WARNING: Warning, I am about to quote Billy Cosby (Doctor Heathcliff Huxtable).
So if that bothers you, I would advise you to, as Dennis Edward would say, “Don’t look any further.”
Not much from the 8th season of The Cosby Show stands out like previous seasons as the show kind if went past its prime days. But what I always remember is the speech that Bill Cosby’s alter ego the iconic Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable made to his daughter Vanessa and his future son in law Dabnis Brickey. The season opener episode deals with the after affects of Cliff and Clair Huxtable dealing with the shocking news of middle daughter Vanessa suddenly announcing she is engaged without the family ever meeting the guy and the second jolt is finding out that they have been engaged for six months. Clearly, The Huxtables were in shock. Dr. Huxtable proceeds to use to me at least one of the most profound monologues I have ever heard. Forgive the length but stay with me. You need to get the gist of the entire speech. Trust me…
o Cliff: You, uh, probably come from a very fine, fine family with great morals and whatnot, and our daughter, regardless of what she has done, comes from what we feel is a great family also. And, you'll just have to forgive us because we just don't like you.
Dabnis: I'm sorry...
Cliff: Well, no no no no, it's not for you to be sorry because, see, you are not to blame. See, if you want to blame anybody, blame Vanessa. What I'm trying to say is, I don't want you to leave this house saying that we don't like you because you are a maintenance man, or in charge of maintenance, or whatever. I mean, you could right now, sitting there, be a banker and we would not like you AT ALL.
(Dabnis and Vanessa look crestfallen)
Cliff: It's the way that...you have a favorite food?
Dabnis: Yes, sir, what you had here was fine. I especially enjoyed the fish sticks.
Cliff: No, forget the fish sticks. Do you have a favorite food, something you really LOVE?
Dabnis: Oh yeah, on occasion, I enjoy a nice, juicy steak.
Cliff: Steak! Steak, there you go! You got a steak. Just imagine you got a porterhouse and no white lines in it at all. Now, what would you like to go along with it?
Dabnis: Uh, some crispy potatoes!
Cliff: No problem! Now, you got mushrooms, you like your mushrooms.
Dabnis: Yes, sir.
Cliff: You can smell it, can't you? Smell the potatoes?
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: Smell the mushrooms!
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: Sauteed!
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: MMM, boy! Huh?
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: All right, now, I'm going to present it to you, right? I go over now...I don't get a plate, I take the garbage can lid, and I turn it upside down! After taking it off the garbage can, I take your steak, your potatoes, your sautéed mushrooms, and I give it to you! Not too appetizing, is it? It's in the presentation. THAT'S how she brought you over here, "on a garbage can lid"! (Taken from www.tv.com)
Marinate on that for a moment. Really let what Dr. Hutxtable said sink in. That speech has stayed with me for years. How many of you have presented yourselves on a garbage can lid? You have something really important to say, you are fired up, you are passionate but your delivery leaves something to be desired. How about you are really angry at a friend for something they did or did not do, and before you take the time to think about how you will address the situation, you let your anger get the best of you and fly off the handle like a madman and curse and say offensive things, now the person who has offended you is angry themselves and did not hear a word that you said. The content was lost because the delivery was awful.
You often see this at work with supervisors and other leaders or even in your professional organizations, people present themselves on a garbage can lid. They come off condescending, patronizing, or simply insulting. Their valid points have become invalidated because of the way they carried themselves. Maybe you have some great ideas to present at your meeting, but when someone else has an idea or critiques yours you shut them down, disregard, or do not listen. How in the world do you expect them to hear your point now? The sad part is your point maybe completely on point, but because you got in your own way, or presented yourself on a garbage can lid, your message was lost.
Loved ones can often be guilty of this as well. They may have some “constructive criticism” to offer but they come off as superior, or a know it all or judgmental. Who would want to listen to someone like that? I cannot tell you how many times I have tuned people out because of several garbage can lid factors. There points may have been valid, they may have been coming from a loving place but because of how it was delivered, it was lost in translation. You really should take your time and think about what you want to say before you say it.
Here is a checklist:
1. Confronting a friend or loved one in the heat of your anger without thinking.
2. Not speaking with confidence in front of a crowd. Looking down at the ground.
3. Using inappropriate language in a professional environment or speech.
4. Constantly creating drama on social media: Putting your personal business on blast day after day.
5. Yelling, belittling, or berating (at) a coworker or subordinate and claiming your validated to so because of your position or knowledge at work.
6. Getting defensive or taking it personal when someone challenges or questions your idea.
7. Speaking with too much arrogance or confidence during a presentation. Having an over exaggerated sense of self during the presentation.
8. Coming off holier than thou or judgmental in regards to your faith or witnessing. We have seen this a lot lately. There are people who are detesting certain sins but it is okay to commit others. Often times the people you are trying to witness too are aware of this, so they are not taking you seriously.
9. Using status, title or position to get your way or get others to see your view.
10. Constantly getting in people’s business or being nosey even when you are genuinely concerned.
11. Not being fully prepared for an interview: arriving late, speaking over interviewer, being defensive in your answers. You may be the best candidate ever and the best thing to happen to company but if you do any of those things it will not matter. You have already failed the interview, you have wasted your time and theirs. Even though they are interviewing you still (because that is the professional thing to do) in the interviewers mind, they have already crossed you off the list for not just this position but for future ones too.
Do you find yourself on this “garbage can” list? I am sure at some point, we have all found ourselves on this list. The key to remember is how you present yourself is super important. You do not want how your present yourself to mess up the public’s perception of you. It could make or break you on an interview for a job, an audition, friendships, and so much more.
Throw away that garbage can lid!
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