Can't They All Just Get Along??

Atlantic Starr, Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, Con Funk Shun, Arrested Development, The Supremes, The Temptations, what do all of these groups have in common? Beside the fact that they were pioneers of their time making undeniable contributions to not just R&B but popular music and being influential to a lot of contemporary soul, pop, hip-hop, and rock artists, they have been ripped apart due to creative, financial, and personal differences. Unfortunately, it now seems that 90s legendary R&B girl group En Vogue have now been added to the list.
En Vogue was my favorite R&B group of the 90s. I loved, loved, LOVED them. I always remembered I wanted to date Cindy and Terry. I have every CD, and watched every live performance. Today, I was saddened to learn that En Vogue has now split into two different groups: one group consisting of Maxine Jones and Dawn Robinson (they will be adding two new members) and then Cindy Herron, Terry Ellis and proverbial substitute Rhona Bennett. Nobody knows what is going on internally and we are only left to speculate but it is probably a pretty good guess that there is infighting due to money, power, and creativity. It made me think of The Temptations back in the day, a group that has went through numerous challenges and ego trips starting with David Ruffin who allegedly felt he was bigger than the group. Ruffin wanted his name to be David Ruffin & The Temptations which was an unreasonable request because unlike Smokey Robinson and The Miracles and Diana Ross and the Supremes, David Ruffin was not the only lead singer. Was this the same issue that plagued Dawn Robinson? This is not En Vogue’s first round at this dramatic rodeo. Dawn Robinson has left the group off and on since 1997 striving for solo superstardom which has continued to elude her. Now sadly, Maxine Jones has joined Dawn against Terry and Maxine. It reminds me of when David Ruffin was axed from the group and then Eddie Kendrick was soon to follow. Is this the same thing happened with En Vogue. Did Jones and Robinson recent the power of Herron and Ellis, who are arguably the group’s driving force? In the Temptations, Eddie and David, and ironically David’s replacement Dennis Edwards formed their own Temptations group while Otis Williams and Melvin Franklin continued on with the original group. Can anyone see the parallels here?

In looking at all of these groups I think it is tragic that a lot of these groups that started off as friends in the neighborhood end up falling victim to the pitfalls of fame, greed, and power trips. The Supremes started off as teenage girlfriends from the Brewster Street projects in Detroit, and then were ripped apart by the attention that Motown gave to Diana Ross. We all know the story. Florence Ballard was ousted from the group and later on Diana and Mary Wilson had their own string of issues that in some way they are still working out today. Ross, Wilson, and Ballard replacement Cindy Birdsong almost came close to a reunion in 2000 but could not come together on the contracts and money. Ross “reunited” with two Supremes who she never appeared with and the public was less than enthused. The tour was a bust.

Atlantic Starr started out as a group of friends from the East coast who traveled over 2,000 miles together with only $300 in their pocket in hopes of making it big in Los Angeles. They were friends and who considered themselves more family then friends actually. Tragically, when the Lewis brothers David and Wayne began to write a majority of the songs, and consequently receive more of the money, infighting began and the group split into two sides and eventually the side without the Lewis brothers ended up leaving the group.

A similar fate happened to Con Funk Shun when their infighting actually got physical and led to a physical altercation between original group members Felton Pilate and Louis McCall resulting in Felton leaving the group. Eventually, Michael Cooper took the reins of the group and according to the T.V music documentary Unsung, ousted Louis McCall from the group for missing shows, which McCall’s wife Linda claimed was due to medical reasons.

Rufus featuring Chaka Khan was a group like no other. They were in essence a funk/soul version of rock groups Jefferson Airplane and Fleetwood Mac. No other R&B group had an all male band with a female lead. They were ahead of its time. Chaka Khan’s wild nature and stage presence would ultimately make her the focus of the group (hence the name change from Rufus to Rufus featuring Chaka Khan). Eventually creative differences began to dog this group as well and Chaka Khan began her solo career in 1978 with her R&B/Pop Anthem “I’m Every Woman” from her self-titled debut album Chaka. After her solo-debut, Khan found it harder and harder to return to Rufus (Khan was contractually obligated to return for two more Rufus albums) mainly due to creative differences. Khan wanted the freedom to explore more musical genres while Rufus and the industry execs wanted Chaka to continue on the same track. Khan reunited with Rufus in 2001 for a brief reunion but has gone on record as saying that she probably would not be doing anymore Rufus reunions save for teaming up with Rufus guitarist Tony Maiden who she does shows with occasionally. Is this as an issue of been there done that or were there just too many internal issues and infighting that have left a bitter taste in Khan’s mouth due to the stress of it all? We may never know…

Arrested Development is another group that was ahead of their time becoming a modern 90s and hip-hop version of Sly & The Family Stone, yet tragically they got in their own way. Ego’s and conflicts over power and money tore this group apart and they have struggled to find their way back to the spotlight. It has gotten so bad between certain members of the group that original member, Aerle Taree saying that there are days that she wished she never even met (group leader) Speech. Damn!

Who suffers from all of this infighting, group splits and on again/off again drama? The fans suffer. Like children of divorces parents, we have to suffer the loss of a broken up music group. Like hopeful children we wait and anticipate the day when our musical groups reunite and end the musical divorce. Yet often, it never happens because bitterness, egos, and pride win out. Most of us listen to music and attend concerts as a way of escaping our own personal dramas and stresses. Why in the world would we want to be subjected to all of this drama then? The argument made by most of these groups is that it is supposed to “be about the music.” I suppose in way that is true, but who really wants to listen to a replacement Chaka Khan with Rufus? Did the Supremes do as well without Diana Ross? Did The Commodores have the same level of success without Lionel Richie? I say it is time to get all of the egos out of the way and come together and create that magic that we the fans deserve. Honestly, a lot of members from the groups from the 60’s and 70’s are passing away and are becoming ill, and only then do the bands reunite and come together but when it is time to get into the studio, they reach an impasse. Granted, I have never been a member of a group, but I have had to work in a group at work and believe you me I know there are a lot of differences but at the end of the day it was not about me, it was not about them, it was about the finished product. I wish these groups would understand that when they argue, split, reunite, split again, add substitutes that it frustrates us the fans. I should not have to decide which En Vogue group I want to see because two are in this group and two are in the other, that is doing way too much.

These groups should think back to their early days and struggles. Think about what it took to get them to that success. Think about the fans who buy their albums, and think about the talent that God has blessed them with. Now mind you some of these situations cannot be helped. Of course The Temptations had to move on and make the tough decision to oust Ruffin, his ego got in the way and the group had to move on. It is one thing when individual members move on from a group amicably but usually that never happens. There is usually always some type of friction. Individual members should remember that even though a member sings lead a majority or a little of the time, there is no one person bigger than the group itself. I think the 1978 Jean Carne R&B hit is an appropriate here, “Don’t let it go to your head no!” Groups, your fans are waiting for you to get it together, but we will not be waiting forever. Get past the egos and the hurt feelings and remember it is about the music.

Dying Art of Yesterday

Dying Arts of Yesterday.
How many of you reflect back on your youth and childhoods and reflect back with a smile? Even some of you that did not have the most pleasant of childhoods or memories, often there is one thing, one event that you can cling to. I am constantly reminded of my childhood, my youth and the things that we used to do for fun and for entertainment. As I look at the youth of today, I am deeply concerned with their lives and the lack of energy, drive, and motivation to get things done. I think about how if they grew up with us (those of us who grew up in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s) they would not last a minute.

I pause back to the summers growing up in Bonner Springs. Our summers were the best of times. I remember that we would never be in the house. Because Bonner was a small community a majority of my friends and cousins were in walking distance. Growing up on Insley Ave, I was just within walking distance of Springdale, Armor, Neconi, and Highview streets. That is where all the action was. We would not be in the house texting people all day but we would actually have face to face contact with each other. We would WALK to Fun Valley Swimming Pool and that was a far walk. Sometimes if we were lucky we would get a ride with an aunt or uncle or one of our parents if they had the day off, but most of the time we would walk. We would walk downtown to the Dairy Queen or to the Dairy Dine for some treats. We would not have to wait on our parents to take us. Tell one of these kids to walk today, and they would look at you left right and sideways.

Do not even wake up Sunday nights. After we went to church in the mornings (which was a requirement in the Gilrath household) we would all meet up at 148 Armor Ave. That was the home of my late great-grandparents Arthur I. & Ruth C. Bolton. On Sunday evenings, you could not find a parking spot on the street in front of their house because the house would be full of all of our family and close family friends. I know that had to be an irritation for the neighbors as there were no driveways on Armor, but I digress. J Across the street was (and still is) the First Christian Church and they had a huge parking lot. We would entertain ourselves by playing Hide & Go Seek and Freeze Tag in that parking lot. We would have so much fun just being together. We would play for hours. Then once we got done with those games, we would go walking around the neighborhood, not to vandalize property or disrespect people but just to be together. Okay yeah, sometimes we were bad. We would go knocking on doors and run. What a rush that was. I still to this day do not know or can explain why that was so dang funny but it was a rush, I guess it was the thrill of almost getting caught. It was so much fun.


When the summers were over, that did not spoil our fun. We would still all find ways to hang together. We used to go sledding or have snowball fights. We would still be outside until the frigid cold winters would no longer allow us to do so. That is okay, we would just move the party indoors. We would walk to school if we did not have a ride. I did not get a car until after I graduated high school. I remember walking to school more than I rode to school. We would find shortcuts (who remembers the trails?) and other ways to make it to and from. I remember after school on the way home, it would be at least five to ten people always walking in a group. High School was so much fun, homecoming parades, float construction, and school dances. I remember being active in yearbook staff, track & field, Student Council, and various other clubs and activities. I made memories for myself. Then when I wanted to make a little extra money, I got a job at Wal-Mart, yet I still had time to hang with everyone. I was proud that I was able to kick it and now have the money to do it. There was such a since of accomplishment for myself being able to hold down my own after-school job.
It is so nice to have these memories. Often times on Facebook, and at our class reunions we will reminisce about our days that we had. You know stuff like, “Remember when we raced down Springdale and such and such fell?” We have dozens upon dozens of memories like those.

Now as I think about that, I think about our youth today. What is it that they will reflect back on? “Hey Bonequesha, remember when you sent me that text back in 2012?” “Remember that Little Weezy track?” The memories for youth will be dramatically different then the memories that we had, and that concerns me. It seems like a majority of youth have become so lazy, and so apathetic. They do not want to do anything that requires effort. How many times have I seen kids post on social media sites, “I’m bored! Somebody text me.” Really? I cannot remember ever using the word “bored” in my vocabulary in my youth. There was always something to do. I look at some of the kids in school now and I say to them often, “Yaw could not hang with us back in the day!” These kids who do not want to walk anywhere, or do anything unless it gratifies them instantly, are missing out on the fun we had as kids. Am I saying that their lives are useless and that they are all lazy, no of course not, but they are missing out on a lot of the fun that we had.


Number one, our parents would not allow such laziness and disrespect. Kids now are friends with their parents and tell them what they are going to do and are not going to do. We could not just eat whatever we wanted when we pleased. Parents actually cooked decent meals. I remember on Saturday’s, my father always making pancakes, and it was such a big deal for us. Now in the mornings, I see kids eating bags of hot fries and potato chips. Wow. Because we walked a lot and participated in physical activities we were healthy. Kids today because of technology and instant gratification are highly obese and unhealthy. They do not want to do anything that requires physical effort. “That’s doing too much!”, they say. I have actually seen kids complain because they have to go to the bathroom, but they do not want to walk to use it. Wow. These kids could not hang with us back in the day, nor would we want them to. Anyone lazy in our group, would get left behind, and left out. Today it has become socially acceptable and excused. “Well times have changed.” I hear that a lot. So that is the excuse now, we have gotten so used to laziness and complacency that we have lowered the expectations for our younger generations, thus adding to the problem.
Yesterday, on Facebook I proposed that all of youth from the 80’s and 90’s show the young people how to do it. We all meet back in our prospective childhood spots and show our children of today what we did. Give them NO CHOICE and NO EXCUSE. Let’s give them some of the memories that we had, they are in desperate need of it, even though they may not know it yet.

The Dying Arts & Their Replacements

Dying Art: Walking around neighborhood with cousins and neighborhood friends. Direct face to face contact. Sitting in bedroom texting friends back and forth. Replaced With: Texting some people in the same house because some kids are too lazy to go to the next room or go down the steps.

Dying Art:High school float construction and spirit week centered around Homecoming with the theme of class unity and team building. Replaced With: Cuts in programs such as these and attitudes such as “that is boring..” “That is too much work!” Schools no longer allow float construction off high school campus for safety precautions. Never was an issue back in the day.

Dying Art:School spirit and support of school teams despite winning/losing record. School spirit increased and boosted the morale of the athletic teams. Friday night games were crowded. Replaced With:Jabs, Jokes, and disrespect toward teams. “I am not going they suck! They lose!” Lack of attendance at games unless it’s a rival game with another school.

Dying Art: Physical activity such as P.E and Exercise classes being a graduation requirement. Replaced With: More focus on technology classes as the requirement. Physical Education is not required in a lot of schools now for graduation.

Dying Art: Board games that stimulated minds and required critical thinking and team building. Replaced With: Computer apps, and text messages, videos, movies, and vulgarity.

Dying Art: Respectful behavior towards elders. Youth would speak to adults first and greet their elders, teachers, older relatives. Replaced With: Adults having to speak to kids first, kids refusing to open their mouths to adults. Kids telling adults they are being “disrespectful”.

Dying Art:Being respectful of adults enough to not speak curse words, profanity, and ask
inappropriate questions to adults. Replaced With: Teens not only cursing around adults, but being so comfortable with it, they get an attitude when you ask them to stop. Some parents now curse with their kids. The lines are now so blurred.

Dying Art: After school jobs and/or chores for most teens were a requirement to learn responsibility and independence. Replaced With: Teens not being made to work and are enabled by their parents who then turn into adults who are now mooching and freeloading off of everyone.

Dying Art: Music that talked about love, togetherness. Music that had a message, sparked creativity and thinking. Music that was timeless and not outdated. Replaced With: Music that is filled with obscenity, ignorance, and hateful thoughts. Not all music is like this though and we did have music that was vulgar in our day but it has become so much of a norm now. Music is not so much a fad of today.

Dying Art:Kids being required to do chores before any type of fun activity. Given a check off list and being accountable. Replaced With: Kids telling parents that that is too much work and they should not have to do it. They are too tired after being at school all day.

Dying Art: Extra-curricular activities at school being a requirement for graduation and for colleges. Kids loved participating in extra activities.Replaced With: Extra-curricular activities/clubs being cut due to budgets cuts and due to lack of interest from teens and lack of sponsorship from overwhelmed and overworked teachers.

I want to end this by giving a shot out to the good kids that give me hope for the future for our youth. Of course you can’t do that without giving a shot out to the parents that are raising them with the values that our parents instilled in us. Not all of the youth are bad youth. We should honor and celebrate those young people more often.

Freedom of Non-Speech

While I am the first to protect the First Amendment and freedom of speech, I am very troubled by some who abuse the privilege allotted to all of us Americans. It seems that lately we have become so vulgar, so abusive, and so negative towards each other and hide behind both the First Amendment and our other personal freedoms. I am extremely discouraged by the amount of disparaging unprofessionalism that I see around me constantly.

I often hear people say, “Well this is my First Amendment right!” Really? Whenever I hear someone using extreme profanity in a professional setting or in the presence of adults I just cringe. Whenever I see hate groups talking so badly about another group that differs from them and say “This is my first amendment right” I think of Spiderman and Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben telling Peter, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” I think that is so fitting when we hide behind our constitution or your age (“I’m grown!”). Just because we have the freedom to do something does not mean we should abuse it.

When I think of negative language I think of teenagers. I am very embarrassed by the amount of profanity that I hear coming from our youth these days. I remember a time in my life being a teen and I would accidentally let slip a curse word in front of my mother, I would be so embarrassed and be so apologetic. It did not happen but twice in my life, but twice was all it took ;-). Now I listen to kids curse so much that I just get angry. There is no embarrassment. Young ladies are now okay with calling each other “bitch!” so much. They yell out rap lyrics that are filled with so much cursing and so much degradation. Now I am not writing this as a way to blame the entertainment industry for teens using such bad language, but who do we blame...I say each other. I have seen a lot of educators refuse to address the bad language and just let it go. Kids now believe it’s a normal behavior. I cannot tell you how many times I have corrected a teen from using profanity and then they say, “I can’t help it.!” The only way that you “cannot help it” is if you have Turret’s. Then some of the older teens say, “I’m grown!” I think that is rather ironic since at this very moment you are showing just how immature and how unprofessional you really are.

Hate groups hide behind the first amendment as well. We let them get away with it. I get so disgusted and irritated when I see groups protest funerals of fallen soldiers or funerals of public figures with picket signs that display so much hate and degradation towards another group of people. Then we say, “Well that is their first amendment right.” Seriously? Often times, we say that because it does not affect us directly. But yet if these people were protesting at our loved ones funerals we would be fit to be tied. Something has to be done to protect people who are grieving from these hate mongers who also profess to be Christians and representing Christ. How would God be pleased with all of this hate? Other hate groups talk about they hate “Blacks”, “Jews”, and other minorities. Then they again hide behind the constitution. Some people can make indirect threats and be protected. Where do we draw the line?

We as a nation are taking our freedoms for granted and abusing them. When we are giving privileges, we abuse them. Where is the responsibility? Where is the accountability? We allow our kids to curse and have become so complacent. Adults have so much foul language it is ridiculous. It is one thing to be a comedian or an entertainer and use that kind of language. At least when I go to a concert or play a song I know what I am going to get, and if I do not like it, I can turn it off. But when I hear profanity and hate in public setting where kids are, or at the dinner table? That is a problem. It has become such a norm that often times we are immune to it. Kids no longer have respect for the authority around them because we as adults are not holding them accountable. I cannot tell you how many mothers and fathers I hear cursing right along with their children. I have actually heard daughters call their mothers “Bitch” and then the mom calls them one back. Then don’t you tell the parent their child has been using profanity, they will look at you left, right and sideways like it is not a big deal. I remember at times calling parents at home and telling them that their son or daughter has an issue with profanity and then they go “Oh yeah, they cuss that way at home.” What??? My response would always be, “So what are we going to do about it.? You may find this behavior acceptable at home, but it is not acceptable here!” Have we really gotten to this low point?

It is never cool to have an excuse for hatred, ignorance, and violence. We hide behind our age, our laws, and dare I say it but our bibles (“God told me to say this!”) and think that God is pleased with our actions. It is time out for all of it. Again, with great power comes great responsibility. The first amendment is a wonderful thing, but let’s not abuse it, let us not hide behind it. It is time that out for it as a matter of fact, its way past due.

Pack'd My Bags, They Were At The Door!

Pack’d My Bags – Put Em At The Door!

While I did not have a lot time to think about it then, this past weekend I would have lived in Los Angeles/Long Beach for a year, it is my year anniversary. As I think about it, I reflect back to the adventure I had one year ago. It is hard to believe it has been a year, and now I am officially a Californian. I have made it one year even though some would say I would not. I made it one year, even though some turned away because they feel as if I abandoned them. I think about everything that led me to the track out here. Everything happens for a reason and everything happens for a purpose. We go through one season to prepare us for another. The last two years of my unpredictable season has led me to this moment writing here from my home in Long Beach, California.

I think back to the 1975 Rufus featuring Chaka Khan classic “Pack’d My Bags.” As I think of the first line of that song subtly belted out by Khan,

“I can tell by the look that’s in your eyes and I’m not surprised. You’ve got to move on like the sun’s got to rise, and I’m just holding you down. Cause the universe is calling you, you are one, the chosen few, you got to pay your dues.”

I think of that song in great detail because my mother told me that she was not surprised when I made the announcement to move. I also think of that song because in a way where I was at I was being held down and I was not in a position to grow. I had to move forward metaphorically and physically. The universe was indeed calling me to greatness and only in this move would I find that greatness.

I think of the road trip I embarked on. I make the soundtrack for my listening pleasure. Since it was a time for reflection, I made songs that reminded me of road trips to California and to other cities such as Dallas and Little Rock. I mapped out my entire trip. I was going to be at this city by this time, be on this road by that time, and be in California by another time. Well, it did not quite work out that way. I left a lot later than I had expected thus delaying my arrival into the golden state by one day. The first night I did not even make it to Albuquerque, New Mexico like I had anticipated. I only made it to Oklahoma City and stopped as by then it was already 12:30 in the morning. I probably could have tracked on to Amarillo, but I decided to play it safe as I did not know what road conditions would be ahead and I did not want to be on the road drowsy and risk falling asleep at the wheel (been there done that). What I finally approached the New Mexico border I was very excited. I remember travelling down interstate 40 many times growing up and being in awe of all the mountains, cactuses, and beautiful scenery. Of course back then, all I had to is ride, eat, and sleep. I did not have to drive, so I did not remember all of the adverse warnings such as, “Elk crossing”, “Dust bowls”, and “Severe Wind Gusts” it seems like as soon as I got to New Mexico I would see those signs everywhere.

I remember just being a tad bit nervous for having to drive in all of these

conditions, but those were nothing compared to the steep downgrades I had to start driving in starting in Albuquerque and going forward. While I studied and researched some of the mountain downgrades, nothing could prepare me for it. I remember I-40 being separated by the mountains and driving through mountains with nobody but me on the road and the other side of the highway being hidden by the steep mountains. It felt like I was in a scene from a movie. To say I was nervous would have been an understatement. I took my time, drove slowly much to the annoyance of others. I decided that because there were so many mountains, and steep downgrades, and that this was my first time taking a road trip by myself that I should play it safe and only really drive during the daytime hours. So I split the 27 hour trip up by 3 days driving a total of nine hours each day, delaying my trip by two days. That was okay with me. After all, it had only taken me fifteen years to get here (1996 was the year I decided I wanted to live in California) so what was a few more days? I thought that once I got to California I would be safe from all of the mountain downgrades thinking the worse was behind me in Arizona, boy was I wrong. How could I have forgotten the Cajon Pass? The Cajon Pass was a 6% downgrade that was out of Victorville, CA off the 1-15. I was never so scared in my life driving down this steep downgrade. I held on to my steering wheel like a baby clings to his mother. I drove down it like going 45 miles while getting flipped the bird, getting honked at, and getting dirty looks from passers by who were obviously used to driving down the steep mountain pass, they had to have been they were going down that thing at 75-80 m.p.h.

Once I got down the downgrade in one piece, I was in the Inland Empire and then on to the Los Angeles metro area. I slowly began to see the L.A skyline in the horizon and knew I was almost home, I had made it. I think about all of the dangerous conditions and delays that I had to endure and thought it was a perfect parallel for my life. I had a lot of dangerous conditions and delays to my success before I reached this moment, before I could to my season of favor. Once I survived all that, I could now embrace this newness. I welcomed to my new home by a nice surprise party, a few welcome gifts, and very nice dinner. I had made it. I was finally here after all of the downgrades, dust, winds, and life issues.

Fast forward to a year later, I have found a job, made lots of new friends, and have continued on the track to making my writing dreams and goals a reality. I have met celebrities such as Doug E. Fresh, Tyreece and Queen Latifah and accomplished a life long dream of mine by FINALLY being able to go on The Price is Right. Has it always been easy? Of course not. There are days where I miss my family and friends in Kansas City. There are days were I feel isolated but those days are few and far between now as I celebrate my one year anniversary. I am happy, I am blessed. I am thankful for those in California here who have embraced me. I am thankful for those in Kansas City who loved me enough to let me go to embark on this new journey, always know that KC will always be home to me.

For anyone contemplating making a move in your life, and it does not have to be a physical move but maybe a pursuit of a new job, embracing a new relationship, leaving an old relationship behind, I encourage you to DO IT. Yes there will be wind gusts, there will be steep downgrades, and there will be delays but with God on your side all things are possible and you will see your “L.A Skyline” in the horizon. Keep pushing forward.

Vain Existence

"Is my living in vain…?”

Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever think that whatever it is that you are doing is all for nothing or just a complete waste of time? Do you feel bogged down by the negative energy that is around you or the discouragement you feel others project towards you? The Longman English dictionary defines “vain” as “without success despite your efforts.” I know a lot of us feel that we put in a lot of work and there is no reward, no thanks, and no support.
When I think about things being done in vain I think of the occupation of teaching. Teachers do a lot of work in the school building but do a lot of work outside of the school day. We stay after sc after school to tutor and sponsor clubs, and on the weekends we are working where a lot of other people can deprogram and leave their 9-5 jobs at work. As an educator, we find it hard to balance our time. Most educators have wives, husbands, children, friends, family and other obligations that they have to deal with yet they are at home grading papers, creating lesson plans, reevaluating strategies, and so on. Yet a lot of the times, the job is thankless. We have children who are apathetic, lazy, and unwilling to meet us halfway in our quest to get them to learn. What do we get sometimes for our efforts? We get cursed out, yelled at, and get all types of lazy attitudes. We often wonder is it worth it? Is all the work that we are doing outside of the school day worth it? We then deal with administrators, school officials, “support” staff who demand a lot of our time requiring extra meetings, set unrealistic goals and demand we show proof of extensive lesson plans. Parents blame us for their children failing and sometimes the administrators as well. We wonder is it worth it? Why are we doing this? There is no success or so it seems. Then we get an email from a student that just recently graduated that says, “Because of you, I am successful in college.” Or “I was going to drop out, but because you cared about me. I am sticking with it.” Amazingly enough that makes it worth it. We then know our efforts were not in vain. Yet sometimes, life and other people make us question that.
Sometimes, being nice to people can be in vain. I cannot tell you the countless people that I encounter on a day-to-day basis that is unquestionably unfriendly or mean. I consider myself a very nice and positive person and I work hard to give over that image to everyone I come in contact with, but sometimes those efforts are futile. You speak to people, yet they do not speak back. You offer an encouraging word to check in with people in your life, yet you get no response. They are “too busy”. Sometimes we try to make conversations with people only to be brushed off or dismissed. You have to really know who you are to be able to maintain your persona. Sometimes, it truly does feel like nice guys do finish last. The world is so stuck on being mean and rude that if you are not careful, you will find yourself confirming to those ways.
As I think of efforts being in vain, I think about my writing career. At times, I feel as if nobody is really taking an interest in what I am doing. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I cannot get certain people to get behind me and support what I am doing and that frustrates me at times. As of the last couple of days, I felt like just giving it up and just being complacent with my 9-5 job, but something inside me keeps going and continues to get motivated to stay the course. I have to step up my game in terms of keeping this dream alive. Then when it seems like I am at my lowest in terms of throwing in the towel, someone sends me a message and tells me they were inspired by what I had just written, then I feel pumped and motivated to continue because if my writing can inspire, entertain or at times even offend people, I know that I am still walking in my purpose. I know eventually the right publisher will find me; the write people will come into my life to get me to that next level. I am human, I will get discouraged and unmotivated. There are days that I am angry at the world because I feel like the work I do is not appreciated. There are days we all feel that way if we are honest with ourselves. We get mad at the people who we feel should be supporting us and encouraging us and yet they are not. As Joel Osteen has said and I quote many times, “Understand your destiny is not tied to them. You do not need them to succeed.”
I am very grateful for the people in my life who continue to support, encourage, and also check in with me. Know that your support goes a long way. As you are continuing your dreams and working on your goals, cling to those who are giving you support. Whenever someone sends you a positive encouraging email or message, save it and print it out. I have done that. Whenever, I feel discouraged or empty, I pull those messages out and look to those to keep my juices going. Most importantly, I look to God for strength. As you feel unmotivated and feel like giving up find a scripture or inspirational quote to keep you juiced up. I found this one today and it was very helpful.
‘Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, for as much as you know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

Lego My Ego!

It happens to the best of us. It is something that gets in the way of our professional, personal, and spiritual development. It wrecks our relationships and our credibility. We often refuse to see it when it is right in front of us, or sometimes we just cannot see it because we are so much in our own way that we are blinded to it. That my friends is the dreaded ego.

There is nothing wrong with being confident or taking pride in your work or in your accomplishments. What God has blessed us with is nothing that we should take lightly. Our personal and professional accomplishments should be a part of our testimonies. However, what happens some of the time is that because of these accomplishments or our status, we let that go to our heads and we become prideful, arrogant, and disrespectful. We see it every day with our political leaders who have become so ego and power driven that they forget the big picture and forget what their actual purpose is. A person suffering from an ego problem is someone who has become so caught up in believing his or her own hype that they no longer see when they have offended someone. They no longer say “I’m sorry.” Because in his or her own mind, they are always right and if someone is offended by his or her words, it is their problem. We sometimes let our egos get in the way of looking for or seeking help when we need it. Because we are so stuck on ourselves we begin doing things that adversely affect other people and we do not see it.

Think about that coworker that has just gotten a new promotion. Now they are your boss. Now suddenly they have forgotten where they have come from. They start to give all of these new demands and work orders. For example, a fellow teacher has now become a principal or lead teacher. Suddenly, they are calling all types of meetings and making all of these demands on your time suddenly suffering from amnesia because they have forgotten all of the challenges that teachers face, one of them primarily being, lack of time to accomplish everything. They become combative, argumentative and take things personally when you question them or ask them for clarification. It is only ego that would cause this type of issue or conflict because the person has begun to believe his or her own hype and when they feel their status is being called to the carpet, they get defensive and sensitive.

Sometimes, if we are not careful we let our egos get in the way when we try to help others. We begin to feel that because of who or what we are, we can help everyone going through struggles and strife even if that person has not asked for help. We interject ourselves in people’s lives without their consent. We judge harshly and speak negatively towards a person because our ego has fooled us into thinking that the person needs it only to have that person tell you where to go and then bam we are in are feelings because our unwarranted advice has been rejected.

Some religious leaders and fellow Christians are not exempt from suffering from ego trips. Sometimes as Christians we also begin to believe our own hype. We feel as if we are so worthy and so pristine that we hold other Christians who are not measuring up to man’s (not God’s) standards of what a walk with Jesus is, they are damned to hell or not as good of a Christian. Some of our fellow leaders also begin to believe their own hype as well. They are exempt from making mistakes or not willing to listen to suggestions or take critiques. It is important to remember that people in the ministry are not walking on water and are subject to the same temptations, weaknesses, and failures as we all are. Yet we have some leaders fooling themselves into believing that they are exempt from the pitfalls of sin and on the other side of that coin, we have some believers who condemn or judge our clergy more harshly when they do step out on faith and admit to their failures and moments of weakness.

It is our egos that lead us to believe that when God blesses us financially or materially that we are better than our brother and sister who have a little less than us. We look down on those who get assistance, those who are unemployed, and those who need to ask us for help from time to time because in our eyes, we feel that person is less because they are not as lucky as we are. The ego part causes those people to forget that any of us could easily be in that position one day yet that dreaded ego fools us into believing that could never be so. That is the saddest part. I hate when I hear people say, “I don’t understand how people can’t pay their bills.” You never know when that could be you. Yet the ego side of us fools us into believing that cannot be us and those who are needy are just mooching off of the government.

It is time out for all of these ego trips. We are looking down at others, condemning others, judging others, and falling out of favor with God and with each other. Friendships and family relationships are being destroyed. Credibility is being shot, and negative images are being formed. The ego is a liar and a cancer on our personal, professional, and spiritual growth. Nobody is exempt from suffering from ego trips. We have all gone down that road before. We have to be careful not go down that road too many times, or we are bound to get lost, twisted, and turned around.

In the spirit of love,
CG2

Face The "Reality"!

Last night, I was flipping through the channels looking for television shows that had some substance to it. Of course there were the guilty pleasures Jersey Shore, Love & Hip-Hop, and the countless other reality shows that focus on drama, ignorance, and decadence. As of recently, I was very frustrated with the fact that the more and more we try to avoid it, reality shows have become the focus and center of our popular culture. I was discouraged that we as a society celebrate such non celebs like Snooki and Honey Boo-Boo, and continue to give Bristol Palin airtime as a “celebrity”. Nothing against Ms. Palin personally but I think calling her a celebrity and continuing to send the message that she is infact a star is a little much.
I was ready to turn my television set off and just focus on listening so some good old soul music, having enough of the reality television shows that are anything but realistic. That was until I happened on TvOne and found the show Save My Son. I was intrigued by what I saw. The show is hosted by Dr. Steve Perry and it primarily focuses on his mission to help young men being raised by single mothers who lack a strong male presence in the home. Most of the young men are on the border of falling off the proverbial cliff called jail, drugs, or death. The show is basically an intervention of sorts that try to get the young men back on track and introduce these young men to some positive male role models and step up to the plate because their fathers were not man enough to do so. Last night’s show focused on a young man being at Steve Harvey’s camp that he host for young men who are falling off. Hats off to Dr. Perry and TvOne for doing this show. This is a must see for show for any single mom raising young men even if the young men are doing well in society. It is very easy for our young men who are susceptible to so many pressures and temptations to go the wrong way. This show gives them some focus and advice in case they do face those temptations.
As I watch the show, I was inspired to mentor young men who may need it. But as I was inspired I also grew a little frustrated. I was frustrated because I knew that for all of its efforts, the show will get little to no press or hype from the mainstream media. This is a reality show that is indeed realistic. Can you imagine the push this show would get if it were endorsed on Access Hollywood, The Insider, or Entertainment Tonight? We do not focus on reality shows that offer hope, offer advice and show the real experience of everyday hardworking Americans. Instead we focus on seeing Snooki throwing up in a bathroom, housewives fighting outside of a club, and an ego driven athlete or washed up celebrity trying to find love. It is sad that we do not give hype to the shows that are actually out there trying to help the public in some shape, form or fashion.
If we are looking at reality shows to be our new medium in Hollywood, why not celebrate those reality shows that are giving a positive spin to this new genre? There are several reality shows that fit this category and they need to be celebrated. Here are few reality shows that you should check out:
· Save My Son (TvOne) – A great show to watch with any young man. Not just black men. Gives a focus on our young teens who feel like they do not have a voice or that nobody cares especially young men who do not have a strong male presence in their home or in their lives.
· Beyond Scared Straight (A&E) – A great show for any young person who feels indestructible or invincible. This would be a great discussion piece for teen groups or in the classrooms. The show puts young people in a prison system for a day to show them that the harsh realities of prison are not glamorous. A great show to educate our young minds. Especially those who have a problem with authority and lack direction and focus.
· Intervention (A&E): A documentary reality show that goes into the pitfalls and struggles of drug addicts and their families who are often enablers and victims. A strong deterrent for anyone tempted to indulge in alcohol, illegal substances, and even prescription medications.
· Hoarders: Buried Alive – We all know that person who has a hard time throwing things away. This show is a great warning or precautionary tell to anyone who struggles as a pack rat. This show people how bad it could end up. Warning: this is not for the squeamish or weak stomached.
· R&B Divas (TVOne) – When I first saw the previews for this show, I was not sold. I thought it would just be another show about has been celebrities looking for another fifteen minutes of fame. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I watched the show. The show focuses on some very talented R&B divas primarily from the 1990s that are trying to get their careers back on track while trying to raise families, deal with the pitfalls of Hollywood, and dealing with their personal demons. I like that the show focuses on the R&B music that we are all missing today. It focuses on some talented ladies such as Faith Evans and Syleena Johnson who would otherwise not get any attention on other mainstream music or entertainment networks.
· Parole Diaries (TVOne) – I have always wondered what the life of a parole officer was like. This show really gives me the answers. A parole officer much like a teacher is not given a lot of credit. This show really gives a focus on what the daily professional life of parole officer is really like. It is also a great show to help anyone who has just recently been paroled learn what they have to stay on parole and not avoid jail time for something as simple as failing to call in to your parole officer to not reporting your new address. Yes, things like that will get you thrown back in the slammer.
If you are looking for a reality show with some substance, there are some out there. The reality shows like the ones I just mentioned are great learning tools and conversations pieces especially with our young people. Thank you to the creators, producers, and networks that are responsible for these shows. You are saving lives, educating, and giving a voice to people who may not otherwise be heard.