“I disagree with that statement!” Or “What if we try this…” Uh oh!!
One of the greatest things about living in this great country of ours is Freedom of Speech as allotted to us by the Constitution of the United States. With that freedom gives us the right to our opinions, our say, our voice, and also the right to disagree. However sometimes it seems like some people have missed that memo.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who’s egos are so fragile and who are insecure with themselves, that when you disagree with them, their world is rocked to their core. Immediately they internalize the disagreement as a personal issue and assume the person disagreeing with them either does not like them, is a troublemaker, or both. It has never dawned on them that they could be wrong or the person disagreeing (most of the time respectfully) or has another suggestion is merely trying to provide other solutions or suggestions often times that may benefit or be helpful to the person with the fragile ego who had the original thought.
There have been a few work environments and organizations (that shall remain nameless) that I have dealt with this mentality all too often. In one particular environment if you asked questions or challenged an idea or project, you were called to the side, talked about, or put on a “troublemaker” list. “You are not being a team player! This is what you are often told. Pretty soon secret meetings begin to occur in which you are left out and not included because heaven forbid you disagree or have another suggestion. Only the people who “drink the Kool-Aid” so to speak are then included in decision making, asked to present at meetings, or used as the model or example to the other team members who are now considered “trouble”, “rebel rousers”, and “insubordinates”.
People with these fragile egos often time will call the people who disagree with them and ask why they disagreed or ask them if they are in or out with the system. Sometimes they call others and ask, “Does so and so not like me? What do they say about me?” In their minds, it’s too inconceivable that their idea was not the best or that simply somebody disagrees because they have another solution.
This could often take place in friendships or intimate relationships as well. We all have that one friend who has this desire to be right all the time often times at the expense of other people in the friend circle. They are constantly correcting you, putting others down, and often times its to mask their own insecurities and fears. When you disagree you are called “sensitive”, “in your feelings”, or “difficult”. When often times, its actually the other way around. You disagreeing or having a valid argument that you put in their orbit is too much for them to deal with. They are not used to being challenged or have someone disagree with him or her so as a result, the communication begins to decrease. Text messages stop being answered, calls stop, and follow ups not likely. All because their ego and pride cannot handle being challenged.
What these insecure people need to understand is that are multiple ways to accomplish things and that everyone in their circle whether it be their professional or personal ones have something to bring to the table. Think of it this way. I may take the 405 freeway to get to LAX, you may take the 105 freeway. You may think the 105 is quicker. Does it often matter as long as we get to the same destination? There are multiple ways to get to our destinations. Appreciate the different routes and methods people use in life to get their and that sometimes you may be provided with another route, what’s the harm in taking it?
Marinate on that…
CG2
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