Don't Waste Time, Grow Up!

"Please don't justify yourself, it's pathetic! If you tell me to F---K off, I would have more respect for you."
Line from the movie Fatal Attraction.

Anyone that has seen that movie, knows the line. While yes, Alex Forest played by Glen Close may have been crazy certifiable squirrel bait, she did have a very good point with this statement. As I am getting older, I guess I am losing my patience with a lot of child like games and things from people who claim that they are down for you. Life is too short to deal with drama and games from people. While it is inevitable to have people cause strife in your life, some of it is so unnecessary. It is time to break down the different type of things that should no longer be accepted from friends or loved ones.

It is extremely irritating to have someone say, "Let's hang out." or "Hey bro, give me a call." Yet when you do, they do not answer the phone, respond to a text or talk behind your back. What was your purpose of telling the person that? If you do not like somebody or enjoy their company, then why would you waste their time or go through the motions of making such statements? The person you are saying this to actually thinks you like hanging out with them. Often times, people are not as fragile as we would like to think. You think that maybe you are protecting their feelings by not telling them the truth, but you are actually hurting them more in the process. If you do not enjoy somebody's company then you should let them know. You do not have to be a douchebag about it, but you can say, "Hey, we just don't have anything in common, I'd rather not hang out with you." As hurtful as it may be at first, it is more hurtful to find out from another person or third party that you feel this way. Nothing sucks more than to think you have a good friend, and then find out that you value the friendship more than they do. For me, it is not about lip service, if you don't like a person, let them know. They will get over it. You are actually freeing them and you from wasting time. They will stop texting you or making effort to do things with you. Odds are they have other people that they call on that actually do enjoy their company.
If somebody makes you mad, why not tell them? Giving someone the silent treatment or giving them the cold shoulder accomplishes what? There are far too many grown people doing this type of crap. In the long run, what do you hope to gain by doing this? How hard is it to speak on an issue you have with your brother or sister, especially if you claim to be close? If someone has wronged you, you need to speak up. Often times, the person you are mad at does not even know what they have done. They are left scratching their heads wondering, "What did I do?", or they ask you, "Are we good?", "We ok?" You tell them yes, but in your head you are cursing them out or making a conscious choice to make them work hard to figure out what he or or she has done to you. That is doing too much. Matthew 18:15-17 states,

15"If your brother sins against you,[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[c] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

So as Christians we are supposed to address our brother/sister if he or she has wronged us. We need to speak on it and move on. Yet so many of us don't. We find it easier to talk behind their backs, stop calling them, and wishing them malice. Where is the "Christ" in that?

It is time out for high school like games. Most of you reading this are adults, it is time out for being fake. Speak about it and be about it. If you don't like me, tell me. If I have wronged you tell me. Let's talk about it in love. As Fantasia would say, "If you don't want me then don't talk to me. Go ahead and free yourself." But since some of this is about friendships, I am going to say "like" in lieu of "want". :-)

In the spirit of love,
CG2

"I'm Confident Enough To Admit I'm Flawed!"

Have you ever read a book or taken a test in English Lit. (think back some of you)

and been asked "What is our protagonist's main character flaw?", "How does this flaw affect the character?" This was not easily a one sentence or two sentence answer. Your teacher or professor was really looking for you to to put some meat (or thought) to this question and really answer it to the best of your ability. Does this sound familiar to most of you? Well, flip that and apply it to you.
Think about if you yourself was a character in a book. You were the protagonist in the story. What would be your character flaw? If the professor were to ask other students in the class what was your character flaw what would they say?
First off, I think it is important to define what a character flaw is. A character flaw is defined as:

In the creation and criticism of fictional works, a character flaw is a limitation, imperfection, problem, phobia, or deficiency present in a character who may be otherwise very functional. The flaw can be a problem that directly affects the character's actions and abilities, such as a violent temper. Alternatively, it can be a simple foible or personality defect, which affects the character's motives and social interactions, but little else.

Source - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_flaw

So now that you have a definition what is problem, imperfection, problem or phobia that in sense limits us in our personal growth. "Well I don't have any flaws." Some of you might be thinking that very thing that you don't have any flaws. This blog entry is probably not for you then. You probably want to go ahead and go back to la la land and when you are ready to be honest with yourself, then come back at anytime. But for the rest of us, we all have flaws. We all have something that we struggle to overcome on a daily basis but yet we still struggle. We look to God for strength and wisdom but we still struggle. Or perhaps you just don't understand what your flaw is. A major part of growing is to admit that you have issues in your life that you need to work on or improve on. What is that one issue that keeps you limited.
I am not unwilling to talk the talk here. My struggle is taking things personally. I am an emotionally charged person on a lot of levels. I admit I take it personally when people do not respond back to text messages or phone calls particularly friends and family. I begin to create all of these scenarios in my head that the person is mad or upset with me even when I have done nothing to warrant it, yet my mind continues to think it. Ironically, I am not always available to answer calls or respond to text so I should be more understanding right? Well in a perfect world, where everything made sense that would be true, but still I get upset and become frustrated when I do not hear back from people. When I get the "I'm busy" excuse I feel like it is really someone saying, "Hey you are just not worth my time right now. My lack of response should be a message to you. Reality check!"
I am beginning to understand that this is not the case with everyone and I have come a long way. I am overcoming it day by day but some days are harder than others. I think a lot of this struggle with this issue, but we are all works in progress. What is the issue in your life that you struggle with? Do you take offense easily? Do you judge others constantly? Are you a weak person that has no backbone? Are you constantly looking for trouble in the form of a fight? Do you have a giant chip on your shoulder? Whatever the issue, it is time to take inventory on yourself. Flip the question around from earlier and journal on yourself. Here is the question I want you to ask yourself.

What is my biggest character flaw? How does it set a limitation on my life? How does it impact my relationship with others? Can I overcome this?


As you begin to write, you will begin to work at taring down the walls that you have around you. Admitting to yourself that you are flawed will begin to start the process of growing and learning more about yourself. It is hard but it will be so worth it.


Have a great day. Be Blessed.
CG

Reject Rejection!

A little known fact:

Anita Baker once was a lead singer for the R&B/Detroit based group Chapter 8. The group garnered a modest R&B hit with the single "I Just Want To Be Your Girl". I am sure you hardcore R&B lovers particularly lovers of the "Quiet Storm" genre remember that song. The group was signed to the label Ariola records. The company was then sold to the label Arista, label home to such legendary artist Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, and "The Queen of Soul" herself Aretha Franklin. Arista and mogul Clive Davis was weighing all its options with the Ariola roster and decided to not pick up the option to renew Chapter 8 and their contract and blamed Anita Baker for not renewing.
According to Anita, Arista executives, "told me that I Could not sing..." After that Anita Baker went back to Detroit and became a receptionist at a law firm. She had medical insurance, paid vacations, and had an apartment. "Gradually, I found myself joining what I call the real world. I guess it took me a full year to get [the music industry] out of my system. I would never even play the radio- and I didn't even own a stereo!"(Nathan 348) Anita had given up on her dream and did the safe thing but God had other plans. A few years later, the record exec who used to run Ariola had formed another record label called Beverly Glenn and remembered Anita Baker's voice. He wanted to sign her IMMEDIATELY. Anita resisted because she was doing the safe thing. She did not want to step out there and face the rejection again. But when GOD has a vision and plan for your life.. he will make it happen in one way or another. Anita decided to take a chance and step out on faith.
( Excerpts Taken from the book Soulful Divas by David Nathan.


Now today Anita Baker has earned:

8 Grammy Awards
One gold and four platinum albums with sales exceeding over 12 million
A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

Think about our lives. How many of us like Anita had our dream rejected or suffered some type of adversity that made us just give up and throw in the towel? How many of us have allowed the naysayers in our lives to win and have the victory, when we should be looking to God for answers? What if Anita Baker had played it safe after getting that rejection from the record label? Remember, the label execs had in short told her that she "could not sing". That had to be devastating for her. To have someone in the industry tell her that. It would have been enough for anyone to just give up. In essence, Anita did give up for a while, but GOD had other plans for her. He gave her a second chance to realize the potential in herself and the potential that he saw in her. God allowed Otis Smith to come back into her life who had believed in her all those years ago. He started his record label and remembered Anita's voice. that was nothing but God. God is stronger than any rejection that man can throw at us.
Yesterday, I got my first rejection in the pursuit of my dreams. Since it was my first rejection, I felt the sting of it a little bit. I heard all of the naysayers in my head who told me that I would never make it and that I should play it safe go, "See I told you so!". I was down for a little bit, then I remembered the story that I read in Soulful Divas on Anita Baker. Record execs told her that "she could not sing". If a legendary singer such as Anita Baker was able to overcome that and go on to become one of the most revered and honored singers of our time, there is no telling what I can do, and there is no telling what you can do if you try.
Yes, we will face rejection in some form or another from publishing companies, record labels, schools that we apply to, jobs that we apply for that we are hoping to get, promotions that were awarded to someone else, and negative feedback from our families and friends, a girlfriend or boyfriend dumps us. We have to learn to reject that rejection and the rejectors :-) and keep pushing. God has a plan for our lives and if we continue to keep pushing and moving, the sky will be the limit. Anita Baker did it, so can the rest of us.
So the next time you receive a rejection letter, or get passed on that promotion, remember God is still there waiting to promote you. True promotion only comes from him anyway. There is something bigger and better waiting for you and that promotion or what you were seeking was probably going to get in the way, so REJECT that REJECTION and project your voice and say "God's got me..he is going to take me to higher heights that even I did not anticipate." Get out of that safe lane and push forward. Step out and step up. It will be so worth it in the end.
God bless.
CG

God bless.

Nathan, David. Soulful Divas. New York: Billboard Books, 1999.

What a character!

As I am watching reruns of The Bob Newhart Show and The Golden Girls, I could not help but think of who my all time favorite television characters are/were. There are so many great shows that have made an impact on my life, but a show is only as good as the actors that play the roles. Here is my tribute to the best television characters of all time (in no particular order):


1. Roseanne Conner (played by Roseanne Barr) - Roseanne
2. Heathcliff Huxtable (played by Bill Cosby) - The Cosby Show
3. Clair Huxtable (played by Phylicia Rashaad)- The Cosby Show
4. Martin Payne (played by Martin Lawrence) - Martin
5. ALL of The Golden Girls (Bea Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty) - The Golden Girls
6. Whitley Gilbert (played by Jasmine Guy) - A Different World
7. DeWayne Wayne (played by Kadeem Hardison) - A Different World
8. James Evans (played by John Amos) - Good Times
9. Darlene Connor (played by Sarah Gilbert)- Roseanne
10. Victor Newman (played by Eric Braeden) - The Young & The Restless
11. Abby Ewing (played by Donna Mills) - Knots Landing
12. Maxine Shaw (played by Erika Alexander) - Living Single
13. Jackie Harris (played by Laurie Metcalf) - Roseanne
14. Christina Yang (played by Sandra Oh) - Grey's Anatomy
15. Karen Walker (played by Megan Mullally - Will & Grace
16. Nat X - (played by Chris Rock) - Saturday Night Live
17. Debbie Downer (played by Rachel Dratch) - Saturday Night Live
18. Mary Richards (played by Mary Tyler Moore) - Mary Tyler Moore Show
19. Ted Baxter (played by Ted Knight) - Mary Tyler Moore Show
20. Cast of Seinfield (Jerry Seinfield, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander) - Seinfield
21. Dan Connor - (played by John Goodman) - Roseanne
22. Bob Hartley - (played by Bob Newhart) - Bob Newhart Show
23. J.R Ewing - (played by Larry Hagman) - Dallas
24. Cast of Cheers - Cheers
25. Frasier Krane (played by Kelsey Grammar) - Frasier
26. William Dent (played by Reggie Hayes ) - Girlfriends
27. Jack Tripper (played by John Ritter) - Three's Company
28. Barney Stitsen (played by Neil Patrick Harris) - How I Met Your Mother
29. Lucy Ricardo (played by Lucille Ball) - I Love Lucy
30. Sue Ann Nevins (played by Betty White) - Mary Tyler Moore Show
31. Jill Munroe (played by Farrah Fawcet-Majors) Charlie's Angels
32. Alex Keaton (played by Michael J. Fox) - Family Ties
33. Steven Keaton (played by Michael Gross) - Family Ties
34. Michael Scott (played by Steve Carell) - The Office
35. Jim Halpert (played by John Krasinski) - The Office

More to come later...

Knock Knock Who's There?

Think about this:

You are sitting in your comfortable chair watching television eating your favorite snack, sipping on your favorite drink and relaxing after a hard day of work. You are really enjoying your show and just feeling so at peace, and comfortable and relaxed, when all of a sudden.....

BAM BAM BAM!!

A knock on the door. You were not really expecting anyone. You don't know what is going on. Nobody called to tell you they were coming over and so you first assume maybe it is some stranger, a solicitor, or somebody who has the wrong address and while those scenarios could possibly play out, 90% of the time it is someone you know, particularly YOUR FAMILY. You open your door, you try to muster up some welcoming phrase and allow your relative in. "I was in the area so I thought I would come by!" What is with this? Am I the only one that finds this behavior rude and inconsiderate? What if I was entertaining someone? What if I was sick? What if I was in the bed? Any of these situations could have occurred.
What gives people the right to do this? At what point do they think this acceptable behavior? Who told them this? I find it extremely irritating and rude, does anyone else? I mean no disrespect and do not mean to offend anyone but it all about doing better in 2012 right? Respect for others also means to respect their time and space. Showing up without any notice is not cool and basically telling the person whose house you are showing up at that you do not respect their time or privacy enough to give them heads up. What is so difficult about this?
And before anyone gets in their feelings about this, I am not talking about anyone in particular or one situation. This has not happened recently but I felt compelled to write about it. Plus, if you take offense to this, then you obviously must be one of the offenders.
It is also particularly rude to come over late at night or after 7pm. That is when kids are going to bed, lights are dimming. You come over unexpected and ring the doorbell or knock on the door, there is no telling what that does to people on the inside of the house. It could be scary particularly to someone who is home alone or children who are of age at home by themselves. Don't be surprised or offended if they choose not to answer the door. Its for safety, there are too many crazies out there folks.

It is not difficult to be courteous. There are simple steps to do so.

1. If you just happen to be "in the area" call anyway. Just because you are
"in the area" does not give you the right to just pop up unannounced. Most of
time time you know in advance that you will be "in the area" so call early in
the day and say "Hey I will be over your way later, will it be cool to stop
by?" Then, when you are on your way, call again. It courteous.

2. If you are "in the area" and you do call and they do not answer, don't just
show up with the excuse, "I tried calling you and you didn't answer." This
is irritating because its like you are excusing your rude behavior. If I did
not answer, I was not available. Coming over anyway is in bad taste.

3.Do not bring other guests with you if you show up unannounced. That just adds
insult to injury. Don't do it, especially someone that is unknown to the person
at the house.

4. Even if you are only five minutes away, call anyway. Five minutes is better
than nothing.

Speaking for me, I like to have time to prepare for you. Meaning I want to make sure my house is presentable, I want to make sure that I have food or some type of snack for you, and I am not entertaining other company i.e a date. Do not take it personal if a person says its not cool to come over. Odds are other things are going on.You are not entitled to be able to come over when you feel like it. That is not cool at all. And if a person tells you its not cool, and you show up anyway, you have sunk to all time low on the rude scale. They have every right to not answer the door if you do show up. Again its about doing better in 2012, so lets be courteous to those who we love and not just do things like this because we feel our loved ones should welcome us at anytime. I love to entertain, and I love people, but that does not mean I want you to show up at all hours of the day. I want to prepare for you. How do yaw feel? Don't take offense, Its all in love folks...
Be blessed.