We Can't Win For Losing

Well ladies and gentlemen, another Academy Award season has come and gone thus officially ending Award Season for a while. Of course there was a lot of pomp and circumstance that came with the show and of course a lot of controversy. There is always a group of people that is unhappy with the results of the show and who won and who did not more importantly. There has been a lot said about the lack of African-American presence at this years Academy Award show. Of course this is a hot button community and I agree that there have been a lot of great African-American performances that have been overlooked. One that comes to mind is The Color Purple back in 1985 that received numerous nominations but did not win. Denzel Washington lost for playing Malcolm X to Al Pacino for Scent of A Woman and Angela Bassett for her spot on Tina Turner portrayal (considered to be front runner as she won the Golden Globe) lost to Holly Hunter for The Piano. There have been a lot of snubs for us, most recently David Oyelowo for Best Actor and Ava DuVernay for Best Director for the movie Selma. I certainly agree both deserved Oscar nominations. They definitely did.

Here is where my problem lies. Over the last few months I have seen a lot of shade being thrown at the performances that have won and at our current television shows that feature African-Americans in lead roles. Recently I saw a picture (picture to the left) that showed the few African-American women that have won Academy Awards and I have to admit I disagree with the message. Halle Berry was criticized for some said, “Playing a whore…” I must have seen a different version of Monster’s Ball because the version I saw Halle played a grieving mother who was acting out due to the loss of her son, and her baby’s father who died on death row. She had a graphic sex scene with Billy Bob Thorton and she was scrutinized well her performance rather because this was after all the first African-American woman to win and she had to take her clothes off that was the controversy. Denzel who won previously a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award for his role as a soldier in Glory finally won for his brilliant portrayal of Alonso, a rogue crooked cop in Training Day. The argument here was he was overlooked for Malcolm X, and The Hurricane but finally won for playing a thug. The point that people are missing is that Denzel played against type. Never had Denzel played a role like this. Denzel had played the hero, desperate father, leader, soldier, husband, and martyr but never had he played a villain and he played the hell out of the part. We hated Denzel after that because of his evilness. Why not award him with the Oscar? It was a great performance. Yes, he should’ve won for Malcolm but what was wrong with Training Day?

Similar arguments were said about Monique for playing the abusive, disturbed Mary in Precious. “She was an abusive mother!” that was the argument. “She was on welfare.” They continued. Again, I feel like the point was missed. Monique for one played against character. She was not known for playing dramatic roles, she was a comedienne. Her part was so stunning and haunting. Why are we critiquing this? Even Jamie Fox was recently insulted on a comment page earlier today for portraying music icon Ray Charles in Ray Fox was critiqued for playing a drug addicted, philandering, and difficult singer. Was that not Ray Charles? I do not understand. Jamie Fox nailed it as Ray Charles after many thought (due to his comedy background) he would not be able to pull it off. Whoopi Goldberg was even critiqued for winning Best Supporting Actress cause as the caption says she played a “Fake Psychic”in Ghost. Are you kidding me? What was degrading or negative about her performance? Without Goldberg’s performance, the movie would not have been as good. She carried that movie, hence her supporting actress win. It was the performance that won her that award.

We then complain about historic movies. We go, “I’m tired of us playing slaves.” “Not another civil rights movie….” Yet we are mad that Selma was snubbed out of several categories. Can we have it both ways? We complain about us playing maids and servants and supposed stereotypical roles but then we get Scandal, Empire, and How To Get Away With Murder shows not just with African-American women but African-American women in lead roles. All three shows are ratings powerhouses. All three actresses Kerry Washington, Viola Davis, and Taraji P. Henson play their parts with power, force, and complexity and at the same time vulnerability. They are powerful characters but they are flawed as well. Yet people are still not happy. We mad at Kerry cause she is having an affair with the white President. We mad at Viola because she is married to a white man and took her wig off, and we call Empire “coonery” (yes there was a critic who said that).

This to me is unfair. What exactly are we supposed to play? You don’t want to see slaves and maids or hookers or drug dealers yet we have these shows and you are still not happy. Of course the Cosby Show comparison comes out in which these shows are compared to them. Comparing these dramas to Cosby Show is comparing apples to oranges. Cosby was a sitcom not a drama. And while The Cosby Show remains one of my favorite shows; it’s not everyone’s reality. And since when is television supposed to be always about reality? Isn’t some entertainment supposed to be an escape? Are we as African-Americans not complex? Aren’t we flawed just like everyone else? Larry Hagman played the iconic yet ruthless J.R Ewing on Dallas for over 20 years. Heather Locklear played the powerful Amanda Woodard on Melrose Place who was flawed and made mistakes. Yet when we play these roles, its not good for our images? What??

It feels like we can’t win for loosing. Every role we play cannot be Sounder or The Cosby Show, A Different World or Raisin In The Sun. All this negative energy also takes away from the brilliant performances of our actors. We have a long way to go. I give you that. I agree with you that there a lot of images out there that portray us negatively. Have you seen reality television lately? We are critiquing these dramas but are somehow ok with Love & Hip Hop, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Flavor of Love, and countless reality shows that are actually reality (so they say). Those are real people. Yet we say nothing? We see our young men walk around with their pants sagging halfway around their ankles but we are angrier that Kerry Washington’s Olivia Pope is flawed? We are angry that Gabrielle Union in Being Mary Jane had an extra marital affair yet she is successful businesswoman? Something is wrong with this picture. At the end of the day Scandal and shows like it are about entertainment nothing else. Not every show is meant to change the world or have a message.

Do not get me wrong. I agree, there are a lot of things we need to improve on in our images on television and media but that does not mean we should be throwing shade at the ones out there who making things a little easier for those coming behind them. Hattie McDaniel played a maid but she was not a maid in real life. Had Hattie McDaniel not won, would the doors have been opened for others like say Dorothy Dandridge?

Let’s not get all bent out of shape on some of these entertainment shows. They are just that to entertain.

Operation Clean Sweep

Recently, I was in someone’s house for quick minute, and for a quick minute did I certainly stay. Staying any longer than that would have messed with my sanity, and my health… my appetite had already been affected. There was simply no excuse for the madness. What was the culprit you might ask? Quite simply it was a dirty, nasty disgusting house.

The house had not been cleaned in what looks like years. The house reeked of dirt, and the smell was lingering. The kitchen was an atrocious mess. The counters, the floor, the sinks that was about all I could take. I proffered some lame excuse and politely excused myself.

Folks, if you are self-conscious about your house for fear that someone will talk badly about it, you are truly correct People definitely will and I am one of them. Of course if I am close to you I will get at you and let you know before running up and down the streets crying “You nasty sun of a gun…!”

It amazes me though (and not in a good way) how people can lay around in their own filth. I guess people say that you get immune to it after a while and just do not notice but how can that be? IF I see one stain on my countertop or notice my trash needing emptied, my mind just won’t let me relax or rest until it’s taken care of. I thought everyone else had that same thinking. Obviously not.

There are a lot of things that make for a nasty house. If you are guilty, don’t call yourself out; just take care of it before anyone notices. ;-). These are the non-negotiable things that must be taken care of at hour house daily.

The Kitchen: This area is most the most important thing in your house or the most important area of your house. Odds are that when you invite people over to your house they will be eating or drinking. Eating is what connects people to fellowship. It’s a common tradition among many different cultures. Who would want to do that in a dirty nasty kitchen? Or say a friend invites you over to the house you’re excited for the invite until you get to the house and notice in the kitchen dishes stacked up the ceiling in cruddy, cloudy, choppy water, the kitchen floor has more stains and specks then clean spots, the counter tops match the floors, and the fridge is filled more with foods that look more like specimens on CSI or Criminal Minds then foods you see at the grocery store. You immediately start to cringe. You begin to itch; you begin to get a little sick and also nervous because you no at any moment you are going to get asked those dreaded words “You want something to eat?” You immediately proffer excuses such as “Oh I just ate!” “I’m on a diet.” “I’m fasting.” Whatever comes to your head, you spit out in hopes of that excuse being good enough.

The Living Room: You walk into the living room and notice and your horror increases because the carpets are filled with so many stains and crud you wonder if they household missed the memo about vacuums or is there some cultural or religious reason in which a vacuum is not being used. There has to be a reason. The even more hilarious thing is your host has the nerve to ask you to take your shoes off. You look at them like… ?
Now you are already coming up with excuses to make a quick exit if you can. You sit and just try to focus on something clean in the house like the window which points to the clear outside and the blue sky, it’s too bad you can’t just click your hills like Dorothy and get home. Naw you stuck like Chuck.

Then it happens…..

You begin to get that twinkle and glitch. You know what it is. You have to “use it”. You already know the kitchen was strike 1, the living room was strike 2, maybe just maybe the bathroom will be their saving grace. You hope. You proceed to ask where the bathroom is, and you begin to sweat. The Vincent Price rap from "Thriller" begins to creep into your head as you approach the door then you slowly turn the door and enter slowly. All of a sudden the end of "Thriller" pops into your head and hear that famous Vincent Price laugh. Strike 3.

More stains on the floor, the sink has hair, crusted toothpaste, and worst yet a bar of slimy, disgusting, and moving around bar soap on it. The bathtub has a ring around it so thick it would make Saturn jealous, but as Nettie on The Color Purple would say, “The worst is yet to be told..” you have not opened up the toilet yet. You have to go, you wonder if it would just be easier to pee your pants and say you had bladder leakage like Sheryl Underwood but you don’t want to play around like that so you just go ahead and open up that lid. You instantly regret it. The water smells of oldness and pee, the water stains have rusted the basin, and there is the lid is scratchy. You wonder when the last time some Lysol and Clorox have went down the basin and squished around for a little while. You squat or stand again hoping there is another window to look out of and like Olivia Pope in the last few episodes of Scandal you immediately begin to plan your escape route… but first you have to figure out how you are going to clean your hands because God knows you are not going to put your hands on that soap.

Somehow you make it out alive. You get home and you want to kiss your immaculate floor. You never look at your friend the same. You are ticked off, and bewitched and bewildered about how someone can be so cool but so nasty.

If you are reading this and this resonates with you, all I can say is CLEAN YOUR HOUSE but alas there will be excuses. There will be those pitiful, predictable lame excuses. Have you ever heard these? Have you ever used these?

1. I’m too busy. I have just had no time to clean.
2. I’m not much of a housekeeper.
3. I’m from the country, this is how we do.
4. When you’re a parent, you just do not have time to keep your house clean.
5. My bad back won’t allow me to get in those corners and clean.
6. I’m too tired.
7. The landlord should clean the house.
8. My kids won’t clean up after themselves.
9. I don’t notice.
10. I only clean once a month.

Have you ever heard these excuses? Have you ever given these excuses? STOP IT. Let me tell you when I get home, I’m exhausted and I just want to rest but I just cannot until my kitchen is clean because my mind will just fixate on it. When I cook, I wash the utensils before I eat, because my mind will fixate on the dirty dishes.

I should not have to say that not cleaning your house leads to all types of consequences. For one have you ever heard of bacteria? Do you know bacteria causes illness? Now there are people who like dirty houses, they love, love, love them. You know roaches, mice, rats, ants, and the occasional squirrel.IF you are in an apartment or duplex those creatures begin to venture into your neighbors house who actually cleans theirs. If you rent, and you keep your house like this, you are a property owner’s worse nightmare. When you do vacate, they are going to have to completely overhaul the mess with new carpets, a severe paint job, potentially new appliances, and exterminator jobs but you have the nerve to ask for your security deposit back?

There really is not an excuse for a nasty house. Your house is a blessing from God you should keep it clean. After all cleanliness is next to Godliness. There are way too many options out there if you can’t keep your house clean yourself, I suggest you look into them.

Plus it makes me ponder, if you are too lazy to wash your dishes, clean your sinks and counters, what else are you too lazy to clean…

Hmm….think about that for a minute....
What makes a dirty house in your eyes? Share some of your stories below...

Oh Me Oh My: Grammys 2015

Oh Me Oh My! Yes, that’s the name of a song made famous by The Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin but that is also the four words that sum up my thoughts around last nights Grammy Award telecast. There were so many things about this year’s telecast that made me have that moment. Now you all know how I do, I do my high points and low points, there is no need to deviate from that. So here goes.

High Points:

The ACDC Opening:
This is how you open a show. Given legends the chance to shine. It one introduces the group to a whole new audience and 2 it reminds us who love rock and roll and good music why we fell in love with the songs in the first place. ACDC rocked the house and got the crowd hyped up, everyone including Sir. Paul McCartney was up on their feet. It was a great way to start a show, and a great way to keep good music alive.

Sam Smith:
The Grammy’s started off the night right with not only the ACDC performance but starting right away with the “Best New Artist” award presented by legend in the making Taylor Swift. The award went to the very deserving Sam Smith who had a phenomenal year and reminded us all that there is still hope for the future of good music. Smith had stated in an earlier interview that of all the nominations he wanted to win in this category the most because you only can get nominated for this one once. Mission accomplished! Sam now joins the ranks of Mariah Carey, Natalie Cole, Alicia Keys, The Beatles, and John Legend. Sam was truly humbled to win this award and then he won 3 more. The greatest moment came when he thanked the public for accepting whom he really was and only when he was being himself did he find true success. Very inspiring. Smith’s ended the night with a very inspiring performance with another inspiring legend Mary J. Blige and their soulful heartfelt performance of “Stay With Me.” Sam Smith is proof that as quoted last night from LL Cool J. “Dreams don’t have deadlines” Truth indeed.

Miranda Lambert:
Not a huge fan of country music, but her performance was good. One thing about country that I like is that it has stayed true to form. Country music does not really create flash in the pans and you really do have to have talent in this particular genre to stay relevant. Her performance of "Little Red Wagon" was cool and I appreciated it, even though I am not a fan of country music, I appreciate the global impact that it has on our society.
Usher:
Ushers tribute performance of Grammy favorite and legend Stevie Wonder’s “If It’s Magic” from the groundbreaking Songs In The Key of Life album was a great way to pay respect to the legend. I was skeptical at first because Usher is more known for performing style of say a Michael Jackson so a tribute to King of Pop would be more fitting for Usher but somehow he pulled it off, bringing Stevie out at the end of it for the harmonica solo was a nice touch.

Annie Lennox/Hozier:
I had heard the song “Take Me To The Church” by Hozier a few times and never really paid attention to it. After doing a little research and listening to the lyrics is that I realized that the song is a frustration with the Catholic Church on its stance on homosexuality. Say what you want about the controversy (which I will not touch on this entry) but bringing out a legend like Annie Lennox was a smart move on his part. My focus was more on Lennox performing “I Put A Spell on You”. She most certainly did. Annie definitely has some soul prowess in the voice and I was up on my feet when she was singing. Congratulations Annie, you just reintroduced yourself to a new legion of fans.

Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett:
This is a rare feat. Lady Gaga is usually never on my high point lists at award shows. But she pleasantly surprised me with her performance with Tony Bennett. I was blown away not only by her vocal ability and her talent but her normal looking outfit. I have a new found respect for Lady G. She is a real artist who can actually cover multiple genres. However it also proves my point that you don’t have to do all of that weirdness in order to sell records, but alas that is her style I guess. Tony Bennett do you ever age man? You still slaying it after all these years, keep on keeping on.

Prince:
When Prince was up to present the “Album of the Year” award by the sheer roar of the audience and the standing ovation he got, it’s clear how much of a legend and inspiration this man is and how much people love good music and artistry, which he embodies. However it was his brilliant introduction that he gave before he presented the nominees. “Like books and black lives, albums still matter.” Brilliant! All three seem to be not given a lot merit these days and with that simple statement Prince summarized a lot of our thoughts and feelings.

Feel Some Type of Way: In Between Moments:

Madonna:
I always enjoy Madonna. To be in her mid 50’s she is still kicking point. Madonna of course laid the groundwork for other shock artist such as Rhianna, Brittney Spears, and of course Lady Gaga. The fact that she is still doing her thing is great. However I am not really sure of her performance last night. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. Something was off about it. I felt like she was trying too hard last night. For Madge, this not something she normally has to do. I think I was a bit confused by all she had going on stage. The guys shaped like cows or bulls, the being suspended in air at the end it just seemed a bit much. But then again that is Madonna.

Katy Perry:
The Domestic Violence thing just left me a little like “???” I appreciate the point of it and the message but it just seemed too contrived and out of place for The Grammy’s. I don’t feel like we need to always bring up politics and issues such as these at award shows. Entertainment is sometimes supposed to be a form of escapism for us. However, I applaud the message I just feel like it was not the right time. Katy Perry’s performance to me was also a bit confusing. My cousin Nailah said she looked like Superman’s mom form the original Superman II. LMBO!!!


Pharrell’s Happy
I understood what Pharell was trying to do bring light to TraVaughn Martin and Michael Brown and Eric Garner but I didn’t understand the connection to the song “Happy” which is supposed to make us feel just that. I am not sure what the exact message was. The outfit was strange even for Pharrell. Although I later realized that it was supposed to be an homage to the movie Grand Budapest Hotel movie but wasn’t the song originally from the movie Despicable Me? I was very confused. I was not sure if I wanted to buy Pharrell’s album or give him my luggage.

Low Points:

Warning: OK. Beyoncé or Beyhive fans… take a deep breath. Beyoncé is on the low point list. Breathe…relax it’s going to be okay. Beyoncé will be okay. Jay will be okay. We will all be okay… okay??

But before that….

SIA:
Who is she? Why won’t she show her face? Does anyone else think this is Lady Gaga’s alternate ego like David Bowie’s Iggy Stardust? She is doing too much. Please show your face.


Kanye West:
I can remember in 2005 I was bumping “All Falls Down…” “Slow Jams” “Through The Fire” like nobody’s business. I was on the Kanye bus. I was a fan. I loved the fact that this man was a game changer for hip-hop. Then “Gold Digger” came out and I was a super Kanye fan. I thought he was a little conceited complaining about not winning awards but I admired his honesty…then he did the Rolling Stone cover dressed like Jesus in which he compared himself to the savior. This fan was done.
Fast forward to last night…. My loathing for Kanye has reached a boiling point, his arrogance, his boldness, his diva attitude, and his need for attention. Forget Aretha, Mariah, Celine, and Barbara. If you want to know who the biggest diva of all time is its Kanye. We all the Kanye/Taylor debacle that happened a few years back, but Kanye attempted to do it again last night with Beck. Kanye sit your but down. You really thought you were entitled to interrupt Beck’s moment? Regardless weather or not you agree with the decision, sit down. Even if you meant it as a joke (which Kanye confirmed that it indeed was not), it still took away from Beck’s moment. Beyoncé’ and Jay-z DO NOT need you to fight their battles, and by the looks of Jay and Bey clearly they were embarrassed just like Beyoncé was when you put her out there at MTV. Then you say Beck should have given the award to Beyoncé in honor of true artistry? What kind of Shade was that to Beck? Beck is not an artist? Beck was a great part of my growing up with hits like “Loser”, “Where It’s At”, and “New Pollution”. Beck is an artist and furthermore who are you to determine what art is after that lackluster, head scratching, over exposed auto tuned, velour wearing sweat suit in 80-degree weather performance you dropped. Have several seats bro. Paging Dr. Phil, Paging Dr. Phil or Steve Harvey either one would tell you about yourself. Even the President of the United States thinks you are a jackass.

The Kanye/Rhianna/Paul McCartney thing…

First of all, no disrespect no shade to Sir. Paul McCartney a rock legend, pioneer. I have to give him gold stars for helping these overexposed pop singers out. First off Kanye probably thinks he is on the same level as Paul McCartney thinking he changed music like he did. Rhianna I still do not get how she is so popular. I’m not a fan. So you put them two together, you get a disaster. The whole performance was confusing and not at all inspiring.

Beyoncé Reliving Dream Girls:

So this is how the story goes…
If you have seen the movie Selma, you know that R&B singer Ledesi sings “Precious Lord Take My Hand” as Mahalia Jackson, (young folks you may want to Google her). Everyone knows that this song requires a certain amount of emotion, power, and feeling that only singers like Mahalia and Aretha Franklin can deliver. Ledesi does an amazing job filling those mighty big shoes. The song encompasses so many feelings. You’ve heard it at funerals, it’s the song that also helps to summarizes the emotions of the Civil Rights movement, hence the reason it was in the movie. So it only seemed natural that Ledesi would sing it at the Grammys as a introduction to John Legend and Common singing their song Glory from the same movie.

Enter Queen B….
Beyoncé’ decides that in honor of her father (who is still alive), and countless black men that she wants to sing the song instead of Ledesi. According to John Legend she asks the powers that be at the Grammys and according to Legend, “You don’t say no to Beyoncé.” Really? Now let me start off by saying that I love Beyoncé as an artist. She has really changed the game. She is a powerhouse, a cultural phenomenon all of that stuff but she had it dead wrong last night. It was Dreamgirls all over again. Countless fans of hers known as the “Beyhive” were saying that Beyoncé has “mass appeal” and that she would draw in more viewers than Ledesi would. Sound familiar? Remember in Dreamgirls when they decide that Deena (played in the movie by Beyoncé) would sing lead in lieu of the more soulful, more emotion filled Effie (played by Jennifer Hudson in which swept the award season with numerous acting accolades for her stellar performance). Beyoncé is a superstar she has won 20 Grammys, and has sold out arenas and broken records. This would have been a perfect opportunity for Beyoncé to let Ledesi shine and have this moment and introduce her the mainstream audience. This could’ve been, should’ve been Ledesi’s moment. Yeah I get it, The Grammy’s want/need a superstar to close the show. Bey still could have closed out the show. But why not put Ledesi before her? There were options. The Grammys and Beyoncé got it wrong last night. The performance also left something to be desired. She did not deliver the emotions as it did from her predecessors. It was a misfire on her part, she made a mistake it happens, but she was wrong. But hats off to Ledesi and to Beck for not throwing shade back as they were thrown.

All and all, surprisingly the Grammy’s was not as bad as I thought it would be in years past. There were some great performances. Having said that though, it’s not the same Grammy’s I watched in the 80s and 90s. They have eliminated several musical genres and reduced it pretty much to just a big concert instead of the award itself. They have cut a lot of categories and air several before the live telecast. It’s all about mass appeal. Back in the day the Grammy’s was about celebrating all genres on live television. Now we are just appealing to the fans of the mainstream artist. It’s now very political, very commercial.

Money truly does win out… smh.

Defending Mariah

So I was sitting here listening to "All I Want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey which is one of my top 10 all time Christmas Jams. I cannot help but think of the interesting performance that she gave in which her voice was not at its best. What makes me sad is the number of people celebrating that, making their jabs, and making such rude comments.
I heard people say "Here career is over!" "She is washed up." "She is a wreck.."
Really? "Washed up?" "Career over.." We somehow have forgot the fact that Mariah Carey is the best selling female artist of all time (surpassing Aretha, Madonna, Janet, and today's current Hero Diva Beyonce). Everyone seems to have conveniently left out the fact that she has more #1 hits then The Beatles and Elvis Presley. "Washed up" never looked so good.
If Mariah never sang another note, sold another album, or sold out an arena, her

legacy has already been cemented. She has a career that has spanned 25 years. She has done what she came to do, and I still feel like the has more to give. But if she does not give anymore she has already given the music world enough. If she decided to just sit back raise her kids, and marvel in all of her accomplishments, so be it.
To those haters who have made all of these comments, its safe to assume that you have been on top of your game every day at work? You have never had an off day, never been late, never gave a bad performance? Of course you have, the only difference is the whole world does not hear about it when you do. But imagine if they did. Imagine your whole office having a chat room about your sloppy sales numbers, or poor performance review. You would be fit to be tied.
Let's not forget Mariah is a talented songwriter and producer as well as being ranked in Rolling Stones 100 Greatest Singers of All Time. You can't take that away from her. We are so quick in this nation to celebrate someone's failures and forget their accomplishments. That is the sad part. We tare Mariah down but we celebrate Beiber? Iggy? You tube sensations? Reality stars? Kim K? Really? Really?
Let's also remember she is going through a divorce which would shake anyone. Its the holidays, what more of a painful reminder of an uproot in your family dynamic then the holidays? She probably thought she could handle it, then perhaps maybe the thoughts of her broken family overwhelmed her.
Keep on pushin Mariah, your legend status remains in tact at least to me.

Stop judging. Legendary artists deserve better.

It Needed To Be Said

I struggled to write something down for this one. What did I want to say, what could I say? My mind was all over the place. So i figured the best way to start was to approach those comments that stood out to me the most that I saw on social media, news sites, and heard people say. I know some will be mad at these words, or feel like I need to "let it go"..i also address that below.

Read on....


“Michael Brown and Eric Garner broke the law. They were not innocent. They were thugs that deserved to die. “


So with that same thinking, if this is what you are using for your justification, the next time a police officer pulls you over for speeding and he or she decide to beat you or worse then would your killing be justified. You live a perfect life? You have never: eaten grapes at the grocery store before paying; went over the speed limit, did not correct your bill when it came up incorrect? If so, that is breaking the law. You now deserve to die. That is basically what you are saying when it comes to these two men. All I can say to people that make such comments is God bless you. I pray you never find tragedy knocking at your door. That your son or daughters continue to live a perfect existence and never make any mistakes that could cost them their lives. I pray that if tragedy does befall you and your family that you don’t have to hear “They deserved death!” “They got what they deserved.” The sad thing for me is that a lot of people making these insensitive, cruel comments are parents. If you don’t care enough for these young men who had their whole lives ahead of them, at least put yourself in the place of the parents, spouses, or other loved ones who will have a very difficult Christmas this year without their son, husband, father, brother, grandson, uncle, cousin, friend. I pray that you never have to experience the pain of loss that The Browns, and The Garner Families are experiencing this holiday season.

“Its not about race. This is not a black issue.”

You may or may not be right. Considering the number of people protesting that represent various races, genders, socio-economic backgrounds it is a human rights issue. I will give you that. However when a several cases seem to affect our black men, as an African-American male, as an uncle to young men, mentor, educator, and friend to African-American, I am concerned. It seems to be happening to us more. So yes it is a human rights issue, yes it is a black issue, yes it is a white issue, Hispanic and so on.

“Slavery and Jim Crow happened so many years ago, we should just move on:”

Chris Rock said it best recently:
“But the thing is, we treat racism in this country like a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. ‘Oh that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people.’ We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You’ve got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it’s immune to and what breaks it down.”

“We don’t know the whole story: “

In the case of Eric Garner, this was on videotape. What “more of the story do you need?” The entire story unfolded before our eyes. The coroner ruled it a homicide, unjustifiable force. Please tell me what “more” you need.

“What about all the rioters and looters? What do you think of that?”

What about them? To me these are two separate issues. I cannot tell you how many people are using this as a way of justifying or saying that because of that, it solidifies the death of these young men. Do I condone the violence, the looting, people destroying their communities? Absolutely not, but understand its not just African-Americans looting, stealing or rioting….
When you bring up rioters and looters, what are you saying?

“Whites are discriminated against too.”

You are correct. As an African-American male I cannot understand your struggle as you cannot understand mine. However I pose a question. When you were discriminated against or know of someone who has, what did you do about it? Did you take it further, “Did you address the issue? It seems like the only time I hear this, is when issues like this come up. Are you saying this a way to: negate what is happening to us; justify what is happening to us; or just to say it for the sake of saying it. If you have been discriminated against you should’ve said something when it occurred. Discrimination and racism of ANY kind is not cool. It should be addressed on all levels. If you don’t stand up for yourself, you are not standing for anything.

“Blacks kill each other every day. Black on black crime.”

Again what does this have to do with the Mike Brown or Eric Garner? I have heard this from both sides. Yes, black on black crime is plaguing our communities but are using this argument as a way to justify what happened to these young men? That is a separate issue that also and should be addressed but in the grand scheme of this incident this is irrelevant and I am not sure why this is being brought up. Caucasians kill each other, as do Hispanics, as do other races. What does this mean for young men who are being killed by the police? If you can find a connection please let me know.

"Michael Brown threatened the cop. Darren Wilson feared for his life."

How much of a threat was an unarmed man? What sense does this make? Maybe Mr. Wilson did fear for his life, he could’ve shot Mr. Brown in the leg, in the arm, maced him, pepper spray, numerous ways of detaining this young man. But instead you shoot him 12 times? Something is wrong with the math here.

"Charles Barkley supports the Grand Jury Decision."

I am sorry I didn’t realize Sir Charles was the spokesperson for the entire African-American race. I missed that election where we appointed him “Chairman of All Things African-American.” Charles has a right to his opinion as we all do, but I have the right as we all do to disagree, and I certainly do disagree and if you think I am that shallow to change my point of view based off the opinion of a basketball player, you must not know me very well.

"Eric Garner Said 'I Can't Breathe.' If you can talk you can breathe.."

When Abigal Folger was being attacked by the Manson family, here last words were "You can stop now. I'm already dead." What that meant was she knew she was mortally wounded and that she was near death. When Eric Garner said, "I can't breathe.." he knew that he was near death, his airflow was decreasing and he was struggling for air. He was pleading for his life. He was hoping that by saying "I can't breathe.." the cops would have let up. This should be obvious to anyone who has 1/3 brain activity.

"There are other issues that need our attention too in our communities. Why don’t we focus on those?"

You are right. I agree. Perhaps these incidents will give way to discussion on how these issues connect? Yes there are other issues that we need to address, but we have to start somewhere. I could not think of a more crucial place to start then our young men and women being killed unjustifiably by people we pay to protect us.



"I am so tired of hearing about this. Can we just move on?"

Yes, I am tired of too. I am tired of seeing this on the news. I am tired of being pulled over for being in a neighborhood “that I have no business being in”. I am tired of seeing our young men being pulled over, harassed, beaten, degraded by people who are supposed to protect us. I am tired of being judged by past actions, by the actions of a few people, the close I wear, my socio-economic status, the neighborhood I live in. I am tired of hearing stories about people who you feel you can trust say things that completely blow your faith in them out of the water. I am tired of the lack of empathy or understanding. I am tired of the lack of respect. I am tired of: the self-absorbed natures, the judgmental spirit, and the refusal to be inconvenienced. I am tired of being judged based off the color of my skin, being referred to as “you people”, some women clutching their purses when I get on the elevator, the disrespect of our President, being followed in the store, and being stereotyped. Yes I am tired of hearing about it too, I am tired of seeing it and taking about it. Move on you say? I would love too as soon as you can find solutions to the issues I listed above. I am all ears if you have any ideas so we can as you say, “move on...” if you are tired of hearing about it, imagine living it? Imagine how tired we are.

How Dare You Disagree With Me??!!

“I disagree with that statement!” Or “What if we try this…” Uh oh!!

One of the greatest things about living in this great country of ours is Freedom of Speech as allotted to us by the Constitution of the United States. With that freedom gives us the right to our opinions, our say, our voice, and also the right to disagree. However sometimes it seems like some people have missed that memo.

Believe it or not, there are people out there who’s egos are so fragile and who are insecure with themselves, that when you disagree with them, their world is rocked to their core. Immediately they internalize the disagreement as a personal issue and assume the person disagreeing with them either does not like them, is a troublemaker, or both. It has never dawned on them that they could be wrong or the person disagreeing (most of the time respectfully) or has another suggestion is merely trying to provide other solutions or suggestions often times that may benefit or be helpful to the person with the fragile ego who had the original thought.
There have been a few work environments and organizations (that shall remain nameless) that I have dealt with this mentality all too often. In one particular environment if you asked questions or challenged an idea or project, you were called to the side, talked about, or put on a “troublemaker” list. “You are not being a team player! This is what you are often told. Pretty soon secret meetings begin to occur in which you are left out and not included because heaven forbid you disagree or have another suggestion. Only the people who “drink the Kool-Aid” so to speak are then included in decision making, asked to present at meetings, or used as the model or example to the other team members who are now considered “trouble”, “rebel rousers”, and “insubordinates”.
People with these fragile egos often time will call the people who disagree with them and ask why they disagreed or ask them if they are in or out with the system. Sometimes they call others and ask, “Does so and so not like me? What do they say about me?” In their minds, it’s too inconceivable that their idea was not the best or that simply somebody disagrees because they have another solution.
This could often take place in friendships or intimate relationships as well. We all have that one friend who has this desire to be right all the time often times at the expense of other people in the friend circle. They are constantly correcting you, putting others down, and often times its to mask their own insecurities and fears. When you disagree you are called “sensitive”, “in your feelings”, or “difficult”. When often times, its actually the other way around. You disagreeing or having a valid argument that you put in their orbit is too much for them to deal with. They are not used to being challenged or have someone disagree with him or her so as a result, the communication begins to decrease. Text messages stop being answered, calls stop, and follow ups not likely. All because their ego and pride cannot handle being challenged.
What these insecure people need to understand is that are multiple ways to accomplish things and that everyone in their circle whether it be their professional or personal ones have something to bring to the table. Think of it this way. I may take the 405 freeway to get to LAX, you may take the 105 freeway. You may think the 105 is quicker. Does it often matter as long as we get to the same destination? There are multiple ways to get to our destinations. Appreciate the different routes and methods people use in life to get their and that sometimes you may be provided with another route, what’s the harm in taking it?

Marinate on that…

CG2

YOU ARE EXHAUSTING!!

The other day when I got home, I flopped down on my couch exasperated and exhausted. Yes part of it was due to work and long work week, part was due to just fatigue as a results of months upon months of being on the go, but a major part of the exhaustion was due to weeks of dealing with people who are just exhausting and overwhelming to your spirit. Everyone knows who these people are, everyone except the guilty culprit that due to the fact they are too self-absorbed and too self involved to notice the effects that they have on people.

This my friends is what you call the exhausting, self-absorbed, entitled, overly dramatic person that for some reason you just cannot escape. They are at your workplace, in your family, in your circle of friends so inevitably you have to deal with him or her.

This person is so taxing that you just become exhausted and exasperated when you hear their name. Everything that comes out of their mouth just makes you want to scratch your head in bewilderment. You see the number come up on the caller ID and you begin to sigh because you know you are about to deal with an exhausting conversation with an exhausting person.

This could also be the person at work or other professional settings that when you see coming, you conveniently go the other way. You take the steps when they are at the elevator, or duck in a room if they approach (yes sometimes its that bad). Often times those people are so self-involved they do not even notice.

Look at the checklist below, if you can answer yes to these questions then you are dealing with an exhausting and exasperating person.


1. There is always a crisis in this person’s life. They call you only to discuss some issue that seems to happen at least three or four times a week.
2. The person takes advantage of your kindness. You do one favor for them, now each week they need you to do something else. Don’t you dare say no, cause they will get an attitude or throw a temper tantrum.
3. Is so self-absorbed that they ask you how you are doing (as a courtesy) but are not even listening when you tell them. They are waiting to interject back with their stuff. Often times they respond back to you with something about them. Example: “I’m am doing good man, I just won this award at work. Life is great.” Exasperating Friend: “ Can you do me a favor?” or “You won’t believe what happened to me today!” They did not even acknowledge your statement.
4. Only calls when a favor is needed. You see the number on the ID and you sigh because you know a huge favor is needed. They never call just to check in. There is always an agenda.
5. Needs constant validation from you. They need to be told all the time that they are ok, or be given praise or do or say things to get your reaction. They constantly need your attention, much like a small child who needs the attention of their parents.
6. Asks for advice, but always does the opposite.
7. Never available when you need them, but you better make sure you are available whenever they need you. In their minds, their life is more important than yours. Their schedules are always busier; their lives are always fuller and so on.



Does this sound familiar to you? We all have someone like this in our lives. It is not to say that you do not love this person, but their persona sometime can just be too much. Everything is always about them. It’s ok sometimes to take a break and to gain some perspective. The other thing that works is that you can check the person. If your friendship is real, then you can go to this person and voice your concerns. You may even have to go “Bro, you are exhausting!” Then elaborate. The fact that you made such a declarative statement will get the attention you need and you can use that to go in and be real. It may or may not work but at least you can say you were honest about it.

Best of luck with dealing with the exhausting and exasperating person, they are not always easy to escape.

You are not alone. I’m exhausted!!

CG2