Sophisticated Lady (She's A Different Lady): Remembering Natalie Cole

I woke up on New Years Day and checked my phone as I always do. I was hoping it was one of those infamous social media hoaxes that have plagued many celebrities over the last few years..

“ Natalie Cole DEAD AT 65.”

Surely that could not be right. Natalie Cole, one of my favorite singers could not be gone. No, not Natalie Cole! I began to search the web. Often times, if it is a hoax there will be no other news but that one article and that is usually a tell tale sign that it is a hoax and all is well in the world.

But alas it was not. As soon as I typed in Natalie Cole the web blew up with reports of her death and the reality set in. The legendary singer was gone. Part of me knew before I typed in her name that it was true but I did not want it to be. I knew that Natalie Cole had been looking frail for almost three years and that something was amiss with her health. Then she had not posted anything on her website or her Twitter account since September which was odd for Cole as she often updated her website with tour updates. Then the news that she had to cancel all of her October through December shows, those were not good signs. Still I had just hoped that she was recovering from whatever “medical procedure” her reps said she was dealing with, and she would emerge healthier, stronger, and ready to step back on the stage.

But she was gone…

The first time I encountered Natalie Cole was in 1977 when I was still in my mother’s womb when

she and her girlfriends saw Ms. Cole in concert in Kansas City at Kemper Arena. Obviously, like the Parliament concert I could not remember anything but I guess you can say I was predisposed to that Natalie Cole sound. After that my first memories of Natalie Cole came in the 80s when she was making her comeback from years of drug abuse and she was in the “Jumpstart My Heart”, “Pink Cadillac”, “I Live For Your Love” phase. Then one day I heard the song “Inseparable” at a wedding and wondered who sang the song. I was about 11 years old. My dad told me it was Natalie Cole and I remember going “The Pink Cadillac Lady?”  "Inseparable" was so soulful and full of passion a far cry from "Pink Cadillac". I had to know what other songs she had as I was too young to remember them when they were out in the 70s. I then started hearing songs like “I’ve Got Love on My Mind”, “Our Love”, and the quintessential “I’m Catching Hell” on KPRS quiet storm and I was hooked on Natalie Cole. My Aunt Ruth had a copy of her Unpredictable album from 1977 and listened to it on my 33 record player over and over especially “I’m Catching Hell” and “I’ve Got Love on My Mind”.  I could not rectify in my mind that this was the same lady that was singing the 80s music which was much more pop.  While i liked her 80's stuff, I was like where was her Arethaesque music from the 70s?

Then of course you had the 90s Natalie, with the Unforgettable album and she became this

international sensation. While I always appreciated the jazz and standard Natalie Cole, I was a “You’re my morning star….shining brightly beside me” and “I’m Catching Hell” fan.I appreciate the success of what Unforgettable...With Love did for her career and the legions of new fans it bought her, but I felt that sometimes it eclipsed her R&B music. One could argue it made people go back and listen to her old stuff for those who had not heard of Natalie Cole.  Of course Natalie needed to do the jazz and make peace with her father's passing and his legacy and what she did with her father's music was incredible. The virtual duet she did with her father was phenomenal and ahead of its time, but I always felt like we needed more of the soulful Natalie as well, but as I got older I appreciated the fact that Natalie was a diverse, and talented lady. You could not put her in a box. Like Aretha Franklin, she could sing it all. Yet I still wished for Natalie to bring back her soulful roots and when I found out she was going to be appearing on Sinbad’s 70’s Jam back in 1996, I got my wish. I was in college and was looking forward to that performance all day. Natalie was going to be doing her 70’s jams. No "Unforgettable", no standards, that night I got the Natalie I missed, and from the reaction that Natalie’s fans were giving her, they missed that gritty soulful Natalie. She nailed it that night starting with "Mr. Melody" and ending with her signature closer “Our Love”. Natalie reigned supreme. She could do it all. But let's not forget Natalie was a superstar in her own right before the 90s. 

After that night, I began to get immersed in Natalie Cole, reading her  old magazine articles in Ebony and Jet. I watched her Behind The Music episode when it premiered back in 1999 on VH1 and really got to understand her and the talent that she has. The reasons behind her very publicized drug use and her victorious defeat against the drug demon. After watching that special, I was even a bigger fan. When I began to collect albums, I had to of course get all of the Natalie Cole classic period albums from 1975’s Inseparable to 1978’s Natalie Live! Of course I had her greatest hits CD but the albums are special. Natalie like Chaka Khan mastered the album cut mainly due to the songwriting team of Chuck Jackson and Marvin Yancy who wrote a majority of her hits but Cole wrote a few as well. Of course we all know the popular hits like "This Will Be", but what do you know about "La Costa", "Peaceful Living", "No Plans For The Future" and "Keeping A Light On"? You really get a deeper understanding of Natalie by listening to her entire albums. As I am writing this, I am listening to the Natalie Live! album and hearing her bring the house down on not just her classics but giving stunning renditions of The Beatles “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”, and Janice Joplin’s “Cry Baby”. Natalie was truly the jack-of-all-trades.  Whenever, I go to the beach, I often play "La Costa" one of my favorite songs and I always think of the Thankful (see below)  album that displayed an elegant painting of Natalie which looks like she is walking along the beach singing that very song.  "La Costa" is truly one of Natalie's best performances. It is a brilliant piece co-written by Cole herself.  I often wondered why she did not perform it more even when she was doing jazz and standards as the song would have fit perfectly. It is my second favorite Natalie song (ranking only behind "Inseparable"). 

"Picture yourself on the sea of a setting sun, the salty air and the taste of your lovers hair. Inside you want to fly. Ah yi yi yi yi yi yi."  "La Costa" - Natalie Cole 1977. 

Natalie Cole's Classic Period Albums 

As Natalie Cole was laid to rest today, and I saw the news cover her homegoing service. I was grateful that I could see just a little bit of it, but I also was a little frustrated because I feel that even in death, Natalie Cole’s musical accomplishments and media coverage of the legendary diva, was undersold and I felt that the legendary singer deserved better. Often times, when legendary divas are mentioned we hear the names Aretha, Gladys, Diana, Patti, Chaka, Whitney, Mariah, and Dionne. Often times, Natalie is left off that list. I have seen several Aretha, Patti, Diana and Gladys tributes at award shows over the years, but only one Natalie Cole tribute. I think that is purely unfair.  I mean Natalie slayed in the 70s’ and her musical contributions cannot be ignored. Just listening to this live album after Natalie ending the set with “Be Thankful” the audience is demanding more. Natalie certainly gave Aretha, the biggest diva a run for her money in the late 70s. 

In the short period of five years from 1975 to 1979 Natalie essentially became an overnight sensation. She was a game changer.  The only other soulful singers that had a meteoric rise to the top like that were the late Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey but that was twenty years AFTER Natalie Cole.  In just a period of five years, Natalie Cole: 

·      Won Best New Artist at the 1975 Grammy Awards and won Best R&B Female an award that had been won only by Aretha Franklin for the last 9 years. Natalie Cole (not Gladys, not Chaka, Patti, or Dionne) was able to accomplish that.  To beat Aretha Franklin, the "Queen of Soul" in your first nomination (No shade to Aretha) that is huge. And through that feat, Natalie remained humble. She never wanted to take the title or compete with Aretha Franklin. 

·      From 1975 to 78, Natalie scored five Number 1 R&B singles. The only other diva to do something close to that was Aretha and then Whitney Houston after her. Between 1975 and 1980, Natalie cranked out 6 Gold and 2 Platinum albums. 

Natalie Cole at 1978 American Music Awards (photo provided by Corbis)

·      In 1978, Natalie was one of the few African-American acts to have her network television special. Before Beyoncé, Before Rhianna, captivated audiences with their network specials, Natalie showed her crossover appeal, wowing a diverse audience with her hits “Inseparable”, and “I’ve Got Love on My Mind” as well as duets with Johnny Mathis, Earth, Wind & Fire, Stephen Bishop, and for one of the first times, singing a glowing tribute to her father Nat “King” Cole with Mona Lisa Smile that moved Natalie Cole to tears and brought down the house. The only other soul divas at the time that got offered specials were Diana Ross and Donna Summer. 

·      In 1979 Natalie Cole was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  This is significant because Natalie had only been in the business for only five years so that was unheard of. The eligibility rules from the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce are that a celebrity has to be in the industry for five years. However, it normally takes years and years after that for a celebrity to be awarded the star in some cases 30 years. Natalie did it in basically 4 ½ years. Also at the end of 1979, JET magazine named Marvin Gaye and Natalie the "Top Stars of Decade" on Jet's Soul Chart (see picture). That is huge. Natalie had been on the scene for only five short years and was given this honor over her fellow soul contemporaries such as Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross and even Michael Jackson? Natalie Cole was on top in 1979. 

Basically, Natalie Cole kicked ass! 

Yet the media coverage on Natalie Cole even in death has been lackluster to me. As I am seeing the news right now, David Bowie’s death has received massive news coverage and rightfully so but didn’t Natalie deserve the same?  She has paved the way for so many of today’s singers including Mary J. Blige, Ledesi, and Alicia Keys. Who has not been to a wedding and heard the song “Inseparable” or “Our Love as one of the selections?

But enough on that, Natalie in my eyes, you are a superstar. You became a star in your own right. You were not just “Nat King Cole’s daughter” as the media constantly calls you. You were the  singer, songwriter, diva, actress, mother, talented, and THE LEGENDARY Natalie Cole. You are (not were) one of the best.

Rest well Natalie, your music lives on.

As your song goes…” And we’ll have each other…Our Love”

Always a fan,

Chris Gilrath II 

Natalie’s Best: Gilrath’s Favorite Natalie Cole Songs

1.    Inseparable (Inseparable, 1975)

2.    La Costa (Thankful, 1977)

3.    I’ve Got Love on My Mind (Unpredictable, 1977)

4.    Our Love (Thankful, 1977)

5.    I’m Catching Hell [Living Here Alone] (Unpredictable, 1977)

6.    This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) (Inseparable, 1975)

7.    Keeping A Light On (Thankful, 1977)

8.    Sophisticated Lady (She’s A Different Lady) (Natalie, 1976)

9.    Good Morning Heartache (Natalie, 1976)

10. Mr. Melody (Natalie, 1976)

11.  Peaceful Living (Unpredictable, 1977)

12.  I Live For Your Love (Everlasting, 1988)

13.  Your Eyes (Unpredictable, 1977)

14.  Unforgettable (Unforgettable with Love, 1991)

15.  I Can’t Say No (Inseparable, 1975)

16.  Annie Mae (Thankful, 1977)

17.  Say You Love Me (Snowfall on the Sahara, 1999)

18.  Mona Lisa Smile (Unforgettable with Love, 1991)

19.  Miss You Like Crazy (Good To Be Back, 1989)

20.  Lovers (Live) (Natalie Live!, 1978)

Click below to see one of Natalie's best and my favorite Natalie Cole performances. 

Natalie Cole: Sinbad's Summer Soul Jam

Random Thoughts: Here W e Go Again

Well it has been a crazy few weeks filled with idiotic statements, historic events, and just random stuff. I thought I would capture it all with another segment that I like to call Random Thoughts... 

Enjoy... 

Random Thoughts

1.    If Ben Carson is already feeling some type of way about the media scrutiny and the

Is the pressure too much Dr. Carson?

skepticism of some of his biography and some of the things he has said, how in the world is he going to be if he is elected as President, the most stressful job in the entire world? You not only have to deal with the public who voted for you, but your cabinet, your senate, your congress, even MORE media scrutiny and let’s not mention all of the jabs, jokes and satire from Seth Meyers, Steven Colbert, and other comedians. To be President, you got to have that rhinoceros type skin and right now his skin is as soft as coca butter laced with olive oil.

2.    In addition he said he has never seen a candidate scrutinized like he has been. Have you met President Obama Dr. Carson?

3.    Donald Trump is basically the Kim Kardashian of the political world. Just says whatever to keep his name out there.  He like Carson cannot handle criticism. Referring to his critics as “losers”, “idiots”, and he lacks humbleness. Do we really want him representing the United States to other countries. Think about that…

4.    There are so many other issues going on the world right now such as police brutality, the California drought, educational dilemmas, I can hardly worry about a red Starbuck’s cup not

being Christmassy enough. I mean put your tree up, go to the mall and move on. If you are basing your holiday cheer on a cup of coffee, how much cheer did you have to begin with?

5.    To me there is nothing wrong with already being in holiday mode. People say, “Let’s celebrate Thanksgiving first.” But what prep do you really do for Thanksgiving except for on Thanksgiving or the day before if you cook.  I do not see malls decorated with turkeys, cornucopias, and pilgrims. Thanksgiving is a great holiday that I really love but it really is a day of type of holiday whereas Christmas season can include Thanksgiving up to New Year’s. If you don’t want to be in holiday mood so soon that is fine, but do not Scrooge someone else’s buzz.  The holiday season is a one full of happiness and cheer. What is wrong with wanting to get started with that early? It’s really not too early.

6.    Why is Jennifer Lopez doing a television show on NBC? A cop show at that.

7.    I hope when I watch Empire tomorrow, we can go without Jamal having to sing in that high pitch voice every five minutes. I keep expecting Julie Andrews or Hugh Jackmon to come around the corner and sing a duet. While we are at it, Terrance Howard needs not rap either. Way too many musical breaks.

8.    Where or where is Angela Bassett? I really feel like she should guest star alongside Viola

Davis on HTGAWM. She could play Annalise’s sister looking at wanting to know who shot her sis and get revenge until her sis gets better. Oh the drama.  While we are at it, where is Kimberly Elise?  Can you imagine Viola and Angela together on screen? It definitely would be powerful.

9.    I just saw a woman at the grocery store in her pajamas and rollers. All I need to say.

10. Listening to The Crusaders right now as I am writing reminds me of the safety, peace, and security of being at my Grandmother’s house when I was a child and even as an adult. I still miss her terribly.

11. Enough with the UFO stuff. It was a missile.  These conspiracy theories…

12. People be throwing that low-key passive aggressive shade under the guise of “I was just joking.” Or “Can’t you learn to take a joke..” When we all know you were not joking.

13.  People crack me up when they say “No shade..” but then they totally shade you. Like saying “No shade” excuses you from the completely insulting thing that you just said. “No shade but that shirt is ugly.. “

14.

Loomis Simmons: Wife School Teacher

 I saw an advertisement the other day for “Wife School: Learn How To Get A Husband.” The class is $299.00 No words… except for this. I guarantee that class is going to be full. No shade.. J I bet it will be ran by someone who looks like Loomis Simmons (David Allan Grier character on In Living Color).

15. My best friend said that at the school he teaches at out of  his 130 students, zero parents showed up for Parent Teacher Conferences. Yet these will be the same parents who raise hell at the end of the year when his/her child is failing or will not be graduating. We have got to do better.

16.  Just saw an advertisement for this year’s American Music Awards. I remember a time when I used to get crazy excited for that show. That was about 20 years ago. Now I look at it and just yawn.

17.  Very random but one famous person that I would love to go have a beer with is Seth Meyers. He is hilarious. I definitely would be laughing the whole time especially on his political stuff.

18.  Its been almost two weeks without Raven-Symone saying something stupidly offensive or ridiculous. Don’t worry, she knows that I am sure she will say something this week. Maybe something like “Black people should start picking cotton again.” Or  “I think Donald Trump is a great civil rights leader..” Wait for it… it won’t be long.

19.  God always looks out for me. His grace and mercy is always there even in spite of myself.

20.  The Kansas City Royals are the 2015 World Series Champions. The best in the world.

#ForeverRoyal #Crowned

Let all that sink in…

Be blessed.

Dear Ms. Grahn

Dear Ms. Grahan:

I want to first start off by saying that I think you are a talented actress.  On your show General Hospital, you give great performances.  While I do not watch the show on a regular basis, I have seen a lot of buzz and a lot of critical acclaim for the character you portray, Alexis. I have also seen more than a few episodes in which you are featured and I think you are a great talent.

I am sure as a veteran of daytime television and being in the industry for the number of years you have been and I believe you tweeted 40 years, you know the struggles that people in the entertainment industry face, particularly women. I am sure you have had doors closed, been denied opportunities, and been passed over for roles that you have felt you should have gotten
Imagine that same situation only magnified by 75% for women of color and minorities in general.
From what I have read about you, you are an advocate for human rights, and for dignity for all Americans. So I was taken back quite a bit by your comments against Ms. Viola Davis, who became the first African-American female to win Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series at this year's Emmy Awards. 

Because I do not know you personally, I do not want to call you a racist nor do I think you are a racist at this point. But however, as an African-American male, I was offended by what seemed to be you downplaying the cultural and historical impact of Viola winning the Emmy. She is the first African-American woman to ever win in this category. Do you understand how and why this is a big deal? Do you understand that we celebrate Viola Davis and this accomplishment? In your tweets that you have now taken down, you said that Davis is in “the elite of television performers” and has “never been discriminated against”. To make such a bold statement would indicate that you are a close personal friend of hers and that you are with her everyday. Is this accurate? This would be the only way you could ever know that Ms. Davis has not been discriminated against.

Elite of TV performers? Do you know that Viola Davis just recently became a success meaning that up until about eight years ago after Viola Davis was an actress trying to make a name for herself after about 35 years of acting professionally? Did you know that Viola Davis struggled growing up with child hunger? She had esteem issues, and fought and fought racism and being told that she was not good enough? Did you know that recently that in the press, a reporter called Viola “not classically beautiful” an insult at best. This is "elite"? I call it talent that is finally getting its reward. I call it fighting and persevering through many odds and people telling you, “You will never make it. You are too black” "You do not look like a super model."  I call it hard work paying off. I call it being rewarded by God for stepping out on faith. If this is “elite” then I long to be “elite” too.

You feel as if all women are belittled? You mention equality for all women. This is the equivalent to when people post “Black Lives Matter” then someone comes back with “All Lives Matter” as way to diminish the other statement. Because all lives matter, black lives matter. And so therefore because you want equality for all women, why not celebrate this proud moment for women? A women of color won the award for the first time, definitely something to be celebrated for all women as it’s breaking down one more barrier. Just as you applauded Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech at the Academy Awards last year in which she talked about equal pay for women, why would you not do the same for Viola Davis? 


Racism is real and it something that continues to oppress our communities. We are seeing more and more stories everyday that remind us that the fight for equality is far from over.  We have to continue to speak on it and not accept it. Believe you me, we would love to stop talking about racism and making things a "race issue". We as African-Americans would love the day where everyone was equal and we could just talk about one mankind. You would need to talk to the people that continue to use their positions to oppress people who  are different from them, people who believe they are superior to other races, and people who continue to believe that racism died in the 60s. Those are the people you need to direct your frustration to.

So therefore when something comes along that gives minorities some hope and a sense of pride, can you understand why we hold that so near and dear to our hearts? Can you understand why we are offended by the statements you made? Why is it that when we as a people speak out or celebrate, someone of another color wants to bring up another cause or find a way to downplay our struggles and accomplishments? Why at that moment did you choose to use this platform to tear down Viola Davis speech? Do you understand that because of Viola Davis an African-American girl in a classroom with natural hair, full lips, and dark skin can now feel proud to be who she is? She can look at her future and if she wants to be an actress, or a model, a doctor, or whatever she aspires to she has inspiration? She knows it is now possible. Can you understand? Can you understand now that a young woman of ANY color does not have to be a reality star, have sex on camera, and act foolish to be famous or be infamous to get her name out there, but hone in on her craft and that in itself will be rewarded and hard work will pay off.  The picture below may help to understand the implications of Viola Davis's win.

I appreciate your apology, however if you stand by your words you should own it not back peddle or back track because it got hot in the kitchen. Yes freedom of speech is what makes this country great, and you have the right to your say, but then people have a right to disagree and give feedback.   Understand that how you use that voice, how you use your words is what could cost you. It is never a good thing for someone to tear down someone’s accomplishments to get their point across. I know this was not your intent but this was how it was perceived. I am sorry that you feel heartbroken over the backlash you are receiving right now. I do feel some of the comments directed at you were not necessary or not tweeted in the best way and that is not cool, but can you understand the anger and frustration that so many feel at your comments?

I sincerely this has been an eye-opening experience for you. I hope this has brought forth sincere reflection.

Be blessed,


Chris Gilrath
Proud African-American

Social Media Intervention 2015

Well the time has come again! It is time to do another social media intervention. It is much needed. This primarily pertains to Facebook as it allows for the most sharing and posting. I have to speak on it, do not get mad because I am saying what you are afraid to say. Here goes...



1. The Haters Post: There is always that one person who stay saying that they have haters and people hating on them mainly because they trying to make this money. Example" "Theze bytches be hating on me. I gotz no time 4 them. I'm about making this money." (Insert picture of person holding up a wad of cash). First of all, who is hating on you exactly? The only people that can say they have haters while they are out there making that money are people like Bill Gates, Oprah, Tyler Perry, Jay Z, Donald Trump, and so on. But the big difference is people like Bill Gates and Oprah have no need to brag about their money because they do not have too. Who exactly is hating on your income tax check that you just cashed or your $200 check? I am happy you have some money, but if someone is "hating' on you for that, they must not have a whole lot.

2. The Challenge My Faith Post: Over the last year when I scroll through my Newsfeed, I will see a picture of Jesus and a picture of Satan with the caption: "Love Jesus click like and Share." Love Satan. Keep Scrolling." STOP IT!! My faith and salvation is not contingent on a social media status or clicking a button. That is so ridiculous. Who comes up with this stuff? There are others out there like this one, but this is the one that I am seeing most often.

3. The Money Blessing Post : Along with #2 above, there is another post that says something like "Share this post and you will be blessed. God will bring an abundance of wealth into your home." Really? What bible are you reading? I did not realize God was genie. For any of those people that have shared or liked these post, have you quit your job yet from all that $$$ that magically came out of nowhere or did you go into work as if nothing happened?

4. The Constant Turn Up Post: Now do not get me wrong, I love a good turn up. I have a few drinks with friends and will occasionally post that with discretion. However, every post will not be about that. If every post you have is about how drunk you are getting and how proud you are of that, you might have a problem. I am just saying.

5. The Shameless Begging: This is the post from somebody that is saying how much they need a man or a woman and talking about how much they want to be married. Okay, that is fine but are you thinking someone is going to reply back to you and say, "Yes I want the same. Let's get married!" That requires action.

6. I Want A Response/Fishing Post: This is the post that is clearly wanting to elicit some type of response from your friends, followers, and so on. This is saying something like "I am so angry right now.." "If only I had.." "Sick of this shit.." Of course you are wanting someone to respond back with "What is wrong?" Be direct. Tell us what you mean.

7. The Maya Angelou Post: This is the post in which the person tries to be so deep and so complex it comes off totally confusing. First off the post is like five paragraph essay. What are you talking about? Why are you trying to be so deep? This is a social media page, not a poetry slam. Keep your status updates brief. That is what blogs are for. We are all guilty of it from time to time but some people are just too much.

8. I Love Weed Post. Okay, we get it. Smoking weed makes you happy. But if every post is a picture of you rolling it up or it laid on the table. You might have problem.

9. Hashtag Overkill Post: A hashtag is meant to summarize your point. However, there a few people that continue to miss the point of what a hashtag is. Here is an example of an appropriate use of hashtags. "Going out tonight with my friends to this club. Much needed after this week." #turnup #party #goodfriends." See all of those hashtags compliment that status update. Or if you post a picture of you and your friends out and about and you used those three hashtags, everyone would know what the picture is about. Now unfortunately, there are some that still have not quite grasped the concept of what hashtags are. Here is an example. "I am at this store buying groceries for the week for my kids." #Fashion #Turndownforwhat #Drive #Love" What do any of those have to do with your status? We are confused. Also your status update should only have 3-5 hashtags per status update and you should only do it sporadically. Not every post.

10. The Why Do We Care Post : This is the one where you show your child blowing his or her nose and snot coming out. The picture of your child on the toilet or making a mess in the house. While I understand that you are happy about your children and you love them very much. We really do not need to know everything that they do. Keep in mind that one day your kids will be teenagers and adults and they are not going to appreciate this public humiliation. I am so glad social media was not around during my childhood. For me it was instant Poloroids and photo albums. Several that have been lost and are packed away in boxes. These kids today do not stand a chance. Also if every post is about how much you love your significant other, I have to wonder who are you really trying to convince. When is the last time you actually told the person instead of posting it on social media? Ijs..

11. The Who is The Parent Post: Pictures of you turning up with your kids are not cute. Smoking weed with your child? Getting drunk with your child? Dressing ratchet with your child? Then you have the audacity to say "I wish people would stop judging me!" Now I like a good drink with my parents, I have been way past the age of consent but there are limits. They are after all my parents.

12. The No Fact Check Post: Be careful when you share a news story or someone's status update. There are a lot of satirical websites out there who are good at fooling people A few are the The Onion, TMZLive.com, and dailycurrant just to name a few. If you have a large following this decreases your credibility. I have made the mistake before. If the story looks really unbelievable and dumb, verify it first. Snopes.com is a great source for debunking these.

13. I Eat Healthy and Want to Prove It Post: You are on a diet and this awesome. We support your wanting to live a healthier lifestyle. However, there is too much of a good thing even when it comes to dieting. We really do not see every healthy meal you are eating, or every time you work out in the gym. While there is room for improvement for all of us in this area, your preachy way of coming down on people for not eating right is not going to help. Again, kudos for the change and we support you. But there are limits just like everything else. Have some variety in your social media.

14. The Parental Advisory Explicit Status Update: When I scroll through my News feed, sometimes I will see a status that is so vulgar, so disgusting, I cringe. The sad part of it is that fact that is not a teenager but an adult over 21 posting an update full of curse words, or posting a picture that is nasty, distasteful, and offensive. At some point, I need you to grow up. We all love good jokes and humor but some people take it too far.

15. The OK That is Too Personal Post: For all of us there should be a level of mystery about us. There should be somethings that are kept under lock and key. Family drama, squabbles among friends, relationship woes just to name a few. Yet every now and then people will engage in a social media war where they will go back and forth on their pages. Some tag people who they have beef with. This is cowardly and much like the note writing we did back in middle school and junior high. If you have an issue with someone, address it with them directly not on your page. Also posting about your relationship going sour in some ways is a turn off to potential mates. Use discretion. It is okay to talk in generalities but when you start calling people out on social media, you are asking for trouble. Also we do not need to know you "you just took a shit that was so good." or "I have been throwing up all night." This is too much information. We do not need all the visuals...


Sorry if this offends some, but if it offends then well maybe you know it is the truth low key. Keep in mind potential employers go to your social media pages to a get a glimpse of the person they are interested in hiring. If your page if full of obscene language, drama, nasty pictures, misspelled words, drug use, and excessive alcohol, this will turn off employers. How you do your social media page will give them a glimpse of who will be working in their office. Nobody wants to have a drama starting, drunk, high, overly sensitive, attention-seeking unprofessional worker in their midst. Sad part is you will not even know they are doing this. You could be the best employee this side of heaven but if your social media contradicts that, you are screwed. Also you could also be scaring off potential mates as well. I know when I meet someone I go to their social media. If is filled with all the stuff from above, I exit stage left.

Take this in love folks, until next time.

CG2

The Kardashian In Your Life

So everyday that we turn on the news and look on the Internet we are flooded with The Kardashians, Real Housewives of Wherever, Survivor, and whoever else popular culture inflicts on us for the time being. We get annoyed; we throw shade yet we still watch (well some of us) we cannot help it. It is like a train wreck or a car accident that we have seen a thousand times but yet we cannot help but glance. This is what we call the Kardashians and reality stars. While we get annoyed, they are entertaining to some. But if we really think about it, in our personal lives, every one of us has a Kardashian in our day-to-day life and perhaps even in our inner circle, in our families, in our workplace, and our professional organization whatever the case may be, we all know a Kardashian. We shake our heads at them, we laugh, we get annoyed, but at the end of the day we cannot help but watch.

So how to do you know if you have a Kardashian in your life? The criteria are really simple if you think about it.

The Kardashian Personality is broken down into several types.

The Drama Queen/King: the person whose whole life is nothing but drama, nothing but self-loathing, self-indulgence. Their social media reads like some type of personal diary. Nothing is off limits. They think their social media is a personal confessional. Either they are posting pictures of doing drugs, turning up, always thinking they got haters, they are combative, defensive and aggressive. Their page is filled with so much obscene language, misspelled words, and incoherent mumbo jumbo, but everyday you find yourself going to the page just to see what the story will be. It is definite entertainment no matter how ratchet it is. They are posting for a reaction. They “wish a muthafucka would” say something to do them. As soon as someone does, “they got a hater.” On the flip of that you have the introspective social media person that wants to post a 3-5 paragraph essay on their life (clearly something meant for a blog) it is also misspelled and incoherent but at the same time entertaining. If the person does not have social media the words they speak mirror all of what you would see on social media.

Example: "I be'z having so many haters. That is OK because I shakez theze bytches off like dayundruff OK? Iz mean I'm a do what I do. And you's best bes believin. I am bout making this money."

And in case you were wondering, I made that one up myself. But you can find several status updates on social media that mirror this one. First of all, who is hating? Why are we hating? And what money are you making? Only someone like Bill Gates, Oprah, Tyler Perry, and even Donald Trump can brag about making money in the midst of being hated on. I'm just saying...

Who is hating on you cause you got your income tax refund or just cashed your paycheck?

Straight entertainment.


The Self-Absorbed: This is the type of person that is so into their own world they have know idea how ridiculous they are. They dress weird for attention. They post videos that make no sense, their status updates make no sense, they call themselves by names given to high officials, and when they are talking to you, but are not listening to a word you are saying. They live their lives everyday like a camera is in front of them. The sad part of it is they are so delusional they really have no idea as to what is going on around them or even when they are being made fun of.
Example:

Shade Thrower: “Bro that suit you have on looks like an optical illusion.”
Recipient: Oh you are saying I look like an illusion. Yeah man I have been known to mystify people..!” Thanks!

At first you think maybe they are just playing along but then sadly you realize that they are really thinking you are giving them a compliment. They are so stuck in their own reality that they do not even realize that you are throwing shade. All you can do is shake your head. This is a train wreck personality. They are so stuck in their own world they do not even get it. Like some reality stars, they will do anything for attention. Any attention is good attention. If they mismatch dress, post some incoherent crap, or post some weird video it is to elicit a response and a reaction. Just like the Kardashian this person may have a number of followers on social media. However, their delusion lets them think that it is because they feel the world needs his/her greatness, but in reality for a lot of the people following them it is for entertainment.
This person really does not have a lot of friends, because they are too self-absorbed to really be a good friend to anyone. In their minds, you are in their world. They are the star, you are just a supporting cast member. In reality that person is the only on in the show, and that is it.


The Crazy Drunk/High Person: This is the person that has some tendencies as the drama person. When they get drunk or high their personality is on level 10. They dance, they sing, they go crazy. You have to usher them out the club, make sure they get in the car but all the while you have that camera phone taping because tomorrow it is going to be great entertainment.

So while these reality stars can be very annoying and are famous for being famous, in reality we all know someone similar that could have his/her own reality show. There are numerous personality traits and characteristics that fit the bill. Sadly, they are entertaining but in small doses. Sometimes it gets to be too much, but then when we need it, we tune back in.

So who is the Kardashian in your life?

On A Garbage Can Lid: How You Present Yourself

WARNING: Warning, I am about to quote Billy Cosby (Doctor Heathcliff Huxtable).
So if that bothers you, I would advise you to, as Dennis Edward would say, “Don’t look any further.”


Not much from the 8th season of The Cosby Show stands out like previous seasons as the show kind if went past its prime days. But what I always remember is the speech that Bill Cosby’s alter ego the iconic Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable made to his daughter Vanessa and his future son in law Dabnis Brickey. The season opener episode deals with the after affects of Cliff and Clair Huxtable dealing with the shocking news of middle daughter Vanessa suddenly announcing she is engaged without the family ever meeting the guy and the second jolt is finding out that they have been engaged for six months. Clearly, The Huxtables were in shock. Dr. Huxtable proceeds to use to me at least one of the most profound monologues I have ever heard. Forgive the length but stay with me. You need to get the gist of the entire speech. Trust me…
o Cliff: You, uh, probably come from a very fine, fine family with great morals and whatnot, and our daughter, regardless of what she has done, comes from what we feel is a great family also. And, you'll just have to forgive us because we just don't like you.
Dabnis: I'm sorry...
Cliff: Well, no no no no, it's not for you to be sorry because, see, you are not to blame. See, if you want to blame anybody, blame Vanessa. What I'm trying to say is, I don't want you to leave this house saying that we don't like you because you are a maintenance man, or in charge of maintenance, or whatever. I mean, you could right now, sitting there, be a banker and we would not like you AT ALL.
(Dabnis and Vanessa look crestfallen)
Cliff: It's the way that...you have a favorite food?
Dabnis: Yes, sir, what you had here was fine. I especially enjoyed the fish sticks.
Cliff: No, forget the fish sticks. Do you have a favorite food, something you really LOVE?
Dabnis: Oh yeah, on occasion, I enjoy a nice, juicy steak.
Cliff: Steak! Steak, there you go! You got a steak. Just imagine you got a porterhouse and no white lines in it at all. Now, what would you like to go along with it?
Dabnis: Uh, some crispy potatoes!
Cliff: No problem! Now, you got mushrooms, you like your mushrooms.
Dabnis: Yes, sir.
Cliff: You can smell it, can't you? Smell the potatoes?
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: Smell the mushrooms!
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: Sauteed!
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: MMM, boy! Huh?
Dabnis: Yes, sir!
Cliff: All right, now, I'm going to present it to you, right? I go over now...I don't get a plate, I take the garbage can lid, and I turn it upside down! After taking it off the garbage can, I take your steak, your potatoes, your sautéed mushrooms, and I give it to you! Not too appetizing, is it? It's in the presentation. THAT'S how she brought you over here, "on a garbage can lid"! (Taken from www.tv.com)

Marinate on that for a moment. Really let what Dr. Hutxtable said sink in. That speech has stayed with me for years. How many of you have presented yourselves on a garbage can lid? You have something really important to say, you are fired up, you are passionate but your delivery leaves something to be desired. How about you are really angry at a friend for something they did or did not do, and before you take the time to think about how you will address the situation, you let your anger get the best of you and fly off the handle like a madman and curse and say offensive things, now the person who has offended you is angry themselves and did not hear a word that you said. The content was lost because the delivery was awful.
You often see this at work with supervisors and other leaders or even in your professional organizations, people present themselves on a garbage can lid. They come off condescending, patronizing, or simply insulting. Their valid points have become invalidated because of the way they carried themselves. Maybe you have some great ideas to present at your meeting, but when someone else has an idea or critiques yours you shut them down, disregard, or do not listen. How in the world do you expect them to hear your point now? The sad part is your point maybe completely on point, but because you got in your own way, or presented yourself on a garbage can lid, your message was lost.
Loved ones can often be guilty of this as well. They may have some “constructive criticism” to offer but they come off as superior, or a know it all or judgmental. Who would want to listen to someone like that? I cannot tell you how many times I have tuned people out because of several garbage can lid factors. There points may have been valid, they may have been coming from a loving place but because of how it was delivered, it was lost in translation. You really should take your time and think about what you want to say before you say it.

Here is a checklist:
1. Confronting a friend or loved one in the heat of your anger without thinking.
2. Not speaking with confidence in front of a crowd. Looking down at the ground.
3. Using inappropriate language in a professional environment or speech.
4. Constantly creating drama on social media: Putting your personal business on blast day after day.
5. Yelling, belittling, or berating (at) a coworker or subordinate and claiming your validated to so because of your position or knowledge at work.
6. Getting defensive or taking it personal when someone challenges or questions your idea.
7. Speaking with too much arrogance or confidence during a presentation. Having an over exaggerated sense of self during the presentation.
8. Coming off holier than thou or judgmental in regards to your faith or witnessing. We have seen this a lot lately. There are people who are detesting certain sins but it is okay to commit others. Often times the people you are trying to witness too are aware of this, so they are not taking you seriously.
9. Using status, title or position to get your way or get others to see your view.
10. Constantly getting in people’s business or being nosey even when you are genuinely concerned.
11. Not being fully prepared for an interview: arriving late, speaking over interviewer, being defensive in your answers. You may be the best candidate ever and the best thing to happen to company but if you do any of those things it will not matter. You have already failed the interview, you have wasted your time and theirs. Even though they are interviewing you still (because that is the professional thing to do) in the interviewers mind, they have already crossed you off the list for not just this position but for future ones too.


Do you find yourself on this “garbage can” list? I am sure at some point, we have all found ourselves on this list. The key to remember is how you present yourself is super important. You do not want how your present yourself to mess up the public’s perception of you. It could make or break you on an interview for a job, an audition, friendships, and so much more.
Throw away that garbage can lid!

I Do Not Have Time

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. – unknown..

I ready this a few months back and it really struck a cord with me. The last few weeks have been very reflective for me. I have been dealing with some behaviors and treatment from people that I am really just no longer going to accept. Hopefully it inspires you to write your own.

I no longer have the patience for:
People who are rude and inconsiderate to others and boast about it. Bullies especially adult ones. There is really no reason to be a bully. I have talked about this at length.
People who act differently when they get around certain people. This is beyond annoying. I should not and will not tolerate someone acting differently for other reasons This has been something that has been eye opening indeed. I like to think I treat all my friends when the are around as if they are of equal meaning in my life. If I am not, I want to hear about it.
If I have angered you in some type of way or have offended you the best way to deal with it is to address it with me. I do not respond well to you giving me the silent treatment, rolling your eyes, or having someone come to me on your behalf. I have been out of high school for a long time. I have zero patience for people who want others to chose sides in arguments therefore putting people in the middle. This type of behavior is typical of teenagers but not adults. Please grow up. If we are friends, you need to come to me and talk about what is on your mind. Simply not talking or refusing to be accessible because you are in your feelings is not going to get you anywhere.
As friends and family members, we should make time for each other. I have grown weary of the excuses. Saying I am busy to people who supposedly mean a lot to you at some point becomes an excuse that no longer holds water. I get it, I do it. I am holding myself accountable too. So many loved ones are passing on, so many things happen. We have to make the time.
I am at a point where I purging friends and changing people from friends to acquaintances. Friendship is two-fold. Communication involves both parties. At 38 I am becoming more picky about those who I call friend and those who I let in my inner circle. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I am learning to accept that. What I do not accept are people who continue to pretend that that they are my friends when they are not. It should not take you two weeks to respond back to a text message, unless you are in a coma.
We are too old for that.
I no longer wish to associate with people who smile in my face then berate me when I turn away. If you do not like me, do not fake it. You are wasting my time and wasting yours.
I do not have patience for people who do not see the issue of racism and injustice are still very much alive and very much of an issue in today’s society. If you do not understand what the issues are, then you are part of the problem. If you are tired of hearing about race relations, injustice and tolerance, I question if you are one who condones the issues that continue to oppress people of color.
At almost 38 years old, I no longer feel the need to justify, explain, or apologize for the choices in my personal life. That includes where I live, who I hang out with, and anything else that does not directly affect you.
You have no right to feel superior because of your social status, your marital status and family dynamic. Life happens and in any given moment, something can happen to change that status. Never feel you are above or beyond anyone.
Family is everything to me and always will be. However, it does not justify behaviors that are not appropriate and immature and being family does not give anyone a right to hurt others in the family nor does it mean I cannot address the situation or cut you off if it continues. Love does not equal inner circle.

I do not have time for people who continue to play the victim or use their personal situations to justify their negative behaviors. Your situation should not define you. Yet you continue to allow it to do so.
II do not have tolerance for people who have no sense of humor and refuse to laugh and are always in serious mode. Laughter is awesome. Having said that though,
people who use jokes as a way to be mean-spirited is not funny or cute. Yes you tease the ones you love but there is a line. Saying things in the form of a joke to really get your point across is cowardly. There is truth in jest.
Wrong is wrong. It bugs me when we don’t hold the ones nearest to us accountable.
I do not have time for people who live in a Fool’s Paradise, thinking if you have material possessions, have a wife or husband, or in a relationship, your problems are solved. Looking for others to complete you when you cannot complete yourself is asking for trouble.
Arrogant people are ridiculous. Enough said.
Self-absorbed people are beyond annoying as well. At this point I really do not have time for you at this point. Continue to live in your own little world, leave me out of it.
I do not have patience for people who discourage others from pursuing their dreams. Just because you were too afraid to step out and because you have grown complacent, does not give you the right to step on others who are bold enough to try.
Do not confuse my kindness for weakness. I refuse to apologize for being a nice person. The fact that being nice is not favorable is disturbing to me. Nice guys finish last only to those who are use to being treated badly.
People who suffer from entitlement should exit stage left. Nobody owes you anything.