I Love Music!: Music Therapy

Find An Outlet

As I am sitting here right now, I am listening to “Sunshine” by Babyface and am automatically transformed back to the year 1989. I am flooded by so many memories. It is funny how a song can jog a memory or take you back to a different place. Music does that for me. For the past two weeks, I really had not listened to a lot of music because I was mourning the loss of both my Grandmother and Aunt Alleyne, but just the last few days, I slowly got back into listening to my music and began writing again, my two biggest creative releases.
1989 was obviously such a different year than 2013. As I listen to various songs from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I am thinking of pictures, situations, and people from that era. Like every time I hear the songs “Shake” by The Gap Band, “Shining Star” by The Manhattans, “Don’t Stop The Music” by Yarbrough & Peoples, “Double Dutch Bus” by Frankie Smith, I think back to growing up as a small child at 217 N. Park in Bonner Springs which was my Grandmother’s house where my dad and his siblings grew up. I hear the songs “You, Me & He” by Mtume, “Ah, Ah, Ah” by The Jones Girls, “I Didn’t Mean To Turn You On” by Cherelle, the memories from 1984 flood back and I think of my Great-Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and their picnic when my cousin Vincent told me that I was “too young” to listen to that music and I could not fully understand it, little did he know.
It is funny how songs can do that for you. Anything from the 90s takes me back to growing up on Insley Ave, going to the high school dances, walking one street over to Springdale, sleepovers at my cousins’ houses, and going to visit my family in California. Music is such a stress reliever and brings out so many different emotions. Sometimes, I get a little misty eyed when I hear songs from the eras I grew up in. It reminds me of simpler times, and sometimes painfully reminds me of the loved ones who are no longer here. When I hear the music I think that it was before 9/11, before Newtown or Aurora. While the 70s, 80s, and 90s were hardly all peaceful, there was a certain innocence of those decades that you cannot find today. This is why I love old school music so much. No other type of music can spark memories in my mind, reenergize me when I am feeling down or tired, and give me peace of mind. When I want to get the creative juices flowing, I put on some Anita Baker or Stevie Wonder. Nobody inspires me to write like they do.
So as you deal with the day to day hustle and bustle of life, deal with the stress and strain of it all put on a little Natalie Cole sing with reckless abandon “I’ve Got Love On My Mind” or to a little Earth, Wind & Fire telling you to cheer up with “Keep Your Head To The Sky”. There is a reason music is the universal language. It gives comfort and evokes so much emotion and reflection.

Happy Listening!

Family Ties Can't Be Broken

Family Ties Cannot Be Broken


I never thought that two months ago when I went to Kansas City for my grandmother’s Homegoing services that only six weeks later, I would be saying goodbye to her beloved sister and best friend, my dear Aunt Alleyne Wallace. I still cannot believe it. I am still in mourning and still wondering, “Did this really happen?” It is too soon after my Grandmommie passed away, it is too soon after my Aunt Benita passed away. Death has rocked our family hard this last year and a half. Sure it is a natural part of life and it is something we all have to face sooner or later, but it does not make it any easier.
One thing that gives me comfort and I am sure others as well is that my Grandmother is now reunited with her sisters and parents. They are cutting up giving each other a hard time, and they are looking down on us expecting us to carry on their legacies and their love. My grandmother and Aunt Alleyne were not sad people and could not tolerate being around anyone else who was sad and depressed. Sadness was simply not in their vocabularies. They suffered much loss and much pain, yet they never complained and never wanted anyone else to feel sorry for them.
As we continue to live our lives, I feel that there is no better time then the present to cherish the family that lives on to celebrate those who have moved on. While I may not always show it, I am so grateful for my family. We have a family that a lot of people admire and love. There are so many people who wish they could be Bolton’s. When my Grandmother and Aunt Alleyne passed away, there was such an outpouring of love shown to our family and that is truly to be appreciated. That is something that none of us should take lightly. Not everyone gets the kind of love and admiration that these three received. That is the kind of love and kind-heartedness I want to be known for.
The love that my Aunt showed everyone is something I strive for. I may sometimes fall short of that but I love all of my relatives. Each of them adds a little something, something to our family dynamic. There is always a funny story, some little gem that makes my siblings, cousins, and I chuckle. There are so many stories, so many memories. We have to continue to remember that.
In June, we will be attending our bi-annual family reunion in Las Vegas. While yes, this year reunion will be a little heavy on our hearts without Aunt Benita, Grandmommie, and Aunt Alleyne, they would want us to push forward and do the around the world for them. They would want life to go on. That being said, how do you move forward? You just do it one day at time, no matter how difficult it is. To my family, I love you all so much. While our hearts are broken and this is a fragile time for our family right now, lets continue to honor the ones who have gone on before us, by continuing to push forward one day at a time.

See you all in June.

With lots and lots of love,

Chris II aka “Little Chris”

Reality TV: Our Generation's Disco

Think back to the 1970s and disco music. When disco hit it hit big. It came in like an annoying relative who rings your doorbell unannounced. For almost ten years disco was all over the country. There were disco clubs all over the place and every artist worth salt was making disco records. One-hit wonders were a common trend in the 70s. What ever happened to A Taste of Honey, Silver Connection, Andrea True, and Hot Chocolate? Disco was so huge that A Taste of Honey won the Best New Artist category at the Grammy’s beating out such future legendary artist The Cars and Elvis Costello. The telecast also added a Best Disco Category (the category has since been dissolved). Studio 54 was THE hangout of the day where you had to be somebody to get in. Yes, disco was making a huge cultural impact much to the chagrin of Rock and Roll fans, and R&B funk musicians, who sometimes unfairly got grouped into the disco categories. Also hit makers such as Aretha Franklin, James Brown, and Ray Charles careers took a back seat with music fans in favor of disco. Towards the end of the decade, disco became overkill and was getting on the nerves of a lot of people, which lead to an “I Hate Disco” rally/demolition in Comiskey Park in Chicago on July 12, 1979. Add to that the fact that legendary rock artist Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart felt it necessary to keep up with the musical Joneses by making disco tracks and then disco became a huge joke when Ethel Merman recorded a disco album and legendary disc jockey Rick Dees made a parody of the music genre by recording “Disco Duck”. By the early 80s, disco was out; rock and hip-hop was in. A lot of the one hit wonders star power from the 70s had faded. Nobody can argue the cultural impact that disco had, but it is safe to say that is was overkill after a certain point.
Now fast forward to some thirty years later, there is a new type of disco craze. It has been sweeping the nation for twenty years. It is a horse that keeps on running and running and that my friends are called reality television. Nowadays, you can turn to any channel on your television set and you will find some type of reality show on. My mind flashes back to 1992, when MTV made television history by producing the groundbreaking television show The Real World. At the time, I thought the concept was genius. You had several people from all walks of like, from different backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations picked to live in house and have their lives taped. What a great concepts. Then Survivor came and introduced the concept of reality competition television and The Osborne’s gave us glimpses into the private lives of celebrities with their show of the same name. Like disco, reality television hit and hit hard. Yet now, it is becoming too much to deal with. When you have television shows that show people getting their cars repossessed, entertainers with little to no star power popping up with reality shows just so they can keep their names out there, shows about trailer park trash, and exterminators, I think we have reached a point of no return.
Even gospel artists such as Mary Mary, Marvin Sapp, and Karen Clark-Sheard have jumped on the reality bandwagon and are doing reality shows based on their lives. Sound familiar? Does this not sound similar to what Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart did in the late 70s with disco? No disrespect to the gospel acts, I am sure their intent is pure, but it’s vaguely familiar to the disco concept. But perhaps the biggest blow to the reality genre is the conception of the show Splash that debuted this week on ABC. On this show you get to see such D-List celebrities such as Louie Anderson, Kendra Wilkinson, and Nicole Eggert compete by jumping off of a diving board to see who can be the best high dive jumper. It is presumable that ABC is trying to capitalize off of the success of its predecessor, Dancing With The Stars. However, its cautionary to ask is Splash our new Ethel Merman making a disco album? Do we really want to see Louie Anderson in a wet suit jump off a diving board? How do we consider Kendra Wilkinson a celebrity when all she has done is reality based television? Something is seriously wrong with this picture.Reality based programming has made such a splash that like with disco, The Emmys have added three reality categories to their show, Best Reality Competition and Reality Program just like the Grammy’s did with disco in the 70s. Kim Kardashian, arguably the Aretha Franklin of reality television even laughably asked the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce for a star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame and asked them to consider a reality television category. Kardashian was instantly turned down.
Even huge groundbreaking rating blockbusters such as Dancing With Stars and American Idol have lost some momentum. With the exception of DL Hughley, Winona Judd, and Dorothy Hamil, this year’s cast seems hardly recognizable. The last few years of winners of American Idol have not nearly had as much mainstream success as say Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and Fantasia. The focus has been much more on the revolving door of judges that have come in and out since the departure or original judges Paul Abdul and Simon Cowell. While the ratings of these two shows are still decent, they are nowhere near where they once were. Is this a sign that the genre is on its way out? Have we gotten too much of a good thing? How many of the couples from The Bachelor have found there happily ever after?
Now do not get it twisted, there a lot of reality based television shows that I think are worth merit but unfortunately, the media does not focus on those shows (see list below). However, I think we have sunk to a new low when we have “celebrities” jumping off diving boards, what next Pewee Herman and Pauly Shore competing on a bull riding show? Reality television has made such an impact that has lasted longer then even disco did, but just how much longer will the genre last. Like the “I Hate Disco” punk rockers, and funkateers, you have had a few celebrities speak out against reality show personalities and their 15 minutes of fame, arguably because of all the hard work they have put into their careers, the dues they paid, the blood, sweat, and tears, and when you see these reality stars sitting at the same tables as them after only five minutes of fame, one can see how it would leave a bitter taste in their mouth. After all, it would be a bitter pill to swallow. A-List celebrities such as Kevin Hart and The Wayans family are even cashing in on making fun of the genre by creating spoofs of famous or infamous rather reality shows. Hart’s Real Husbands of Hollywood has become a ratings bonanza for BET making fun of such shows Basketball Wives, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and others.
There is a place for reality television, but like disco, everything has its time and place, and this time is slowly but surely fading. Exactly how many “real” housewives shows do we need? The “Real” World is not longer real and many of the cities have been reused. Like everything, all good (and in this case bad) things must come to an end and I think the genre has run its course.

Reality Shows Worth Watching

There are some really good reality shows out there that aim to inform the public, make us laugh, and inspire us. Yet half of the time, these shows do not get focused on. If only the mainstream media would focus on some of these shows, then maybe it would increase or add a more positive image to the genre of reality television. Here is my list of some reality television that is worth watching:

Beyond Scared Straight (A&E)
Intervention (A&E)
Undercover Boss (CBS)
The Biggest Loser (NBC)
The Real Husbands of Hollywood (satire) (BET)
2nd Generation Wayans (satire) (BET)
The Amazing Race (CBS)
Hoarders (A&E)
Parole Diaries (TvOne)
Save My Son (TvOne)

Never A Dull Moment: A Tribute To My Grandmommie

Never A Dull Moment!


On February 16, 2013, my Grandmother Christine Gilrath received her heavenly award for a life that was full of joy, laughter, happiness, and service. As I am writing this, it is still very hard to comprehend that my grandmother has left us. But it is also comforting to know the memories and the legacy that she has left us with.
My first cousins and I did not call her grandma or grandmother but we called her “Grandmommie”. Growing up, I always wondered why we called her that. As a child, we just called her that and it just stuck. It was not until her interment when my aunt handed me the banner that had “Grandmommie” written in gold lettering that had been beautifully placed on her casket that I was the one that started calling her that name and that is how the name came to be. Because of that, I was given the banner that was quite an honor.

As I stated at her homegoing services, there were a lot of things that I learned from my Grandmommie.I learned that you did not have to be loud or overbearing to get your point across. Most of the time, all my grandmother had to do was point to know she meant business. If we caught her pointing at us, we knew that we were in trouble. If she began to point and move, then you had better get out of the way. Protecting your family was another valuable lesson that I got from my grandmother. I cannot tell you how many times my grandmother would go to bat for not only her children, but her grandchildren, siblings and countless other relatives. There were times I had to stop her from coming to my aide even as an adult, that was just who she was.

Because of grandmommie Christine, I learned about Victor Newman, Katherine Chancellor, Jill Abbott, Cricket, and Nikki from a little show called The Young & The Restless. My grandmother, her sisters, and her mother watched the show religiously. For a few years, during the summers, she would watch us and we dare not come into the house during 11am, because that was then Y&R was on and we better not disturb her viewing. The ultimate rule was that you could not call Bonner Springs in between the hours of 11am to 3pm (when The Guiding Light) would go off. You did have that reprieve from 12-12:30 when the news came on but that was only for thirty minutes until The Bold & The Beautiful came on. To this day, I still watch the show when I can and most of you reading this know you watch it as well.

You cannot say the name Christine without thinking of the following people Johnnie Taylor, B.B King, Bobby “Blue” Bland, and of course Charles Brown. She was a HUGE fan. She loved the songs “The Ghetto”, “These Last Two Dollars”, and “The Blues is All right..” not to mention countless other songs. Her and her sister, my Aunt Alleyne would do the “Around The World” dance at every wedding reception, birthday party, picnic, and family reunion. Much like the Soul Train Line, Christine’s around the world was a given at any of those events.



My grandmommie also taught me that no matter what you went through in life, it was not worth being sad and blue about it. According to my cousin Bobby, when she received the news that she had cancer her response was, “Whatever”. That was her take on everything good or bad. That is how I am trying to carry on. I think we should all take a cue from her book and live life that way. Sure, life gets us down at times and that is okay, but do we have what it takes to get back up on that horse and ride again? My grandmother certainly did.
Age was never an excuse for her either. Nobody ever believed my grandmother was in her 80’s and that someone who loved to dance and party was that age at all. At a time when most people in their 80s were huddled in front of a television down and depressed or grouchy or reflecting on life, Christine Gilrath was living life to the fullest. That is a trend in our family, living life. All of my great-aunts and uncles defy age. They got it form their parents, my great-grandparents Arthur & Ruth Bolton who lived to be 101 and 96 respectively . I used to always tell myself that if this is what senior living looked like, I could not wait to get there.


So while I am sad and missing my grandmommie terribly I am thankful for all of the memories. I know there is a heavenly reunion going right now in heaven with all of the loved ones. I am sure her and my Uncle Wallace is cutting a rug with Johnnie Taylor singing “These Last Two Dollars” and KoKo Taylor singing “Wang Dang Doodle..” In honor of her memory, lets continue to do the “Around The World”, “Picking Up Greens”, and “The Mess Around” in her honor. Life goes on, and we honor her memory by living life to the fullest as that is what she would want.

Love you Grandmommie. Rest in Peace.

Your #1 First Born Grandson,

Chris II

The "Okie Doke" Pass

“The Okie Doke Pass”
Name: Janette VictimBehavior: Freeloading Moocher Reason For Pass: Father was not present in life.

Name: Tyrell Drama Behavior: Constant negative attitude, self-centeredness, gossip Reason For Pass: Family is poor

What you see above is what you would normally call a hall pass. The hall p ass in a school setting normally allows a student to go from one area of the school to another without getting in trouble. It allows a student permission to be somewhere where they normally are not allowed to be. It also stops someone of authority from asking a lot of questions and reprimanding a student for not being where he or she is supposed to be. In the movie Hall Pass two wives give their husband a “hall pass” for the weekend so that they can sleep with as many women as they wan t with the hope that by weekend’s end the husbands will stop talking about having sex with other women as much. All would be forgiven on Monday because of the hall pass.
After watching that movie and thinking about what the word “hall pass” means, I began to think about people in all of our lives that are given hall passes. Meaning no matter what they are doing to others, or no matter what kind of negative behavior they are displaying, society normally gives them a hall pass and the bad behavior is excused and often forgiven without question. Now since a lot of us are not in school anymore, I thought I would change the title of hall pass to the “Okie Doke” pass. Okie doke usually means, “Ok, whatever, no problem.” That is often the attitude we have when someone in our lives causes turmoil and stress. Constantly, we are excusing issues that others are creating for us day to day. For example, do you know people who never ever bring anything to a party? They come with nothing but their hunger, or their thirst. They want to drink up everyone’s alcohol, eat up all the food, and then carry out a plate. Often times we let them do this because someone says, “They are poor, and they can’t afford to bring something.” Yet we see them out at the club kicking it or buying some new shoes, or even a new car, yet they cannot stop by the store and get two bags of chips? Often times, we are told to “Let it go.” Thus they have just been given “The Okie Doke” pass meaning, their bad behavior has just been excused and they are allowed to continue on with their negative behavior because of their life situation.
Everyone has that relative or friend that is constantly stirring up trouble. They are constantly raising hell, finding fault with everyone or everything, and gets on everybody’s nerves. Yet instead of addressing the behavior, we are walking around on eggshells around this person for fear of confrontation or for fear that they are going to go off. “Well he or she has had it hard.” “They got a lot to handle...” Who doesn’t? We all have problems. This person has just been given The Okie Doke Pass. The behavior has been excused because of a situation that happened years ago.
Where is the accountability? When do people begin to learn from their situations and use them as a vessel to get them to where they need to be in life? Often times, we just say “Pray for that person.” Yes, that is well and good as prayer is always in order, but that in essence can sometimes be an “Okie Doke” pass. Sometimes, the behaviors that are frustrating us need to be addressed. How is a person ever to learn from his her actions if there is no consequences from the negative actions? Why do we continue to give people the same old “Okie Doke Pass”? What is up with that?
We see this pass given out a lot in our public school systems, particularly our inner-city or urban schools. Often times, we give students passes for their behavior based on our assumptions about their situations. We excuse a child for not bringing in the adequate supplies to class, because “he is so poor…” yet they have expensive cellular phones and shoes. We continue to allow students to return to the classroom after they have cursed out teachers, harassed other students, and are a threat to the overall safety of the school but, “he has no father in the home..” is the excuse that is given and the student is let off the hook, he just received “The Okie Doke Pass” These children then turn into adults who continue to think that this behavior is normal and accepted and that society will continue to give them a pass for their actions. Most of these kids then get the shock of their lives when they realize the rest of the world simply is just not that way.
We have to stop excusing negative behaviors and actions, while yes we do not want to give energy to a lot of negative actions and behaviors, sometimes we have to address it otherwise the person will continue to think that their behavior is okay and acceptable because it has been allowed to go on for so long unchecked. While yes, it may not change the behavior, the more people that challenge the person’s ways, the more uncomfortable they will become with the negative actions.

Trim The Fat in 2013

Trimming The Fat in 2013


As we looked to the end of 2012 and realized that the Mayans were wrong, it is time to think about what we want for 2013. As cliché as it is to talk about the word “resolution”, I do believe that it is important to set some goals, discover ideas, and get rid of our lose the things that are going to hinder you from having a successful 2013.
Before you can begin to look at all the things that you want to achieve in the upcoming year, I think you first have to look at the issues or people that are making are impacting your lives in a negative way. Day after day, we continue to allow people that are close to us that are really not doing anything for us to continue to take up our energy, and thoughts.
Often times, we make resolutions to lose weight, and trim the fat from our physical bodies, but I think that is important that we trim the fat and lose the dead weight from our mental and spiritual areas as well. So many times we hold on to things that in the long run we see are probably not good for us to begin with. These are what I call deadweight friendships or relationships. You have tried and tried, made excuse after excuse, defended to you are blue in the face, but to no avail. Then you finally realize like the En Vogue R&B hit you have reached an impasse, you have to let go.
Friendships are like gems they should be treasured. No friend should treat you as if you were an inconvenience in his or her life. It is understandable that everyone is busy with careers, family, drama, and just life in general, but that is no excuse to blow off friends or loved ones who you claim to care to care so much about. If a friend is treating you badly, makes no time for you, rarely checks in then you have to wonder.
If you have friends that have such little expectations of friendship that they do no communicate with you, initiate conversation only when they want gossip, or when they need to talk about them, you have to wonder is this a real friendship.
We have to let go of the people who also cause us drama and stress. There are way too many people who continue to take up space in our lives and they are not contributing anything.
We also have to stop giving what I call the “okie doke” pass to people who continue to exhibit negative behaviors that affect each of us, yet they continue to get passes because we do not want to address their behavior or they get a pass because of whatever hardships they have experienced in the past. This has become a very frustrating epidemic. We continue to let people in our lives mooch off us, throw temper tantrums, gossip about others. We ourselves exhibit petty jealousies, hold grudges, and become unwilling to forgive others. We still trip about things that happened in 1983, 1994, and 2004 rather than focusing on 2013. That is also fat we need to trim, the fat of the past. Let it go, move on. We need to continue to grow and focusing on what someone did to us in the past and what we did to someone else in the past needs to be cut. We can never move forward if we continue to rewind the tape of our past on the negative things that have happened. The important lesson is what did you learn from the negative incident to make your life better?
As we move forward in our 2013, lets trim the fat in our physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional areas. If not, we will continue to let that fat cause us harm in so many ways. Its time we all trim the fat for a leaner 2013.
Happy New Year!

Random Observations & Questions: People Watching

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So just a few random observations as you all know I am avid people watcher. I have been watching a few things and events over the last few weeks that have left me extremely puzzled. Maybe you all have the same questions. So lets talk about it. Here we go.

Observation/Question #1:
Why is it that when people are driving and they see a sign that says “Left/Right lane closed ahead.” Or see the giant arrow that is obviously indicating for them to merge over they wait till the very LAST minute to merge over and jam on their breaks causing a backup in the lane everyone else is trying to merge in? What is the deal with that? Come on, did you not read your driver’s license manual?

Observation/Question #2:
Why is it that Lindsay Lohan is not in jail yet? If Lindsay Lohan was LaKesha Lohan from Compton or Linsday Lohan from Dayton, Ohio she would have had the book thrown at her by now. Why is it that she continues to get a free pass? When will she take accountability for her actions instead of blaming the media, the world, her parents, the Easter Bunny etc. Why did she blame media bias on her bomb of a movie Liz & Dick? Did they give her acting lessons?

Observation/Question #3:
Why is it that people post some of the most random and insignificant stuff on Facebook and Twitter? Do we really need to know that your child is on the toilet? Must we know every single detail about the joy’s and trials of parenthood? Posting about funny things your child said is one thing. Posting monumental moments is cool, but seriously posting about your child’s eating and bathroom habits. Do you really need that much attention?

Observation/Question #4:
Why is it that some people are so extremely rude at the checkout lane? When you know you are up, you should be ready. Yet when they get to the checkout lane they do not have their purse, wallet, out and ready to go. You should be writing your check out as you are being rung up. Then it should not take you fifteen minutes to get all of your stuff back into your purse. Has anyone else noticed this?

Observation/Question #5:
Are we really going to be subjected to daily updates on the news about the “Royal Baby” for the next nine months? I mean I know people are fascinated but do we really need to know about Kate Middleton buying diapers and baby crap for the next nine months? Speculations about baby names, baby clothes, etc is too much. Are people really this interested in people this much? So much so that it sometimes takes precedence over MAJOR news?

Observation/Question #6:
Why is it that people take up two parking spaces to avoid their cars being hit, especially this time of year when most businesses are hecka busy? Now it may be a little understandable if it is a 2012 model car but some of them are like 1983 Hondas. Really? Why are you so rude?

Observation/Question #7:
Why are people so desperate for attention lately? If you look at people’s social media updates you can tell they are just starving for attention. Some of the posts are so dramatic and so needy. Let’s not even get started on the pictures.

Observation/Question #8:
What do some ADULTS get out of not speaking to you when they see you? I mean do you really think you are hurting my feelings, especially if we are not even friends to begin with? Get your life together. If you are so desperate to be back in high school, I am sure that can be arranged.

I would love for some answers to these questions. Maybe you all can provide some in the comments box. Maybe you feel the same way. Just some random observations and questions from what I have observed over the last few weeks.

People watcher in full effect!
CG2