“So about me…so back to me!”
This is the response or action you get from someone who is so stuck on themselves, you can have a whole phone conversation with them and they have no idea as to what you are talking about. They have the “its all about me” mantra that live by so arrogantly that they interject themselves into every aspect of your life. Sound familiar yet?
A narcissistic person is someone who suffers from an excessive love or admiration of him or herself. It can also be a vain or self-centered person. For example I think of Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls or Ragine Hunter and Kyle Barker from Living Single. Remember how they made every small problem MAJOR? I remember a particular episode of Golden Girls when Blanche went to a class reunion and came back all depressed because she felt all her classmates were prettier than her. Ragine on Living Single broke up with a boyfriend because on his night to shine at an art exhibit, he was not paying any attention to her. Kyle was so offended by his drivers license picture that he went down to the DMV three times for his picture to retaken. This is vanity at its best. Sometimes I would cringe when an episode focused on these characters because I knew how dramatic the entire episode would be and how whiney these characters would get (even though I loved these shows and characters). But art does imitate life. How many of you see those characters and go “Oh that is (insert your friend or relative here).
This is an illness if you ask me. I know quite a few people who suffer from it. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and in different types of people. We live in a world where it is all about me, and nobody else.
Have you ever met someone who is so narcissistic that they begin to get really, really bold? Meaning that because they are so stuck on themselves they feel they have a right to interject their opinions and beliefs into your business? They feel justified because they have “wisdom” or their accomplishments give them credibility to tell you how you should live your life. I can recall talking to someone and telling them about all the good things that have been happening to me, and this person did not even give a response. They began to talk about something else. What I was talking about was not even worth their time. Yet, when I begun to talk about something of interest to this person, they were attentive and alert then, because it was gossip or talk of money or power. Do you all know someone like this?
A narcissistic person will call people and tell them what they need to do or act as if they are doing you a favor by talking to you and you should feel honored that they are gracing you with their attention. How sad. It is even gotten to a point that people do not even check in with each other because they are too busy doing them or being them that they cannot be bothered.
You see this more with people of status or people with a little money. They begin to believe their own hype. They hype themselves up to be more than who they are. Whether a person is comparing him or herself to some higher power or authority figure, or having pictures upon pictures on walls with them and them alone, there are dozens of examples of this. They come around you and drop all types of hints to get you to begin talking about him or her. They begin talking about all their accomplishments or say or do some random thing to elicit a response from you. It just goes on and on.
I call these types of people necessarily narcissistic because they feel like they have to be this way to get attention. If it is not all about them, then it’s over. Whether they are creating drama for everyone else or trying to be the center of the drama there is always something going on these people’s lives that command everyone’s attention.
Necessarily Narcissistic Behaviors:
1. A person who refers to him/herself as idyllic figure or person
2. Always describes him or herself as “beautiful” or “sexy” and gets mad or sad if you do not refer to them as that.
3. EVERY problem is a MAJOR PROBLEM no matter how small.
4. Their time is more important than yours.
5. Demands that you give your undivided attention.
6. Interjects him/herself in other people’s business because they feel you need their wisdom.
7. Displays consistent weird or negative behavior just to get attention or for a reaction.
8. Gets angry or defensive when other people’s opinions differ from theirs.
9. Constantly using big word or phrases to appear to be the smartest person in the room.
10. Uses his/her intelligence as a way to hurt or lash out at people.
11. Throws a tantrum if you do not give in to his/her wishes.
12. Talks about EVERYBODY when their lives are a mess.
13. Has self-portraits or large photos of him/herself all over their home.
14. Wants everyone to refer to them as #1 (I.E “sexy”, “queen”, “buff”, “the greatness”) some will not even answer you if you do not.
15. Expects you to drop everything and listen to them or help them, even when you have something going on in your life.
If you know someone who meets all of these characteristics, than you are dealing with a necessarily narcissistic person. Maybe you have a husband or a wife boyfriend or girlfriend who never bends or compromises it is always about them, their feelings, and their needs. You should just understand.
It is time out for this immature behavior. Life cannot always be about you, you, and you. Leave some scraps for others. You do not always have to shine or dim somebody’s light so that your light can shine brighter. It is time for us to begin to support each other more. It takes a truly confident person to celebrate someone else’s achievements while celebrating his or her own.
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