I Got An Answer For Ya!

A grievous mistake occurred the other day on my part. Fortunately, it was one I could correct very easily. It is a mistake I have I have made more than a few times in the past, but as I am getting older and a little wiser I am not making that mistake as much, that my friends is explaining your actions, decisions, and opinions to others. As you hit a certain age, and you have accomplished things, and you begin to add more and more to your successes and even your failures, you grow, you live and you learn. These things increase more with time, so does the need to explain yourself as well as the need to have people accept you.

I think back to when I was in high school. That was such a fun, complex, confusing, and conflicting time in my life. The need to have people accept and need me was overwhelming. I always wanted to fit in, and be accepted. So much so that at times, I would catch myself holding back on things, rolling over for others, and letting people take advantage. I was what you called “The nice guy.” Of course there is nothing wrong with being the nice guy. That is a reputation I hope to continue to hold on to as I continue to move in this life. However, what has changed with time as that now I do not hold back. I do not give in (as much), and I let my voice be heard. I think a lot of times when you are nice, people tend to take advantage of your kindness, and confuse your niceness and easygoing nature as passive or weak. I am neither, however some often confuse the behaviors.

Why now? Because I think I have earned the right to do so. When you have taken steps to better your life, when you accomplish the things that you have set out to do, you feel justified in the way you live your life. For me these past three years have increased my confidence levels, moved me from a place of repeated self-doubt and need for approval, to accepting and loving the person I am and no longer needing people to approve my decision. The need to justify myself to others had decreased. Am I at one hundred percent, no of course not, I do not think there is anybody who could ever be at that level but I now feel more comfortable in my own skin. I look in the mirror and like what I see. If others do not like it, that is there problem. The only person who I feel the need to explain to is the almighty creator God himself. In certain situations, you do need to explain to others of course. Your boss for being late, team members for missing a meeting, and so on. But that is the limit. I do not owe anyone explanations on things in my personal life or for the decisions I make especially if they are of no consequence to them.

It always amazes me when people expect explanations or when we feel obligated to explain something to someone. Most of the time, our own guilty convictions or inexplicable need to be accepted are the root cause, so we catch ourselves explaining away or apologizing for our opinions or feeling like trouble or uncomfortable when we do express ourselves. Why? Look at what we have been through. Look at what we have accomplished. With that, why feel uncomfortable.
Believe or not, there are some people who I feel in my heart do not like me (even though they don’t think I know). Even a year ago, that would bother me because I would ask myself, “Why?” “Do I need act a certain way?” “Maybe if I say this or say that…” Then I thought to myself one-day wait a minute? Who cares? There is nothing wrong with me. I am a good guy. I have lot of talents and God has blessed me. If God sees me with love and acceptance, why worry what others think? He created me and loves me. If others don’t that is there problem not mine.
Will it always be easy? Will I always be at 100%, again no. With growth, will come growing pains. Some people will not be ready for your growth, but in time either they will accept it or they will not. As I write this, I always think of my grandmother Christine, who had no problem expressing herself and did not give two cents about what anybody thought about her. She had a confidence like I had never seen before. She had a swag and a style all her own. She had no problem mincing words. She always would say… “I got an answer for ya!” and I loved that. As I continue to grow, get older and accomplish more. I hope I too can continue you to say…”You may not like me, or what I am doing, but I got an answer for you…!”

In love,

CG2