Bare With Me: I'm Grieving

Wednesday Morning November 9, 2016…

I thought I was dreaming. I thought I had woken up from a really bad nightmare. I was anxious, nervous and restless, that probably had something to do with the fact that I only had 1.5 hours of sleep. I was hoping against hope it was really a bad dream a nightmare. It had to be. Surely, I would wake up in the morning and it would of all been a Dallas TV finale like dream.

Donald Trump would be our 45^th President of The United States.

God help us… what happened here?  The last month had not indicated this. Hillary Clinton was leading and was expected to win the Presidency by a landslide. Then on election night, she first lost Ohio, then Florida, then Pennsylvania. Hillary lost the election.

This was no dream….

I literally could not get out of bed. I was sick to my stomach. I had never experienced this type of disparity before. I have lost loved ones, and that is the only thing I could equate this type of pain to. Losing a loved one. I was grieving. That is what it was. I was grieving. What was I grieving?

I was grieving the loss of basic human rights and progress. For all the gains minorities have made particularly African-American ones. I grieved. I thought back to November 8, 2008. I thought of the moment President Barack Obama was declared President and I remember crying tears of joy and feeling extreme hope and optimism. I cried openly and felt so much accomplishment. Someone thought looked like me could be President of the United States. To see The Obamas on that stage in Chicago. I was empowered. I thought of my Grandmother Christine and Grandfather Rev. C.H Littlejohn and was so glad that they were alive to see this moment to which for them, because they probably never would have thought they would have witnessed this in their lifetime. All have the pain and strife they experienced in relation to Jim Crow and the Civil Rights movement. 

Fast-forward to 8 years later, I was crying but not for the same reason. A man who ran his campaign on divisive, sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic garbage, threatened to undermine all of those accomplishments. I grieved for my grandparents and all the leaders of the civil rights movement because I feared all of the accomplishments and the legacy of our current President Barack Obama would be forever tarnished and destroyed by this man.

I grieved for my family, friends, and people I did not know who were now reporting that they were being harassed and bullied for being of ethnic background. Some (not all) of Donald Trump supporters who felt empowered because their champion, their new hero had won the election. They feel they no longer have to hide behind closed doors with their cowardice. They came out in the open and made threats. One woman said she was being harassed at a gas station and was told, “We won’t have to deal with you niggers much longer.” Then a gun was pulled out on her but they retreated since there were witnesses.

I grieved for the 22 million people that may now lose their healthcare coverage because Republicans want to keep their pockets fatter at the risk of so many humans who need a chance.

I grieved for my LGBTQ friends who were worried that their civil rights might also be in danger. Agree or disagree with their lifestyle, this is another group that were also facing harassment and hate filled attacks. As Christians, we are to have compassion at all times for all groups regardless of if we agree or disagree with their lifestyles.

I grieved for women everywhere (even the ones who voted for him) who were sent the message that a man who bragged about grabbing women inappropriately, who faces rape charges and countless lawsuits can do all that and still get elected to the highest office in the land. I also grieved or women everywhere who was also sent the message that you can be more qualified, more experienced, and still loses to a man with little or no experience.

I grieved for so many Americans who now felt discouraged, exhausted, torn down, and oppressed. Their fear and their worry are very valid. I grieved for the people who laughed at this fear and urged people to stop being so dramatic and quit being a sore loser, when it is actually so much more than that.

I grieved for the hypocrisy of this country. I grieved that the very ones who are calling for full support of President-Elect where the very ones who challenged President Obama on everything (questioning his citizenship, calling him a liar at State of the Union address, blocking his policies, refusing to call him President, putting a finger in his face, disrespecting his wife, children, on so many occasion). 

I grieved for the loss and change of friendships. Some friends I will never be able to look at the same. Not because of your vote or opinion, but because you heard Trump say those things, you heard Trump disrespect so many, you heard it all, yet you still voted for him, you were willing to overlook that, for what? For your religion? So you can get a better job? Cause of your fear of diversity? Because you are fearful of your toys (guns) being taken away?  I just can’t wrap my head around why for this situation. I supported people who voted for Dole, Bush, McCain, and Romney (the four elections I have been able to vote for) but this one will be hard, I just don’t know if I can look at some the same ever again. I am working on it.

I grieved for Christians. So many Christians voted for Trump despite the very vulgar things that he said about woman, the racist things he has said regarding Muslims, Mexicans, and African-Americans, they still voted for him  A man so opposite of what Christ stood for, was now a representative for some evangelicals. I grieved because those who have not yet come to Christ see this and now feel further separated from Christ.

I grieved for the many children who are fearful that their parents will be ripped away from them because they will be deported. One of my friend’s daughters even asked if Trump winning now means they will now go back to being slaves…

I grieve for those children who on Tuesday were sent the message that you can be a bully and win and not have any consequences.

Lastly, I grieved for myself and other African-American males for the fear of his man wanting to reinstitute Stop and Frisk, a policy that would immediately violate the civil rights of so many. Police mistrust is already an issue for me. The fear that I can be harassed legally and stopped for no reason (even without being in a car) scares me to death.

Some of you reading this may go, “Stop being so dramatic.” “Its not that serious.” “Get over it.” And what have you. I chose to respond as such. Until you know what it’s like to be harassed for the color if your skin (if you are white and say “I have been from black people, then you should be outraged and empathize then), or for what religion your practice, then please stay silent. Please hear what I say, please hear that so many our fearful. And that is real.

Four days letter, I am better. I am not 100% but my mind has been able to focus on other things, my appetite has come back, and I have been able to rest. I am encouraged by all the people banding together to show their displeasure in the results of the election. Understand, they (we) are frustrated and concerned. For the most part, the protest has been peaceful. Let people have this.  I pray that we can listen to each other (both sides) and come up with solutions. I pray the Trump supporters stop harassing ethnic groups. I pray people don’t attack Trump supporters. I am encouraged by all the people stepping up to assure immigrants that they are safe. I am encouraged by those who are showing compassion and love towards those who are dealing with the bullying and racism.

I pray for everyone who is reading this. Pray for this nation. But understand saying “Pray”, “God has it”, “God is control” should not be used as a passive way to let whatever happens happen. No , pray for your role in this. Pray for direction and guidance. Step up and get in your communities knowing that God has your back.

We will be OK. We will get through it. I am not rooting for Trump to fail, because we all fail.