by Chris L. Gilrath II
As another year comes to a close, I think of all the clichés that are thrown out there such as New Year resolutions and promises. As this year comes to close I think it is important to reflect on your year and what it brought you and how you are going to use it to grow further the next year. As Mary J. Blige said, “There are so many things that are used as vessels to get us where we need to be in life.” And that is a quote that really sticks with me. So many things have happened this year good and bad that have me where I am right now going into 2012. What a journey it has been. I have grown a lot this year, but with growth there are what we call “Growing Pains” and no I am no talking about that show with Robin Thicke’s daddy on it, I am talking about the struggles and drama that come with growing and coming into your own sense of who you are.
There were a lot of things that came into my orbit in 2011, where do I even begin? I will start with the growth I have experienced as a writer. I began to understand that God has really brought me into harboring and nurturing this gift to share with the word. I am very excited at that prospect. However, it has not been so sunny. Whenever you try something new and make it your focus, you have people who oppose what you are doing. One of the struggles is still that gravitational pull towards teaching in the traditional sense or the safe occupation. It has been very frustrating that some will not or choose not to acknowledge my gift and that that this is what I choose to make my focus. I am qualified and I have the God-given talent, however some of my friends and family seem reluctant to separate me from my past teaching job, and right now my profession, as a teacher is non-existent. I do not have the same passion for a traditional teaching job that I once did and feel like I can grow more and do more by doing more outside of that area, so I will keep working at it till it works out.
This year was definitely a breakout year for me. I decided to venture out and make my dreams happen by relocating to California. I keep reflecting on the journey and still in shock that I now call Los Angeles my home after many years of wanting to dream to happen, God finally allowed it happen by allowing me to go through the last couple of years that I have gone through. I am now out there pursuing my dreams in and interests. My family and friends out there have been so supportive and helping me get to that level, they have opened so many doors. I am so grateful for the crew in California who have embraced me and held me up. You have made the transition so much easier. I am thankful for those who support me and cheer me on from the Midwest. It has been hard; I had to do it for me. I appreciate you for supporting me. Not everyone has been supportive and I have lost some friends who do not understand that I no longer choose to do what is safe and I stepped out of my comfort zone. I know understand that in order to grow and change I had to leave some relationships in the past. I have also realized that some of the dynamics of some the friendships I thought were solid have also changed. That has been a hard pill to swallow, but I have swallowed it.
I lost my dear Aunt Benita this year and that was definitely a setback. I thought
about did she know how I felt about her? We often take so many people in our lives for granted and we do not realize the impact that that person had on our lives until it is too late. I just had no idea that she was that ill, but I guess I knew in the back of my head. I remember feeling guilty at first for leaving on my journey while she was struggling but I reflect back on our last conversation before I left out on my journey and how much of a support she was and her well wishes, so that gives me peace. I definitely miss her but rejoice on the impact that she made on so many people and the lives she touched, and the battles she fought. She will truly be missed, but we will see each other again. I honor her life, by living mine to the fullest and best of my ability. I have to not complain, as she did not. I encourage others even when I do not feel at my best as she did. Life will go on, and that is how she would want it.
As mentioned earlier, some of the dynamics of my friendships changed. With growth, that happens. Some are not ready for your growth or your change. I have seen some friends who have been afraid to step out of faith and live out of their comfort zones, be upset with me because I chose to do it. It seems as if some people want to keep you in a box. So many people define you by your occupation, relationship status, manhood, and financial success. I do not like being put in a box or being defined by one category. It is extremely frustrating. Some friends stop calling you or act is they are too busy. Some relatives make nasty negative comments because you are making the most of your life, and they are not. If you are to grow, this has to happen. As hard as it has been, I keep going. I find as if sometimes I have to apologize for not doing the traditional things that others do, or I catch myself explaining myself to others but as Minister Cynthia Saddler said to me, “You should not have to waste time explaining your actions and dreams to others.” That has really stuck with me this year yet sometimes I forget that.
As 2011 leaves us and we embark on 2012, I plan on it being the year where people
know that I am not playing around. I am going for mine. I am living my dreams and have made successes. I have already got my website launched and preparing to take that to the next level. As 2012 enters into your life, what do you plan to do with it? Do you plan on having another year like the last one where you just go through the motions and live every day like the last? Are you going to step out on faith and take a chance? Maybe there are relationships you need to strengthen. Maybe you need to go out and find that dream job. Perhaps there are people who you let to continue to frustrate you and it harbors in your heart. Maybe there is some forgiveness that you need to do both of yourself and for others. It is time to put the past to sleep and wake up in your present and get yours. As you grow, there will be growing pains. You will be encouraged, but also be opposed. You will have support but also have haters. Remember 2011 was a vessel to get you to where you to need to be in 2012. What you do on that vessel is completely up to you.
The best is yet to come! Love you cousin. Nailah
ReplyDelete