Funk Festival 2013

Funk Festival 2013. Let's do this!!

I was there for the original concert although I was in my mamma's belly. I guess that is where I got my love of 70s funk and soul music. I heard the concert was epic and everyone that I knew came near and far to attend the Funk Festival at Arrowhead Stadium (home to Kansas City Chiefs). It was a virtual who's who in funk music including Bootsy, The Brothers Johnson, The Isley Brothers, Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, Average White Band, and of course Parliament Funkadellic. My parents told me how everyone waited until almost 2 in the morning for The Mothership to land. What a good time to be had by all. My mom said that she could feel me moving around in her belly and really enjoying the music, I guess that is where I get it from. I remember sitting around in the summer enjoying the story every time my parents, aunties, and uncles would tell it. All of my aunts were there, and even a few of my great aunts. That is what this music does, it unites the different generations. Can you say that about some of today's music?

We lost a lot of legends in 2012. I think it is time for a lot of these bands to reunite and put together a FUNK concert to the likes we have never seen and may never see again. It is time to give us hardcore music fans something we have been longing for: Funk Festival 2013. It could happen, it needs to happen. It would be great. This would be me lineup. I hope some of them are reading:

Earth, Wind & Fire (including Maurice White)
The Isley Brothers
Rufus featuring Chaka Khan
Bootsy
P-Funk All Stars
Slave with Steve Arrington
The Brothers Johnson
The Commodores (with Lionel Richie)
L.T.D
Charlie Wilson
Bar-Kays
George Duke
Cameo
Con Funk Shun

With your emcees: Steve Harvey, Cederic The Entertainer, Tom Joyner & Sinbad

Would that not be legendary? And all of these groups could do so. I would love to see Commodores reunite. Chaka Khan could do some shows with Rufus. Jeffery Osborne could reach out to L.T.D as could Steve Arrington and Slave. A lot of these groups disbanded or split due to infighting or struggles. I say it is high time to leave all of that behind and reunite one last time. Lionel Richie has tried to reunite The Commodores, but part of the band refused. Can you imagine all of these acts together under one stage again? Our parents, grandparents, and a lot us young adults would be ecstatic! So if you are reading this FUNK BANDS, think about it. What would you have to lose? It would be an all day festival and it would mean so much to your hardcore funkateer fans.

No Need To Get Political

So it is August 2012. It seems like we have just zoomed through this year. Pretty soon, we will be seeing the changing of the seasons, watching the fall leaves change color, attending harvest festivals if they have them in your towns, and of course the Presidential Election. Is anyone looking forward to it? Is anyone excited? I will say for myself, no I am not. I am not looking forward to these next few weeks of political mumbo jumbo.
The question on my mind is when did politics become so personal? It is a rarity anymore that we see people talking about the issues at hand that affect us all. Now we see people being attacked personally. Why are we allowing this?
I turn on the television and there are attack ads where one opponent is attacking the other. Rarely is seen are the ads that focus on the candidate him or herself talking about what they can do for the voters and why the voters should vote for that perspective candidate. Instead, we are subjected to what his or her opposing candidate did or did not do, their alleged professional and personal flops and mistakes. I am left scratching my head because the ad did nothing to sway my vote but because I am unsure as to what the candidate could do for me. What is the purpose?
I have heard people say, “I hate Obama!” Why? Has this man talked about your mamma, has he stole your woman? Why is it so personal? It is one thing to disagree with his politics but to go so far as to say you hate someone that you do not even know? I do not get it. We even see people attack a person’s love for the country or accuse them of not being American enough. Come on. What makes you the authority? What makes you the spokesperson for anything? The Republican National Convention come on this week, and I for one refused to watch any of it because all it probably was a rally to malign our current president instead of talking about what this candidates could do for us the voter.
We are using our political and religious views as an excuse to tare each other down and disrespect one another. Then we hide behind the First Amendment when we say offensive and demeaning things about each other. While I agree wholeheartedly with the first amendment, I believe that with it comes great responsibility (but more to come on that later) and we should always be careful.
Right now, I pass right over the news channels because all it is “Romney Vs. Obama” material. You have political analysts who have either never held a public office, or have lost repeatedly slamming both candidates with such a bitter and negative spirit, it becomes a major turn off. All of the accusations, mudslinging and bitter attitudes are distracting. I would like these candidates to focus on their party and their ticket. As Chaka Khan would say, “What Cha Gonna Do For Me?” You have to do more than just talk about what the other person has done (as a way to distract me from your lack of inexperience or ignorance) to get me to vote for you. I think politicians have become so focused on the politics that they forget about why they got into politics to begin with, and that is to bring about change and help the people that need it.
It is time to change the game in terms of how we do politics. Young people are being turned off because the races have become so bitter and negative. Just because we are on opposite sides of the fence does not mean we have to hate each other. When will start respecting what each side can bring to the table. I have respect for both parties and I do believe that both Democrats and Republicans can compliment each other. It is time for a change. No more “us vs. them” type of thinking because in the end, we all end up losing.

Family Ties That Are Too Tight

Family Ties That Are Too Tight

There is nothing like a bond with your family. All the material things, financial gains, and success you achieve are nothing without your family there to support you. Not only that, but your family is there while you are trying to achieve those things and often times when you are at a low point while trying to achieve and gain your successes. Families possess a bond that should not be broken at any time. Some people have lost loved ones and feel alone and they wish they could have a solid family unit once again. Family is everything.
But when does the family ties that we have in our lives become too much that it becomes a crutch in hinders the natural order of things? Is it even possible? The answer is yes. Sometimes we have to learn what our families are and what they are not. Some are too dependent on those family ties.
Some individuals cannot even make decisions without their family input. At a certain age, your mother and father should be just a sounding board; they have done their job in raising you. But there are some people who still cling really hard to their parents that it begins to affect their marriages and their other relationships. I have seen many male/female relationships that are affected by overbearing and domineering parents. Domineering mothers are in their sons businesses interjecting themselves into every aspect of their son’s lives. Sometimes it even causes upheaval in the relationship and the wife gets to a point where she is at the end of her rope. The mother believes she is the only that can care for her son and the wife or girlfriend is not someone who can do what she has done for all of these years. The son is so weak that both his mother and his wife are controlling him.
I have even seen some adults be so clingy to their parents that they believe that their parents are their friends and they don’t do anything with anybody else. Whether it be for financial security, or fear of missing out on something they cut ties to everyone else. These adults are so dependent on their parents that they do everything with them dinner, social events, everything. There is no separation. That is not healthy for the relationship. Parents and their children need separate friends and activities, especially as the kids get older and are adults. I am thirty-five and would not dream of spending every waking moment with my mom and dad, not that I do not love them very much but that is not healthy and not that they would want to anyway. My mother and father live a very active life and they do not need to be around their adult children every moment of every day. I love spending time with them, but they are not the only people in my life. They understand and appreciate that and do not make me feel guilty for it, but there are a lot of parents who do.
I have seen some parents have total or respect for their adult children. Some parents just show up unannounced at their children’s homes and bombard them. Some kids also have that attitude as well. They feel entitled. It is not healthy at all. Why is this happening? If you do speak up, the parents make you feel guilty so you just stop doing it and let them do it. Parents, you have to give your children space and not interject yourself into their marriages, businesses, and finances, to sum it up their personal lives. Children, you have to do the same thing as you all are grown. It is time to loosen up those family ties a bit. It is so vital to maintaining a healthy, loving adult relationship.

Your Bark Is Bigger Than Your Bite

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You ever heard people say this, “You have to know how to deal with so and so.” “Tread carefully around so and so. He or she is in a grumpy mood.” Eventually, this is the permanent mantra for this person and they develop this unapproachable, uncompassionate, sour presence. We accept the behavior because we become use to it or adapt to it. The person comes off as intimidating and threatening. We accept it because we do not want to confront it. We begin to walk around on eggshells for the people who give off these negative and funky spirits. It is so not cool.

We deal with these people at work mainly. This is the person that you have to go to their office to have them sign a document, or ask a question and you just dread it because they have the “I can’t be bothered!” attitude. They are never pleasant. You look for any type of way to deal with these people except direct face-to-face contact. They walk around the building with a negative spirit. They are always grouchy, always moody, and act as if their role or position in the company is more important than anyone else. Sound familiar? Their job is to make your job harder; they inconvenience your day to avoid being inconvenienced. The most simple task that only takes a few minutes of their time has now become a big production because they do not have the time or the energy to deal with it, so they make you wait. Do not admit that you made a mistake to the person, because then you will suffer their wrath. Their presence has become so negative that some feel like Dorothy, The Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow going to see the Wizard when they have to go these people. The question we have to ask ourselves is why are we afraid of theses types of people? What is it that they can really do to us? A majority of the time they are not even our supervisors or people we directly answer to, so our jobs are not threatened but they are just so unpleasant that we would not want to deal with them.

I think back to a mistake that I made on my last job. I had to tell the person. In hindsight, the incident was really not even my fault but I took ownership of it anyway because it was the mature thing to do. This person was so angry that they came looking for me like a teenager waiting in the parking lot for the person they are waiting to fight after school. This person made threats to me, yelled at me and shouted “It aint over!” Really? This is the type of personality that you are comfortable with? In the end, my supervisor told me not to worry about the madness and the person eventually had to begrudgingly apologize. The sad part is there are a lot of people like this at work. We do not want to call these people, ask questions, or even admit mistakes. The one thing that we and that sour person forgets is that person makes mistakes as well and when they can stand up and say that they have never made a mistake on the job, then they will have every right to gripe and moan about the mistakes that we have made.

Fast-forward to our personal lives. We have friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, and even siblings that have this intimidating spirit. They judge, critique and interject themselves into everything. You make a mistake, and they go off! This is the person that if they do not get want they want, they go off! They take jokes to heart, they take everything personal, but when they are ready to joke, you better laugh or else, however when the shoe is on the other foot, they do not find it funny and get ever so sensitive. We walk around on eggshells for these people because we have found it to be easier. As a result, the negative behaviors go on not being confronted and they continue to think that they are right in their thinking. We have gotten so complacent as a society with negative energy and negative people that we sometimes do not even notice when the negativity affects us or inhibits us. Too many people are given passes for bad behavior and it is it time out for that. If we love someone, we should be able to speak and address the issues they are inflicting on us.
We do not have to take it at work either. I no longer have a problem addressing someone who has an attitude or becomes irritate because I have asked him or her a question or need him or her to do his or her a job. I think back to a person at work that had such a nasty attitude, that I addressed it with him and when he refused to bend, I took it to his superior and needless to say the boss was not happy. In the end the negative Nick was a lot nicer to me. His bark was bigger than his bite, which is often the case with a lot of these people. When they see that you refuse to back down and put up with their crap, they change their attitude around you, but like an attack dog or wild animal, if they smell fear, they will eat you alive. Do not fall prey to their attacks.
It is time out for the negative energy we have allowed for so long to affect our professional and personal growth. Quit being an intimidating and threatening spirit. It is not cool and not professional and that reputation will stay with you for a long time to come. I would never want to be the type of person that you could not come to and share your thoughts or bark when you needed a favor or had a question. Being an intimidating, negative, rude person is nothing to be proud of, but sadly there are a lot of people who are, and there a lot of people that think it is cute to be this way. No, it is actually making you a very ugly and miserable person. Your spirit, your presence walks into the room before you do and that is not a good thing.

Time Will Reveal: The Lone Ranger

For those of you preparing to walk into your season of favor, or are beginning to embark on your journey of pursuing your dreams, harvesting your talents, and taking chances be prepared for God to reveal to you who your real friends are and who they are not. You will have some lonely days and nights. To be able to stand firm in the person you are and to be able to grow, you will discover that some of the people in your inner circle slowly but surely begin to disappear and the strong friendships that you thought you had slowly begin to crack under the pressure. It happened to me.

As I began to make the transition to move from Kansas City to Los Angeles not a lot of people understood my decision. They wanted to know why I wanted to leave everything I knew and go to a foreign land. They did not understand why. Some even told me I was being selfish because I was not thinking of others. Hmm…it is selfish to live your life to the fullest and seek out your dreams? Maybe I need to reread the dictionary to make sure I did not read the definition wrong. I think that it is selfish not to share your dreams and your talents with the rest of the world.

Even after I moved, I began to found out that some of the people who wished me well, were secretly talking behind my back asking what I was doing out in L.A and what I was doing for money, etc. I found that to be a very funny question considering the person asking was not paying any of my bills and was not responsible for my life in any shape, form or fashion. I guess I should not have been too surprised because in hindsight this person who I had thought was so much in my corner rarely asked how I was doing in pursuit of my writing goals, or even when I would talk about the gains I was making in pursuit of those dreams, the person would change the subject or muster only what seemed to be insincere enthusiasm.

“What is Chris doing out there in L.A? He is wasting his time.”


I just found out somebody that I was close to say that about me. To find out that people like this who claim to be your friends, and then do not support or encourage you is disappointing. Then I have to look at it from the aspect of not taking it personally. You cannot take it personal when you have friends, who turn on you or stop calling. The anger or shadiness that your friends and family are projecting towards you is not really about you it is about them. As I have written before, they are doing the safe thing and they are unwilling to step out on faith and take a chance and pursue their dreams and aspirations. They see you taking steps towards living your dream with no limitations and they hate it. I am finding that to be more and more true of some whom I thought had my best interest at heart.
I have even had some people tell me, “Well when you make a million dollars, share some with me.” Are you serious? Number one, I did not get into this for the sole purpose of making money. Having financial security is nice and I hope to achieve that with what I am doing, but being rich and living for material possessions has never been what I have been about. I am more interested in being happy and having a complete life and having a life that inspires others. There are a lot of people out there who have all the money in the world, yet they are miserable and lonely. Money is not everything. Some of your friends and relatives do live solely for safety and security, which is not a bad thing but it is not the only thing. To find out that a good friend was thinking so negatively about me was very disappointing but it just lets me know that I am that much closer to my victory.

“Before you see a new level of God’s favor, don’t be surprised if things come against you to try to discourage you. People may try to talk you out of dreams, to convince you to settle where you are.” – Joel Osteen from his book It’s Your Time.

That is how you know you are close. You begin to get haters and you do begin to lose friendships as I have. That has been a very tough thing for me, as I love having friends and people around me. At times, this journey has been very lonely because you do expect those people who you thought would wish you well to always be there and give you that unconditional love and support, that does not happen. I am grateful for those people who have continued to support me and encourage me. My parents are a wonderful example of that. The birthday card that they recently sent me really lifted me up. There was confirmation all over that card that showed me I was doing the right thing. I will keep that card with me whenever I get discouraged and feel alone. You have to find a muse or something that will keep you encouraged because on this road to your dream, there will be many things that will come up and try to discourage you, a big part of that will be your family and friends.
You will have those friends and family who NEVER ask about what you are doing. When you do step out and reveal some things and share some moments, they just change the subject or go to something else. Remember, you destiny is not tied to them. You do not need them to succeed. Continue to push. You will have some who claim to love you begin to talk behind your back, stop calling you on the phone or refuse to offer the support when you have asked for it repeatedly. Understand, that this is to be expected and as hard as it is, you have to move on from it. Do not marinate on it and let it stop you. For those friends that you lose, God will replace threefold. He will bring into your life friends who will offer you that unconditional understanding, and not just celebrate you during your highs, but will keep you lifted during your lows.

For those friends who like to talk behind people’s backs and offer up discouraging words, understand it will always come out. Your true spirit will always be revealed. It is a lot easier to be an encourager instead of a hater but I will continue to pray for you. This has also been a lesson for me to be a better encourager and supporter of people’s dreams and aspirations and just give a nice “How are you doing today?” It means so much and people will carry it with them much like the card that my parents gave me for my birthday.

Please continue on your journey, it will not always be easy and you will have loss but in the end, that will be a part of your testimony to encourage someone else when you are walking in your victory.

Be Encouraged!

Unsung

Unsung: The Story of Black Music

Did you know that the song “Love’s Train” by the R&B funk band Con Funk Shun was actually the tale of a real life love triangle between the group’s two lead singers Michael Cooper and Felton Pilate and a woman? The Marvelettes garnered the first number one hit for Motown with “Please Mr. Postman.” Donny Hathaway’s life and creativity were tarnished by his battle with paranoid schizophrenia. I am sure many wonder why Atlantic Starr has gone through so many female singers. Whatever happened to teen sensations Stacy Lattisaw and The Sylvers after they grew up? How did Angela Bofill survive two strokes? Who knew that the rough and tough guys of Full Force had produced hits for some of today’s pop megastars such as Brittany Spears and Backstreet Boys? This information is not covered on entertainment shows such as Entertainment Tonight, Extra, and The Insider, but thanks to the network TvOne and their runaway hit show Unsung.

We all know the stories of superstar divas Patti Labelle, Chaka Khan, Tina Turner, Natalie Cole, and Mary J. Blige but what about the forgotten divas Phyllis Hyman, Melba Moore, Evelyn King and Miki Howard? Why is it that these soulful ladies never achieved crossover success?

Thanks to Unsung, we have those answers. Fans now know what cut the careers of The DeBarge family short as we saw their very personal battle with drug abuse and how they are still dealing with the after affects of the physical and sexual abuse they suffered at the hands of their father. We always wondered why Rene & Angela broke up, and like Rene & Angela we wondered if Cherelle and Alexander O’Neal, Marvin Gaye and Tami Terrell were a real life couple because of their undeniable chemistry and stage presence. We were inspired by Winbush’s story of battling stage four ovarian cancer and how she beat the illness and is now sharing her testimony across the nation. Yet despite being a prolific songwriter and artist, crossover success has continued to allude her.

The television show puts back in focus the otherwise forgotten artist of R&B, funk, soul, gospel and hip-hop and shares their often tragic and sometimes motivating stories of survival and triumph. Usually, the subjects of the documentary are often music acts whose careers were cut short due to changing musical taste, personal demons, tragedy, illness, and infighting within the groups or bands or because their voices or commodity was dubbed too soulful and lacked crossover appeal for record labels to get them to superstardom. The show is really unique because it gives a lot of these artists a spotlight to share their stories whereas a lot of other networks would consider these acts washed up, yesterday’s news or simply just not relevant enough to give attention to. Where else can you get the stories of Minnie Riperton the singer with the seven octave range that influenced Mariah Carey’s upper register? Riperton’s light was dimmed too soon by breast cancer. The bands Klymaxx and Con Funk Shun, both family and friend units united by a dream and togetherness then ripped apart by fame, greed, and infighting. The dominating theme of the show is that a lot of the artists contributions to not just black music but American music been all but ignored by the mainstream.

The show is similar to VH1’s Behind The Music in that goes inside the life of an artist, band or duo. Yet unlike Behind The Music; the artist on Unsung did not reach the pinnacle of their success like the subjects covered on VH1 such as Mary J. Blige, Jennifer Lopez, and P Diddy.

Unsung also serves as a cautionary tale to those wanting to crack into the music industry of what not to do when you make it big. For example, if you are getting introduced to drugs and alcohol on the Hollywood scene and are tempted to partake, then one might want to look at the stories of Sly Stone and DeBarge, who are still suffering the mental, physical, and financial consequences of decades of decadence and drug addiction. David Ruffin paid with his life. If you are a group or duo and you want to keep your group together, than you can look at the stories of Arrested Development, Shalamar, and Atlantic Starr who all disbanded at one time because of infighting and conflicts over leadership, money and creative differences. Some of the members of these groups are not even on speaking terms.

The documentary show also shows you how demonic the music industry can be on artists who have fell victim to the corporate giant. 80’s soul diva, Vesta Williams shared her heartbreaking story of how her record company never fully got behind her albums because she was “too soulful” and possibly too heavy and how it led to a feeling of rejection and abandonment that she could never fully shake. Williams was never allowed to have the pop crossover success like her other 80’s soul contemporaries Anita Baker, Sade, and her then label mate Janet Jackson. Williams even claims that the money that was made off her records was put behind a “different artist”. Could that “artist” have been Janet Jackson? Tragically, Williams died shortly after she taped her interviews for the show.

Freddie Jackson fell victim to his record label and production company taking a majority of his money. Phyllis Hyman never got the push and attention at her record label because Arista Records executives began to focus on their primary divas Aretha Franklin, Dionne Warwick, and then newcomer Whitney Houston who execs felt had more crossover appeal. George Clinton, leader of Parliament Funkadellic and a Rock And Roll Hall of Fame recipient has to still tour a majority of the year, not because he loves to but because of financial necessity. He signed over his publishing rights to his music years ago to fund his groundbreaking yet expensive tours and to pay his band members. George Clinton’s music is some of the most sampled music in hip-hop. However, the funk pioneer cannot reap the rewards of his harvest, instead those royalties go to his first record company that he signed the rights to (Clinton has appealed and fought unsuccessfully to overturn this court decision).

Unsung also shows variety in their selections. It is not just one genre of music that they focus on. Die hard hip-hop fans can find out what happened to The Fat Boys, Kool Moe Dee, and Big Daddy Kane, while hard core blues and soul artists can be entertained and enlightened by the stories of Millie Jackson and Bobby Womack, who would never get media attention on MTV, VH1, and even BET. Funkateers like myself can find out what happened to Parliament, Bootsy, The Ohio Players and The BarKays. Even gospel artists such as The Clark Sisters get their stories told on the show. There is something for everyone.

Unsung also shows that just because you were on Motown, arguably the most famous record label in history, it did not guarantee that you were going to reach superstar status. Just ask Mary Wells, The Marvelletes, and Teena Marie. The Marvelletes who put the label on the map by giving Motown their first gold record, got lost in the shuffle when other artist such The Supremes, Stevie Wonder, The Temptations, and The Jackson Five became the label’s primary focus. The group even lost their name when a greedy producer stole the name from under them and developed a copycat group of Marvelletes that contained no original members. Lead singer, Gladys Horton, who tried to reform the band in the 90s, could not even do so because the producer of the copycat band threatened to sue her. Many of Horton’s friends and family members would argue that this would lead to Gladys’s death, because she ultimately died from the stress and strain of it all or even from a broken heart. Tragic indeed.

Unsung is a show that keeps on giving. It puts forgotten artist back in the limelight, who some of us even hardcore music fans may have forgotten. I wonder what the show does to sells of artist records and concert shows, when their episodes premier. As the current season comes to close, us diehard music fans are already wanting more and anticipating who will be on the next season. Thank you TvOne for shining the light on these artists who would otherwise go unnoticed. Keep the good stories coming.

Gilly’s Favorite Unsung Episodes:
1. DeBarge
2. Donny Hathaway
3. Zapp
4. David Ruffin
5. The Marvelettes
6. Arrested Development
7. Tami Terrell
8. Minnie Riperton
9. The Sylvers
10. Con Funk Shun
11. Freddie Jackson
12. Atlantic Starr
13. Vesta Williams
14. Bootsy
15. Parliament Funkadellic
16. Deniece Williams


Suggested Artist For Future Unsung Episodes:
1. Midnight Star
2. Kashif
3. Slave
4. L.T.D/Jeffrey Osborne
5. Grover Washington Jr.
6. Lisa Fischer
7. The Brothers Johnson
8. Mtume
9. Grand Master Flash
10. Lauryn Hill (Hill had major success indeed, but her personal demons and success has derailed her music career. She has yet to reach the heights of her debut album that is why she is Unsung)
11. DeAngelo
12. The Jones Girls
13. The Emotions
14. SOS Band
15. Tevin Campbell
16. Vanity 6
17. The Time (I doubt Morris will participate as I am sure he will say he is not “Unsung”
18. Johnny “Guitar” Watson
19. ZZ Hill
20. Walter Hawkins and The Hawkins Singers
21. Guy
22. Another Bad Creation
23. Bobby Brown
24. Kris Kross
25. The Fugees
26. Shirley Murdock
27. Yarbrough & Peoples
28. Cheryl Lynn
29. SWV
30. Mary Jane Girls
31. Jodeci
32. Soul II Soul
33. Sister Sledge
34. Cameo
35. The Stylistics




Which artist do you feel are Unsung? There are so many.

Necessarily Narcissistic

Necessarily Narcissistic

“So about me…so back to me!”

This is the response or action you get from someone who is so stuck on themselves, you can have a whole phone conversation with them and they have no idea as to what you are talking about. They have the “its all about me” mantra that live by so arrogantly that they interject themselves into every aspect of your life. Sound familiar yet?

A narcissistic person is someone who suffers from an excessive love or admiration of him or herself. It can also be a vain or self-centered person. For example I think of Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls or Ragine Hunter and Kyle Barker from Living Single. Remember how they made every small problem MAJOR? I remember a particular episode of Golden Girls when Blanche went to a class reunion and came back all depressed because she felt all her classmates were prettier than her. Ragine on Living Single broke up with a boyfriend because on his night to shine at an art exhibit, he was not paying any attention to her. Kyle was so offended by his drivers license picture that he went down to the DMV three times for his picture to retaken. This is vanity at its best. Sometimes I would cringe when an episode focused on these characters because I knew how dramatic the entire episode would be and how whiney these characters would get (even though I loved these shows and characters). But art does imitate life. How many of you see those characters and go “Oh that is (insert your friend or relative here).
This is an illness if you ask me. I know quite a few people who suffer from it. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and in different types of people. We live in a world where it is all about me, and nobody else.

Have you ever met someone who is so narcissistic that they begin to get really, really bold? Meaning that because they are so stuck on themselves they feel they have a right to interject their opinions and beliefs into your business? They feel justified because they have “wisdom” or their accomplishments give them credibility to tell you how you should live your life. I can recall talking to someone and telling them about all the good things that have been happening to me, and this person did not even give a response. They began to talk about something else. What I was talking about was not even worth their time. Yet, when I begun to talk about something of interest to this person, they were attentive and alert then, because it was gossip or talk of money or power. Do you all know someone like this?

A narcissistic person will call people and tell them what they need to do or act as if they are doing you a favor by talking to you and you should feel honored that they are gracing you with their attention. How sad. It is even gotten to a point that people do not even check in with each other because they are too busy doing them or being them that they cannot be bothered.

You see this more with people of status or people with a little money. They begin to believe their own hype. They hype themselves up to be more than who they are. Whether a person is comparing him or herself to some higher power or authority figure, or having pictures upon pictures on walls with them and them alone, there are dozens of examples of this. They come around you and drop all types of hints to get you to begin talking about him or her. They begin talking about all their accomplishments or say or do some random thing to elicit a response from you. It just goes on and on.

I call these types of people necessarily narcissistic because they feel like they have to be this way to get attention. If it is not all about them, then it’s over. Whether they are creating drama for everyone else or trying to be the center of the drama there is always something going on these people’s lives that command everyone’s attention.

Necessarily Narcissistic Behaviors:

1. A person who refers to him/herself as idyllic figure or person
2. Always describes him or herself as “beautiful” or “sexy” and gets mad or sad if you do not refer to them as that.
3. EVERY problem is a MAJOR PROBLEM no matter how small.
4. Their time is more important than yours.
5. Demands that you give your undivided attention.
6. Interjects him/herself in other people’s business because they feel you need their wisdom.
7. Displays consistent weird or negative behavior just to get attention or for a reaction.
8. Gets angry or defensive when other people’s opinions differ from theirs.
9. Constantly using big word or phrases to appear to be the smartest person in the room.
10. Uses his/her intelligence as a way to hurt or lash out at people.
11. Throws a tantrum if you do not give in to his/her wishes.
12. Talks about EVERYBODY when their lives are a mess.
13. Has self-portraits or large photos of him/herself all over their home.
14. Wants everyone to refer to them as #1 (I.E “sexy”, “queen”, “buff”, “the greatness”) some will not even answer you if you do not.
15. Expects you to drop everything and listen to them or help them, even when you have something going on in your life.

If you know someone who meets all of these characteristics, than you are dealing with a necessarily narcissistic person. Maybe you have a husband or a wife boyfriend or girlfriend who never bends or compromises it is always about them, their feelings, and their needs. You should just understand.

It is time out for this immature behavior. Life cannot always be about you, you, and you. Leave some scraps for others. You do not always have to shine or dim somebody’s light so that your light can shine brighter. It is time for us to begin to support each other more. It takes a truly confident person to celebrate someone else’s achievements while celebrating his or her own.