduced the concept of reality competition television and The Osborne’s gave us glimpses into the private lives of celebrities with their show of the same name. Like disco, reality television hit and hit hard. Yet now, it is becoming too much to deal with. When you have television shows that show people getting their cars repossessed, entertainers with little to no star power popping up with reality shows just so they can keep their names out there, shows about trailer park trash, and exterminators, I think we have reached a point of no return.
Even gospel artists such as Mary Mary, Marvin Sapp, and Karen Clark-Sheard have jumped on the reality bandwagon and are doing reality shows based on their lives. Sound familiar? Does this not sound similar to what Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart did in the late 70s with disco? No disrespect to the gospel acts, I am sure their intent is pure, but it’s vaguely familiar to the disco concept. But perhaps the biggest blow to the reality genre is the conception of the show Splash that debuted this week on ABC. On this show you get to see such D-List celebrities such as Louie Anderson, Kendra Wilkinson, and Nicole Eggert compete by jumping off of a diving board to see who can be the best high dive jumper. It is presumable that ABC is trying to capitalize off of the success of its predecessor, Dancing With The Stars. However, its cautionary to ask is Splash our new Ethel Merman making a disco album? Do we really want to see Louie Anderson in a wet suit jump off a diving board? How do we consider Kendra Wilkinson a celebrity when all she has done is reality based television? Something is seriously wrong with this picture.Reality based programming has made such a splash that like with disco, The Emmys have added three reality categories to their show, Best Reality Competition and Reality Program just like the Grammy’s did with disco in the 70s. Kim Kardashian, arguably the Aretha Franklin of reality television even laughably asked the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce for a star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame and asked them to consider a reality television category. Kardashian was instantly turned down.
Even huge groundbreaking rating blockbusters such as Dancing With Stars and American Idol have lost some momentum. With the exception of DL Hughley, Winona Judd, and Dorothy Hamil, this year’s cast seems hardly recognizable. The last few years of winners of American Idol have not nearly had as much mainstream success as say Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and Fantasia. The focus has been much more on the revolving door of judges that have come in and out since the departure or original judges Paul Abdul and Simon Cowell. While the ratings of these two shows are still decent, they are nowhere near where they once were. Is this a sign that the genre is on its way out? Have we gotten too much of a good thing? How many of the couples from The Bachelor have found there happily ever after?
Now do not get it twisted, there a lot of reality based television shows that I think are worth merit but unfortunately, the media does not focus on those shows (see list below). However, I think we have sunk to a new low when we have “celebrities” jumping off diving boards, what next Pewee Herman and Pauly Shore competing on a bull riding show? Reality television has made such an impact that has lasted longer then even disco did, but just how much longer will the genre last. Like the “I Hate Disco” punk rockers, and funkateers, you have had a few celebrities speak out against reality show personalities and their 15 minutes of fame, arguably because of all the hard work they have put into their careers, the dues they paid, the blood, sweat, and tears, and when you see these reality stars sitting at the same tables as them after only five minutes of fame, one can see how it would leave a bitter taste in their mouth. After all, it would be a bitter pill to swallow. A-List celebrities such as Kevin Hart and The Wayans family are even cashing in on making fun of the genre by creating spoofs of famous or infamous rather reality shows. Hart’s Real Husbands of Hollywood has become a ratings bonanza for BET making fun of such shows Basketball Wives, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and others.
There is a place for reality television, but like disco, everything has its time and place, and this time is slowly but surely fading. Exactly how many “real” housewives shows do we need? The “Real” World is not longer real and many of the cities have been reused. Like everything, all good (and in this case bad) things must come to an end and I think the genre has run its course.

Reality Shows Worth Watching

There are some really good reality shows out there that aim to inform the public, make us laugh, and inspire us. Yet half of the time, these shows do not get focused on. If only the mainstream media would focus on some of these shows, then maybe it would increase or add a more positive image to the genre of reality television. Here is my list of some reality television that is worth watching:

Beyond Scared Straight (A&E)
Intervention (A&E)
Undercover Boss (CBS)
The Biggest Loser (NBC)
The Real Husbands of Hollywood (satire) (BET)
2nd Generation Wayans (satire) (BET)
The Amazing Race (CBS)
Hoarders (A&E)
Parole Diaries (TvOne)
Save My Son (TvOne)

Never A Dull Moment: A Tribute To My Grandmommie

Never A Dull Moment!


On February 16, 2013, my Grandmother Christine Gilrath received her heavenly award for a life that was full of joy, laughter, happiness, and service. As I am writing this, it is still very hard to comprehend that my grandmother has left us. But it is also comforting to know the memories and the legacy that she has left us with.
My first cousins and I did not call her grandma or grandmother but we called her “Grandmommie”. Growing up, I always wondered why we called her that. As a child, we just called her that and it just stuck. It was not until her interment when my aunt handed me the banner that had “Grandmommie” written in gold lettering that had been beautifully placed on her casket that I was the one that started calling her that name and that is how the name came to be. Because of that, I was given the banner that was quite an honor.

As I stated at her homegoing services, there were a lot of things that I learned from my Grandmommie.I learned that you did not have to be loud or overbearing to get your point across. Most of the time, all my grandmother had to do was point to know she meant business. If we caught her pointing at us, we knew that we were in trouble. If she began to point and move, then you had better get out of the way. Protecting your family was another valuable lesson that I got from my grandmother. I cannot tell you how many times my grandmother would go to bat for not only her children, but her grandchildren, siblings and countless other relatives. There were times I had to stop her from coming to my aide even as an adult, that was just who she was.

Because of grandmommie Christine, I learned about Victor Newman, Katherine Chancellor, Jill Abbott, Cricket, and Nikki from a little show called The Young & The Restless. My grandmother, her sisters, and her mother watched the show religiously. For a few years, during the summers, she would watch us and we dare not come into the house during 11am, because that was then Y&R was on and we better not disturb her viewing. The ultimate rule was that you could not call Bonner Springs in between the hours of 11am to 3pm (when The Guiding Light) would go off. You did have that reprieve from 12-12:30 when the news came on but that was only for thirty minutes until The Bold & The Beautiful came on. To this day, I still watch the show when I can and most of you reading this know you watch it as well.

You cannot say the name Christine without thinking of the following people Johnnie Taylor, B.B King, Bobby “Blue” Bland, and of course Charles Brown. She was a HUGE fan. She loved the songs “The Ghetto”, “These Last Two Dollars”, and “The Blues is All right..” not to mention countless other songs. Her and her sister, my Aunt Alleyne would do the “Around The World” dance at every wedding reception, birthday party, picnic, and family reunion. Much like the Soul Train Line, Christine’s around the world was a given at any of those events.



My grandmommie also taught me that no matter what you went through in life, it was not worth being sad and blue about it. According to my cousin Bobby, when she received the news that she had cancer her response was, “Whatever”. That was her take on everything good or bad. That is how I am trying to carry on. I think we should all take a cue from her book and live life that way. Sure, life gets us down at times and that is okay, but do we have what it takes to get back up on that horse and ride again? My grandmother certainly did.
Age was never an excuse for her either. Nobody ever believed my grandmother was in her 80’s and that someone who loved to dance and party was that age at all. At a time when most people in their 80s were huddled in front of a television down and depressed or grouchy or reflecting on life, Christine Gilrath was living life to the fullest. That is a trend in our family, living life. All of my great-aunts and uncles defy age. They got it form their parents, my great-grandparents Arthur & Ruth Bolton who lived to be 101 and 96 respectively . I used to always tell myself that if this is what senior living looked like, I could not wait to get there.


So while I am sad and missing my grandmommie terribly I am thankful for all of the memories. I know there is a heavenly reunion going right now in heaven with all of the loved ones. I am sure her and my Uncle Wallace is cutting a rug with Johnnie Taylor singing “These Last Two Dollars” and KoKo Taylor singing “Wang Dang Doodle..” In honor of her memory, lets continue to do the “Around The World”, “Picking Up Greens”, and “The Mess Around” in her honor. Life goes on, and we honor her memory by living life to the fullest as that is what she would want.

Love you Grandmommie. Rest in Peace.

Your #1 First Born Grandson,

Chris II

The "Okie Doke" Pass

“The Okie Doke Pass”
Name: Janette VictimBehavior: Freeloading Moocher Reason For Pass: Father was not present in life.

Name: Tyrell Drama Behavior: Constant negative attitude, self-centeredness, gossip Reason For Pass: Family is poor

What you see above is what you would normally call a hall pass. The hall p ass in a school setting normally allows a student to go from one area of the school to another without getting in trouble. It allows a student permission to be somewhere where they normally are not allowed to be. It also stops someone of authority from asking a lot of questions and reprimanding a student for not being where he or she is supposed to be. In the movie Hall Pass two wives give their husband a “hall pass” for the weekend so that they can sleep with as many women as they wan t with the hope that by weekend’s end the husbands will stop talking about having sex with other women as much. All would be forgiven on Monday because of the hall pass.
After watching that movie and thinking about what the word “hall pass” means, I began to think about people in all of our lives that are given hall passes. Meaning no matter what they are doing to others, or no matter what kind of negative behavior they are displaying, society normally gives them a hall pass and the bad behavior is excused and often forgiven without question. Now since a lot of us are not in school anymore, I thought I would change the title of hall pass to the “Okie Doke” pass. Okie doke usually means, “Ok, whatever, no problem.” That is often the attitude we have when someone in our lives causes turmoil and stress. Constantly, we are excusing issues that others are creating for us day to day. For example, do you know people who never ever bring anything to a party? They come with nothing but their hunger, or their thirst. They want to drink up everyone’s alcohol, eat up all the food, and then carry out a plate. Often times we let them do this because someone says, “They are poor, and they can’t afford to bring something.” Yet we see them out at the club kicking it or buying some new shoes, or even a new car, yet they cannot stop by the store and get two bags of chips? Often times, we are told to “Let it go.” Thus they have just been given “The Okie Doke” pass meaning, their bad behavior has just been excused and they are allowed to continue on with their negative behavior because of their life situation.
Everyone has that relative or friend that is constantly stirring up trouble. They are constantly raising hell, finding fault with everyone or everything, and gets on everybody’s nerves. Yet instead of addressing the behavior, we are walking around on eggshells around this person for fear of confrontation or for fear that they are going to go off. “Well he or she has had it hard.” “They got a lot to handle...” Who doesn’t? We all have problems. This person has just been given The Okie Doke Pass. The behavior has been excused because of a situation that happened years ago.
Where is the accountability? When do people begin to learn from their situations and use them as a vessel to get them to where they need to be in life? Often times, we just say “Pray for that person.” Yes, that is well and good as prayer is always in order, but that in essence can sometimes be an “Okie Doke” pass. Sometimes, the behaviors that are frustrating us need to be addressed. How is a person ever to learn from his her actions if there is no consequences from the negative actions? Why do we continue to give people the same old “Okie Doke Pass”? What is up with that?
We see this pass given out a lot in our public school systems, particularly our inner-city or urban schools. Often times, we give students passes for their behavior based on our assumptions about their situations. We excuse a child for not bringing in the adequate supplies to class, because “he is so poor…” yet they have expensive cellular phones and shoes. We continue to allow students to return to the classroom after they have cursed out teachers, harassed other students, and are a threat to the overall safety of the school but, “he has no father in the home..” is the excuse that is given and the student is let off the hook, he just received “The Okie Doke Pass” These children then turn into adults who continue to think that this behavior is normal and accepted and that society will continue to give them a pass for their actions. Most of these kids then get the shock of their lives when they realize the rest of the world simply is just not that way.
We have to stop excusing negative behaviors and actions, while yes we do not want to give energy to a lot of negative actions and behaviors, sometimes we have to address it otherwise the person will continue to think that their behavior is okay and acceptable because it has been allowed to go on for so long unchecked. While yes, it may not change the behavior, the more people that challenge the person’s ways, the more uncomfortable they will become with the negative actions.

Trim The Fat in 2013

Trimming The Fat in 2013


As we looked to the end of 2012 and realized that the Mayans were wrong, it is time to think about what we want for 2013. As cliché as it is to talk about the word “resolution”, I do believe that it is important to set some goals, discover ideas, and get rid of our lose the things that are going to hinder you from having a successful 2013.
Before you can begin to look at all the things that you want to achieve in the upcoming year, I think you first have to look at the issues or people that are making are impacting your lives in a negative way. Day after day, we continue to allow people that are close to us that are really not doing anything for us to continue to take up our energy, and thoughts.
Often times, we make resolutions to lose weight, and trim the fat from our physical bodies, but I think that is important that we trim the fat and lose the dead weight from our mental and spiritual areas as well. So many times we hold on to things that in the long run we see are probably not good for us to begin with. These are what I call deadweight friendships or relationships. You have tried and tried, made excuse after excuse, defended to you are blue in the face, but to no avail. Then you finally realize like the En Vogue R&B hit you have reached an impasse, you have to let go.
Friendships are like gems they should be treasured. No friend should treat you as if you were an inconvenience in his or her life. It is understandable that everyone is busy with careers, family, drama, and just life in general, but that is no excuse to blow off friends or loved ones who you claim to care to care so much about. If a friend is treating you badly, makes no time for you, rarely checks in then you have to wonder.
If you have friends that have such little expectations of friendship that they do no communicate with you, initiate conversation only when they want gossip, or when they need to talk about them, you have to wonder is this a real friendship.
We have to let go of the people who also cause us drama and stress. There are way too many people who continue to take up space in our lives and they are not contributing anything.
We also have to stop giving what I call the “okie doke” pass to people who continue to exhibit negative behaviors that affect each of us, yet they continue to get passes because we do not want to address their behavior or they get a pass because of whatever hardships they have experienced in the past. This has become a very frustrating epidemic. We continue to let people in our lives mooch off us, throw temper tantrums, gossip about others. We ourselves exhibit petty jealousies, hold grudges, and become unwilling to forgive others. We still trip about things that happened in 1983, 1994, and 2004 rather than focusing on 2013. That is also fat we need to trim, the fat of the past. Let it go, move on. We need to continue to grow and focusing on what someone did to us in the past and what we did to someone else in the past needs to be cut. We can never move forward if we continue to rewind the tape of our past on the negative things that have happened. The important lesson is what did you learn from the negative incident to make your life better?
As we move forward in our 2013, lets trim the fat in our physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional areas. If not, we will continue to let that fat cause us harm in so many ways. Its time we all trim the fat for a leaner 2013.
Happy New Year!