I Am Tired, Scared, and Disappointed...

We all know the story. We have seen it play out before our eyes over the last few years. Police Brutality. Attacks on Black Men. It happens over and over again. Now we add 2 more names to this list. Its ridiculous. It keeps happening and yet it elicits the same tired responses from people (White and Black). As an African-American male, I am tired, scared, and disappointed. Its time for a change. 

I Am Tired of Hearing:

“All lives Matter”:

Yes we know all lives matter but its clear that all lives do not matter at this point. So because All Lives Matter “Black Lives Matter” what is so hard about that? It’s not racist, it’s not discriminatory. Its truth. My life as a black man matters. Yes I am an American but a lot of people in society including some of our law enforcement have missed that memo. We are not a terrorist group. Please see the picture below to get an understanding of what are talking about.

To Sum Up "All Lives Matter" Thanks Matt McGorry

“Black people are racist too…”

They sure are. Yes there are racist black people. But why is this brought up when a situation of neglect or mistreatment of black people occur through our law enforcement? Is this to negate the issue at hand? Is it even Stevens? Why are you bringing in up for this conversation? Racism is awful on ANY side we never said that it was not.

“I am so tired of hearing about racism”

I know and I am sorry hearing about how black people such as Alton Sterling a father, a husband, a, son, a friend will never see his kids graduate, dance with daughter at her wedding, and see his grandchildren because he was selling a CD. I am sorry that hearing or reading about mistreatment is an inconvenience to your day. If you are tired of hearing about racism and brutality, can you imagine having to live it? I mean sorry its taking away from your day and perfect existence and white privilege. Imagine being pulled over by the police and asked what you are doing in an affluent suburb (which you live in by the way) and then having to show proof that you live there, like modern day freedom papers. Imagine that. Imagine walking in the mall and having a white man clutch his wife and go “move away from him” as if you were about to attach his wife. Yes that has happened to me. Imagine having to live life like that? Maybe then you would understand, maybe then you would not be “tired”. We are tired too! Tired of living it!

“We have to educate our young black men and raise them up right.”

What does this mean exactly in regards to the situation of Alton Sterling, Tamir Rice, and countless others? So we are saying that if we get pulled over by the police it will matter that we were raised right, have a college degree, and have respect for ourselves that will matter. “Don’t shoot, I’m educated.” That will help? Are we also saying that someone with a 5^th grade education life is not as valuable as one with a Master’s Degree. Education is a passion of mine, I agree we need to educate our communities but what does this have to do with anything? I mean really.

“Black on Black Crime has To Stop”.

Agreed 100% but for this particular situation it holds no relevance. There is white on white crime, Asian on Asian Crime too. The big difference is Alton Sterling, Eric Garner, men paid to protect them killed Tamir Rice. Its not the same thing. That is a different conversation.

“Cop/Blue Lives Matter”

Yes they do. I agree 100%. The senseless killing of 5 police officers in Dallas outrages me. That was ridiculous, shameful, and unnecessary. Inevitably, there is always postings and pictures of cops who are holding the hands of a black child, or some other picture that is meant to shine cops in a good light and says “There are good cops out there..” I agree with this but my question is where are all these good cops when the bad runs cause all this mess? Why aren’t they speaking out? I was a teacher, and when teachers do something bad, teachers speak out. When a teacher commits an inappropriate act with a minor we outraged and speak out. Its embarrassing and gives us a bad look. I am grateful for police officers that risk their lives for us on a daily basis and risk never coming home to see their families. They are doing a job that I could not do, but that does not justify the abuse of authority, power, and the right shoot first and then ask questions later.

I am disappointed:

I am disappointed in the number of my white friends who have either been very silent and unwilling to speak or say anything in this matter. I understand that it is uncomfortable but we need your help. I am also disappointed in the number of my white friends or acquaintance  that have actually said racist or hurtful things. One actually posted this meme (please see below): 

 In regards to the mistreatment of African-American people and the fear of being attacked or killed based off the color of my skin... the response from this person is "put away your race card and grow up.." and "get over yourself"  Needless to say this person is no longer even an acquaintance.

This is 2016...right?

Of some of my white friends and acquaintances : 

 

One called me a racist bigot…

One called me closed minded

One said he was tired of “seeing all this crap” and would rather see funny stuff. Yet then posted the next day his anger and outrage over the police officers being killed. Still nothing on Alton Sterling or Philando Castile. Nothing..

One was outraged over the senseless killings of cops, but was somehow silent over the loss of 2 African-American males with families, with children, with friends and loved ones. The outrage over those losses was loudly silent. Hmm….

Others were just silent… 

Your silence is heard... 

I can’t help but wonder if it were me and I was gunned down by a police officer knowing the man I am, the character they say I stand for, the love they profess to show me,  would some of my friends be outraged and angry or would they look for ways to vilify me, say I deserved it, or just turn a deaf ear, and a blind eye.

Would I be the exception?

I am disappointed:

In our clergy that have also been silent. Not all have been but there have been a majority that has. Your congregations are hurting, your congregations are crying out, your congregations have lost sons and daughters, people are confused. Yet nothing…

Your silence is heard as well..

I am disappointed:

In myself for not taking action previously....I can do better for my people. I can get involved, I will get involved. 

I Am Scared...

I am scared that they police shootings in Dallas will set off a race war or a war between African-Americans and police officers. This will cause police officers to be further on edge and on guard against people who look like me. 

Therefore...

I am scared to have a cop get behind me for fear that he will pull me over and upon trying to get my license, registration, and insurance I will be come a hashtag 

I am scared that more people fit with anger and range will act out of vengeance and try to kill other police officers. 

I am scared that race relationships between blacks and whites even with some that I love so much could be strained...

I am scared that I will continue to be mistrustful of some that call me friend... 

 

We have to do better..

We can do better...

#BlackLivesMatter #AltonSterling #IPhilandoCastile

#ICouldBeAltonSterling 

#StayFiredUp