#40NEVERELTSOGOOD: In The Last 40 Years I've Learned:

At 40 Years Old I have learned:

Keep some of your goals private. Over the years I have learned that you cannot share you dreams and visons with everyone. People will try to talk you out of your aspirations and visions because it does not always make sense to them.   Most of the goals that I work on now are kept under wraps and only when they are ready to come into fruition are they vocalized.

My inner circle is smaller. I have learned that everyone you encounter is not going to be your friend. Your friends are the ones who make the time and the effort and most importantly sacrifice. Friendships are relationships.

I Don’t Give Passes . Far too often in my family there have been behaviors that continue to get dismissed and made light of.  You cannot continue to exhibit behaviors that are negative and toxic to a family unit without it being unchecked. Often time their past gets them the pass, or fear of their reaction. Therefore the behavior continue because there is no accountability. For me, this cannot continue. Love means holding others responsible for their actions. We are all on this road to help each other grow. Continuing to excuse negative behaviors is not helpful or  healthy to the family unit.

Its OK to say No. For years and years I used to be the person that would yes to everything. Like if someone needed help moving, borrowing money, attending an event. I would say yes and then feel angry at myself because I knew I was tired or had another event that day. Now its so much easier to say no and not necessarily give a reason other than “I can’t make it. Sorry.” That is all that is needed most of the time. Now of course I am there for my people that I love and would give me the same in return but you have to say no sometimes.

Loyalty is everything.  Loyalty is key for me these days. I give my friends and family 100% most of the time. Supporting their efforts, attending their events. So its not unreasonable to ask the same of them. If the relationship (rather it be family or friends) is 90/20 then that is not loyalty and at that point I reevaluate that relationship.

Manhood is not one thing. Often times, paints manhood with one brushstroke. You must be an alpha male that sleeps with a lot of women, talk a certain way, broadcast your love life, and know any and everything about sports. If not, then you are gay, weird, repressed, etc.  Growing up that was a constant issue for me. I always sought out the approval of some of my cousins who I felt looked differently at me. Now I am very comfortable in my own skin and I know that I am a great man. And I do not need that validated by anyone.

My opinions are my opinions. At 40 years old, and all the sacrifices, and hard work that I have put in over the years, I have earned a seat at the table. I have to right to speak out against things I disagree with. I have earned the right to speak against the issues that affect me, my family, my friends, my community and those that cannot speak for themselves. I have some things to contribute to the conversation and will continue to do so.

Its OK to be single and not have kids. I love my freedom and the ability to come and go as I please. I can travel, go out, rest, relax and not have to check in with anyone. Now I am not saying that married people or people in relationships have these issues all the time, but some do. I love my life and kids are a relationship is not needed to be validated. So many people feel like there is a void if you don’t have kids or are not married. Kids are a huge blessing but they are not for everyone.  And lets face it some people have kids and get married for the wrong reasons. And I am also saying I am closing to door to anything but I don’t get up every morning thinking my life is de void of anything because of it.

Traveling is great: Over the past 2 years I have been traveling quite a bit domestically and it feels great. I am looking forward to doing more traveling this year and next.  I work hard, and I deserve to play hard.

I Am Awesome!: I am finally at a point in my life where I really love myself and like the guy that I see. I have not always been able to say that. But I have been through a lot, accomplished a lot. I am grateful to God for who he created and of course there is things that need to be improved.  I am grateful.

#40NEVERFELTSOGOOD