It Needed To Be Said

I struggled to write something down for this one. What did I want to say, what could I say? My mind was all over the place. So i figured the best way to start was to approach those comments that stood out to me the most that I saw on social media, news sites, and heard people say. I know some will be mad at these words, or feel like I need to "let it go"..i also address that below.

Read on....


“Michael Brown and Eric Garner broke the law. They were not innocent. They were thugs that deserved to die. “


So with that same thinking, if this is what you are using for your justification, the next time a police officer pulls you over for speeding and he or she decide to beat you or worse then would your killing be justified. You live a perfect life? You have never: eaten grapes at the grocery store before paying; went over the speed limit, did not correct your bill when it came up incorrect? If so, that is breaking the law. You now deserve to die. That is basically what you are saying when it comes to these two men. All I can say to people that make such comments is God bless you. I pray you never find tragedy knocking at your door. That your son or daughters continue to live a perfect existence and never make any mistakes that could cost them their lives. I pray that if tragedy does befall you and your family that you don’t have to hear “They deserved death!” “They got what they deserved.” The sad thing for me is that a lot of people making these insensitive, cruel comments are parents. If you don’t care enough for these young men who had their whole lives ahead of them, at least put yourself in the place of the parents, spouses, or other loved ones who will have a very difficult Christmas this year without their son, husband, father, brother, grandson, uncle, cousin, friend. I pray that you never have to experience the pain of loss that The Browns, and The Garner Families are experiencing this holiday season.

“Its not about race. This is not a black issue.”

You may or may not be right. Considering the number of people protesting that represent various races, genders, socio-economic backgrounds it is a human rights issue. I will give you that. However when a several cases seem to affect our black men, as an African-American male, as an uncle to young men, mentor, educator, and friend to African-American, I am concerned. It seems to be happening to us more. So yes it is a human rights issue, yes it is a black issue, yes it is a white issue, Hispanic and so on.

“Slavery and Jim Crow happened so many years ago, we should just move on:”

Chris Rock said it best recently:
“But the thing is, we treat racism in this country like a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. ‘Oh that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people.’ We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You’ve got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it’s immune to and what breaks it down.”

“We don’t know the whole story: “

In the case of Eric Garner, this was on videotape. What “more of the story do you need?” The entire story unfolded before our eyes. The coroner ruled it a homicide, unjustifiable force. Please tell me what “more” you need.

“What about all the rioters and looters? What do you think of that?”

What about them? To me these are two separate issues. I cannot tell you how many people are using this as a way of justifying or saying that because of that, it solidifies the death of these young men. Do I condone the violence, the looting, people destroying their communities? Absolutely not, but understand its not just African-Americans looting, stealing or rioting….
When you bring up rioters and looters, what are you saying?

“Whites are discriminated against too.”

You are correct. As an African-American male I cannot understand your struggle as you cannot understand mine. However I pose a question. When you were discriminated against or know of someone who has, what did you do about it? Did you take it further, “Did you address the issue? It seems like the only time I hear this, is when issues like this come up. Are you saying this a way to: negate what is happening to us; justify what is happening to us; or just to say it for the sake of saying it. If you have been discriminated against you should’ve said something when it occurred. Discrimination and racism of ANY kind is not cool. It should be addressed on all levels. If you don’t stand up for yourself, you are not standing for anything.

“Blacks kill each other every day. Black on black crime.”

Again what does this have to do with the Mike Brown or Eric Garner? I have heard this from both sides. Yes, black on black crime is plaguing our communities but are using this argument as a way to justify what happened to these young men? That is a separate issue that also and should be addressed but in the grand scheme of this incident this is irrelevant and I am not sure why this is being brought up. Caucasians kill each other, as do Hispanics, as do other races. What does this mean for young men who are being killed by the police? If you can find a connection please let me know.

"Michael Brown threatened the cop. Darren Wilson feared for his life."

How much of a threat was an unarmed man? What sense does this make? Maybe Mr. Wilson did fear for his life, he could’ve shot Mr. Brown in the leg, in the arm, maced him, pepper spray, numerous ways of detaining this young man. But instead you shoot him 12 times? Something is wrong with the math here.

"Charles Barkley supports the Grand Jury Decision."

I am sorry I didn’t realize Sir Charles was the spokesperson for the entire African-American race. I missed that election where we appointed him “Chairman of All Things African-American.” Charles has a right to his opinion as we all do, but I have the right as we all do to disagree, and I certainly do disagree and if you think I am that shallow to change my point of view based off the opinion of a basketball player, you must not know me very well.

"Eric Garner Said 'I Can't Breathe.' If you can talk you can breathe.."

When Abigal Folger was being attacked by the Manson family, here last words were "You can stop now. I'm already dead." What that meant was she knew she was mortally wounded and that she was near death. When Eric Garner said, "I can't breathe.." he knew that he was near death, his airflow was decreasing and he was struggling for air. He was pleading for his life. He was hoping that by saying "I can't breathe.." the cops would have let up. This should be obvious to anyone who has 1/3 brain activity.

"There are other issues that need our attention too in our communities. Why don’t we focus on those?"

You are right. I agree. Perhaps these incidents will give way to discussion on how these issues connect? Yes there are other issues that we need to address, but we have to start somewhere. I could not think of a more crucial place to start then our young men and women being killed unjustifiably by people we pay to protect us.



"I am so tired of hearing about this. Can we just move on?"

Yes, I am tired of too. I am tired of seeing this on the news. I am tired of being pulled over for being in a neighborhood “that I have no business being in”. I am tired of seeing our young men being pulled over, harassed, beaten, degraded by people who are supposed to protect us. I am tired of being judged by past actions, by the actions of a few people, the close I wear, my socio-economic status, the neighborhood I live in. I am tired of hearing stories about people who you feel you can trust say things that completely blow your faith in them out of the water. I am tired of the lack of empathy or understanding. I am tired of the lack of respect. I am tired of: the self-absorbed natures, the judgmental spirit, and the refusal to be inconvenienced. I am tired of being judged based off the color of my skin, being referred to as “you people”, some women clutching their purses when I get on the elevator, the disrespect of our President, being followed in the store, and being stereotyped. Yes I am tired of hearing about it too, I am tired of seeing it and taking about it. Move on you say? I would love too as soon as you can find solutions to the issues I listed above. I am all ears if you have any ideas so we can as you say, “move on...” if you are tired of hearing about it, imagine living it? Imagine how tired we are.

How Dare You Disagree With Me??!!

“I disagree with that statement!” Or “What if we try this…” Uh oh!!

One of the greatest things about living in this great country of ours is Freedom of Speech as allotted to us by the Constitution of the United States. With that freedom gives us the right to our opinions, our say, our voice, and also the right to disagree. However sometimes it seems like some people have missed that memo.

Believe it or not, there are people out there who’s egos are so fragile and who are insecure with themselves, that when you disagree with them, their world is rocked to their core. Immediately they internalize the disagreement as a personal issue and assume the person disagreeing with them either does not like them, is a troublemaker, or both. It has never dawned on them that they could be wrong or the person disagreeing (most of the time respectfully) or has another suggestion is merely trying to provide other solutions or suggestions often times that may benefit or be helpful to the person with the fragile ego who had the original thought.
There have been a few work environments and organizations (that shall remain nameless) that I have dealt with this mentality all too often. In one particular environment if you asked questions or challenged an idea or project, you were called to the side, talked about, or put on a “troublemaker” list. “You are not being a team player! This is what you are often told. Pretty soon secret meetings begin to occur in which you are left out and not included because heaven forbid you disagree or have another suggestion. Only the people who “drink the Kool-Aid” so to speak are then included in decision making, asked to present at meetings, or used as the model or example to the other team members who are now considered “trouble”, “rebel rousers”, and “insubordinates”.
People with these fragile egos often time will call the people who disagree with them and ask why they disagreed or ask them if they are in or out with the system. Sometimes they call others and ask, “Does so and so not like me? What do they say about me?” In their minds, it’s too inconceivable that their idea was not the best or that simply somebody disagrees because they have another solution.
This could often take place in friendships or intimate relationships as well. We all have that one friend who has this desire to be right all the time often times at the expense of other people in the friend circle. They are constantly correcting you, putting others down, and often times its to mask their own insecurities and fears. When you disagree you are called “sensitive”, “in your feelings”, or “difficult”. When often times, its actually the other way around. You disagreeing or having a valid argument that you put in their orbit is too much for them to deal with. They are not used to being challenged or have someone disagree with him or her so as a result, the communication begins to decrease. Text messages stop being answered, calls stop, and follow ups not likely. All because their ego and pride cannot handle being challenged.
What these insecure people need to understand is that are multiple ways to accomplish things and that everyone in their circle whether it be their professional or personal ones have something to bring to the table. Think of it this way. I may take the 405 freeway to get to LAX, you may take the 105 freeway. You may think the 105 is quicker. Does it often matter as long as we get to the same destination? There are multiple ways to get to our destinations. Appreciate the different routes and methods people use in life to get their and that sometimes you may be provided with another route, what’s the harm in taking it?

Marinate on that…

CG2

YOU ARE EXHAUSTING!!

The other day when I got home, I flopped down on my couch exasperated and exhausted. Yes part of it was due to work and long work week, part was due to just fatigue as a results of months upon months of being on the go, but a major part of the exhaustion was due to weeks of dealing with people who are just exhausting and overwhelming to your spirit. Everyone knows who these people are, everyone except the guilty culprit that due to the fact they are too self-absorbed and too self involved to notice the effects that they have on people.

This my friends is what you call the exhausting, self-absorbed, entitled, overly dramatic person that for some reason you just cannot escape. They are at your workplace, in your family, in your circle of friends so inevitably you have to deal with him or her.

This person is so taxing that you just become exhausted and exasperated when you hear their name. Everything that comes out of their mouth just makes you want to scratch your head in bewilderment. You see the number come up on the caller ID and you begin to sigh because you know you are about to deal with an exhausting conversation with an exhausting person.

This could also be the person at work or other professional settings that when you see coming, you conveniently go the other way. You take the steps when they are at the elevator, or duck in a room if they approach (yes sometimes its that bad). Often times those people are so self-involved they do not even notice.

Look at the checklist below, if you can answer yes to these questions then you are dealing with an exhausting and exasperating person.


1. There is always a crisis in this person’s life. They call you only to discuss some issue that seems to happen at least three or four times a week.
2. The person takes advantage of your kindness. You do one favor for them, now each week they need you to do something else. Don’t you dare say no, cause they will get an attitude or throw a temper tantrum.
3. Is so self-absorbed that they ask you how you are doing (as a courtesy) but are not even listening when you tell them. They are waiting to interject back with their stuff. Often times they respond back to you with something about them. Example: “I’m am doing good man, I just won this award at work. Life is great.” Exasperating Friend: “ Can you do me a favor?” or “You won’t believe what happened to me today!” They did not even acknowledge your statement.
4. Only calls when a favor is needed. You see the number on the ID and you sigh because you know a huge favor is needed. They never call just to check in. There is always an agenda.
5. Needs constant validation from you. They need to be told all the time that they are ok, or be given praise or do or say things to get your reaction. They constantly need your attention, much like a small child who needs the attention of their parents.
6. Asks for advice, but always does the opposite.
7. Never available when you need them, but you better make sure you are available whenever they need you. In their minds, their life is more important than yours. Their schedules are always busier; their lives are always fuller and so on.



Does this sound familiar to you? We all have someone like this in our lives. It is not to say that you do not love this person, but their persona sometime can just be too much. Everything is always about them. It’s ok sometimes to take a break and to gain some perspective. The other thing that works is that you can check the person. If your friendship is real, then you can go to this person and voice your concerns. You may even have to go “Bro, you are exhausting!” Then elaborate. The fact that you made such a declarative statement will get the attention you need and you can use that to go in and be real. It may or may not work but at least you can say you were honest about it.

Best of luck with dealing with the exhausting and exasperating person, they are not always easy to escape.

You are not alone. I’m exhausted!!

CG2

I Got An Answer For Ya!

A grievous mistake occurred the other day on my part. Fortunately, it was one I could correct very easily. It is a mistake I have I have made more than a few times in the past, but as I am getting older and a little wiser I am not making that mistake as much, that my friends is explaining your actions, decisions, and opinions to others. As you hit a certain age, and you have accomplished things, and you begin to add more and more to your successes and even your failures, you grow, you live and you learn. These things increase more with time, so does the need to explain yourself as well as the need to have people accept you.

I think back to when I was in high school. That was such a fun, complex, confusing, and conflicting time in my life. The need to have people accept and need me was overwhelming. I always wanted to fit in, and be accepted. So much so that at times, I would catch myself holding back on things, rolling over for others, and letting people take advantage. I was what you called “The nice guy.” Of course there is nothing wrong with being the nice guy. That is a reputation I hope to continue to hold on to as I continue to move in this life. However, what has changed with time as that now I do not hold back. I do not give in (as much), and I let my voice be heard. I think a lot of times when you are nice, people tend to take advantage of your kindness, and confuse your niceness and easygoing nature as passive or weak. I am neither, however some often confuse the behaviors.

Why now? Because I think I have earned the right to do so. When you have taken steps to better your life, when you accomplish the things that you have set out to do, you feel justified in the way you live your life. For me these past three years have increased my confidence levels, moved me from a place of repeated self-doubt and need for approval, to accepting and loving the person I am and no longer needing people to approve my decision. The need to justify myself to others had decreased. Am I at one hundred percent, no of course not, I do not think there is anybody who could ever be at that level but I now feel more comfortable in my own skin. I look in the mirror and like what I see. If others do not like it, that is there problem. The only person who I feel the need to explain to is the almighty creator God himself. In certain situations, you do need to explain to others of course. Your boss for being late, team members for missing a meeting, and so on. But that is the limit. I do not owe anyone explanations on things in my personal life or for the decisions I make especially if they are of no consequence to them.

It always amazes me when people expect explanations or when we feel obligated to explain something to someone. Most of the time, our own guilty convictions or inexplicable need to be accepted are the root cause, so we catch ourselves explaining away or apologizing for our opinions or feeling like trouble or uncomfortable when we do express ourselves. Why? Look at what we have been through. Look at what we have accomplished. With that, why feel uncomfortable.
Believe or not, there are some people who I feel in my heart do not like me (even though they don’t think I know). Even a year ago, that would bother me because I would ask myself, “Why?” “Do I need act a certain way?” “Maybe if I say this or say that…” Then I thought to myself one-day wait a minute? Who cares? There is nothing wrong with me. I am a good guy. I have lot of talents and God has blessed me. If God sees me with love and acceptance, why worry what others think? He created me and loves me. If others don’t that is there problem not mine.
Will it always be easy? Will I always be at 100%, again no. With growth, will come growing pains. Some people will not be ready for your growth, but in time either they will accept it or they will not. As I write this, I always think of my grandmother Christine, who had no problem expressing herself and did not give two cents about what anybody thought about her. She had a confidence like I had never seen before. She had a swag and a style all her own. She had no problem mincing words. She always would say… “I got an answer for ya!” and I loved that. As I continue to grow, get older and accomplish more. I hope I too can continue you to say…”You may not like me, or what I am doing, but I got an answer for you…!”

In love,

CG2

Letter To My Younger Self :

People Magazine recently celebrated their 40th Anniversary. As part of that celebration, they had celebrities write letters to their younger selves. I always wanted to write something like this and now finally getting around to doing it. While I am not a celebrity, I think the quote "If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now.." is very applicable here. But having said that there are no regrets. Everything is vessel to get you where you need to be in life.

Read on...


Dear 17 Year Old Chris:

Hey There,

This is an exciting and complex time for you right now. Your life is full of twist and turns and this is only the beginning. Brace yourself for these next 20 years.

Enjoy the ride and don’t rush it, you may think things will be easier for you when you get older and become an adult, and trust me you will love your independence but there is something about this time of your life that needs to be treasured. Believe me there will be plenty of times down the road when you will wish you were back here in this moment. Enjoy the ride and don’t speed it up.

You are dealing with a lot of people right now, you may be mistrusting of some of those around you right now, who claim to call you friend. Unfortunately, that does not change with time. What does change with time however is the ability to discern a little faster who those people are. Looking down the road, you are going to have some friendships that will dissolve over silly things but you will also gain some great friendships that will last a lifetime, they will add joy to your life and you will add joy to theirs, there will be NO QUESTION who those people are.

Family is everything to you and that will continue to be the case. Certain things will happen both good and bad, but hold close to the memories. You have a family like no other.

Right now, you are questioning your nice guy persona, you feel as If the old saying “Nice guys finish last.” Is true. I’m here to tell you they don’t. Keep being a nice guy; keep being a gentleman despite what others say about you. There will be great rewards for you. Also remember nice does not = pushover or weak. Don’t change that about yourself. People do honor and admire that about you. They may not always show it, but you will feel the love when you need it. Don't take things so personal, that will be a struggle for you. Don't internalize other people's moods, egos, and other baggage. Its often about something they are dealing with. As time passes, you will get better at it though.



God has you now and will continue to have you. Always look to him for strength. You will fall and get up, fall and get up. You may feel alone but the hand of God is always on you despite some of the things you will do. Always keep God first; there will be many rewards if you do.
You may not know it now, but each situation, day that you have lived up to this point is preparing you for your future career. You will have a few different careers and each will seem like that is the right fit. Know that a lot of things in your life will be for a season and then you move on. It’s all part of a bigger story in which you will enjoy your greatest success. Hang in there and don’t be discouraged when certain choices, certain paths do not work out even though it seems as if they should you are going where you need to go.


Lastly, don’t be afraid to dream, step out on faith, and listen to God. When he says, “move”. It will take you where you always wanted to go. Don’t get comfortable where you are because he has another area for you, your dreams will come true there. Your reality will include things right now that you are only dreaming of. Your destiny is being fulfilled. Your dreams are coming true.

Stay tuned… the best is yet to come

Sincerely,

Chris, Age 37.

Random Observations of Last Two Week

1. The line inside the bank was wrapped around the corner today. I guess people get paid on Mondays too. One lady was asking for a chair cause she did not want to stand up. Score one more for “Team Lazy”


2. Did I miss the part on the California Written Exam for Drivers License that said using your turn signals was optional? Have you ever been so lazy, that you couldn’t not put your hand up and turn on your signal to indicate a turn? Yeah, me neither.

3.

There are hundreds of conspiracy theories out there regarding the Ebola Virus. Everything from “The Government trying to kill us!” to “Jay-Z and Beyonce and the Iluminati is working to destroy us all…” If Jay and Bey truly were trying to kill everyone, who would buy their records and attend their concerts? Fear makes this worse people. Educate yourselves on what this is and is not. Fear and paranoia only adds to the chaos. God is STILL IN CONTROL.

4. Listening to The Heat is On by The Isley Brothers and The Songstress by Anita Baker on VINYL as I am writing this just makes me smile.

5. Save the drama for The Young & The Restless. Leave it off social media. Some of y'all are doing the most with your status updates.

6. I think shows like The Voice, America’s Got Talent, and The X Factor contribute to the “Flash In The Pan” era that we are dealing with in the music industry now. There is too much instant fame. Where is the staying power?

7. Actor Stephen Collins just proved that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Wow, color me shocked, saddened and disturbed. Not Pastor Camden from 7th Heaven. The hashtag for many is #childhoodruined

8. Super excited the Brach’s candy can now be found again at the grocery store. Can we say Royals and Fruit Slices?

9. Jimmy x’s 2 (Fallon and Kimmel) should do some type of merge event during Primetime. Hey it could happen.

10. George Clooney got married. I can now get a full night’s sleep. #sarcasmineffect

11. Viola Davis needs to prepare herself for awards season for How To Get Away With Murder. The cast of Scandal deserves some love too during award season. The fact that Jeff Perry (Cyrus), Bellamy Young (Mellie), and Katie Lowes (Quinn), Guillermo Diaz (Huck) have not even got nominations is beyond me. Shonda Rhimes is RUNNING Thursday night. Must See TV What?

12. This year is Saturday Night Live's (SNL) 40th anniversary. I am wondering when SNL will get out its creative slump. I still root for that show. Such a rich legacy. Where is the next Eddie Murphy? Will Ferrell, Chris Farley, Gilda Radner, Belushi? This is the longest slump I have seen.

13. You can make all the excuses in the world for Kanye, Yezus, or whoever he is calling himself this week, it still won’t be enough for me to get on the train because ultimately there is bound to be a train wreck.

14. There have been so many people that have lost loved ones this week. Tell the people in your life that you love them and that they matter. Rest in Paradise: Macarthur "Mac" Birzer, Rosalind Johnson Marshall, Cousin Richard Bruce II (Dickie),William Reynolds, and Michael Brenneman

15. As I am listening to All ‘N’ All (on vinyl) by Earth, Wind & Fire I wonder how we went from that to Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, and autotunes.

16. The Kool-Aid is always sweet…at first. Have a mind of your own in EVERY environment. Educate yourself on your surroundings. Don't always fall for the "okie doke"

17. Once again, please watch your use of hashtags. #threeto4limit

18. Self-absorbed people are too self-absorbed to even see this in my blog.

19. There are certain things I do not have to prove to ANYbody except for God.

20. Alfonso Riberio be prepared to win the DWTS crown. Thanks for bringing The Carlton back into our lives.Long live the 90s!

21. IT’S A GREAT TIME FOR KANSAS CITY!! KANSAS CITY ROYALS!! Can you believe it?? So proud of Kansas City!! Always home. #takethecrown

Give It Up, Turn It Loose.

“If they don’t want ya, you don’t need them…” – “Give It Up Turn It Lose”
-En Vogue

As I was sitting here listening to my music which I often do, I put the song “Give It Up Turn It Loose” by the 90s super group En Vogue and for some reason I was inspired to write. A light bulb went off in my head. While the song is told from the perspective of a girl dealing with a dead end relationship with a two-timing boyfriend, and her girlfriends telling her to move on, I thought of another scenario, toxic friendships, or friendships that simply are not going anywhere.

A few days ago, I found myself in my feelings because my feelings got hurt from somebody I thought truly was a friend. Because of the situation, it had me questioning a lot of my friendships and relationships and putting doubt into my head that was really down for me like they say they are, because as we all know not everyone who say they are in your corner, are truly in your corner.
Quiet as it’s kept, friendships are also relationships that require commitment on each person’s part. There are a lot of friends when push comes to shove are not there for you when you need them to be. When you need them, they are full of excuses, full of defensiveness, and then treat you as if you are the bad guy when you ask for a little bit of their time.
What I realized is that as I was taking inventory of people who I claim to be friends I had to do a mental “purge” or “delete” like on social media. I had to ask myself why I was tripping on this person who has done so little for me? Why was I allowing this energy to affect my day? Then what I came to realize is that there are a few friends that I have to delete. At the end of the day, I had to count my blessings and think of those friends that truly do mean the world to me and are there for me.
You have to give up relationships that bring you down, make you feel less than who you are, and make you question other relationships. The mind is a battlefield and often time negative people and negative energy can dance around in that battlefield making you crazy. As I was thinking about toxic friendships I had to devise a checklist. The checklist is simple.

Is this person truly your friend if (check all that apply):


______ 90 percent of the time, you are the one initiating communication with this other person. Never will you find this person checking in with you. Not even a simple text or phone call. Half the time you are lucky if you even get a call back or response from the text.
______ Your friend makes you out to be the heavy if you ask for some time to hang out. Throws out a laundry list of excuses at you.
______ Never supports or asks about your goals or what you are doing unless its gossip or mess.
______Throws shade at your achievements, goals/aspirations.
______Takes no interest in what you are doing, does not come to events in which you may be spotlighted (again comes up with a laundry list of excuses).
______Constantly insulting you and putting you down, but says, “that’s what friends do…” or “I’m joking...” (Note: there is a difference and teasing the ones you love and joking and full on insults…)
______Feels you are inferior if you are not at their level of life (example: they are married, you are single, or vice versa, you aren’t at on the same financial, social, and cultural status).
______Other people are comfortable going to him/her with mess, gossip, etc about you.
______When the “friend” does initiate communication, its because they need a favor, have a question. It’s never really to see how you are doing.
______Unwilling at all to be inconvenienced or make sacrifices for the sake of friendship. (I.e.: coming to your event or hanging out even though they are tired at times, eating at a restaurant they don’t like, etc).

Did you find yourself checking a majority of those boxes? I did. I put several so called friends up to test, and some failed miserably. They have since been moved to the “associate” pile. Now I will not waste so much energy and time worried about what that friendship means or where that relationship is going, because it’s going nowhere. I also used it for an accountability piece for me as well as sometimes I find myself guilty of the time and excuses issue. Life happens and well get busy, you sometimes lose touch with people, but it’s not a good excuse to just stay in that thinking. If it’s been a while, reach out to those friends who you claim mean so much to you, but if that friend has failed the test repeatedly, wish them well and move on.

“You’ll be fine, take this time to find peace of mind. Sooner or later bad feelings will die. You must be strong, don’t blame it all on love. In time good things will come…” (“Give It Up Turn It Loose” En Vogue)

It’s truly time to “Give It Up and Turn It Lose” purge, delete, and move on.